Tag: 2005

Saw II (2005)

Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman [Other horror films: Saw III (2006), Saw IV (2007), Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008), Mother’s Day (2010), 11-11-11 (2011), The Devil’s Carnival (2012), The Barrens (2012), Angelus (2014), Tales of Halloween (2015, segment ‘The Night Billy Raised Hell’), Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival (2016), Abattoir (2016), St. Agatha (2018), Death of Me (2020), Spiral: From the Book of Saw (2021), Cello (2023)]

It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I enjoy Saw II – I didn’t take the moniker ‘Jigsaw’ for no reason – and watching it again for the first time in at least six years, I can say it’s definitely a fun movie to revisit.

Given I’ve seen it as many as six times, there’s no longer any shocks to be found in the multiple little twists, but that doesn’t make the story any less enjoyable. In fact, seeing the set-up and playful dialogue for these twists may even add a little something, and I can say that I had a blast with this one.

This wasn’t always the case. When I first saw the movie, I didn’t love it. I suspect it’s because I was such an admirer of the first movie, and its more limited scope (focused on only three characters, really), and then this one throws us in a house with a bunch of characters, few of whom really get depth to them. It’s just a bit jarring.

It’s also true that, save a reference or two, the events of the first film aren’t really brought up here. Sure, we saw the flashback with Lawrence Gordon’s name, and naturally, the bathroom from the first movie takes prominence in the finale of this one, but the fact that, for instance, Detectives Tapp and Sing aren’t mentioned at all, even though Detective Kerry (Dina Meyer) appears here, seems odd.

However, I’ve grown to really appreciate this one. I can’t say I enjoy it as much as I do the first movie, but I do love the story here. You combine that with the performances and the gore, and you have a pretty good time.

Donnie Wahlberg (Dead Silence) does beautifully as an aggressive cop who is the perfect picture of police brutality. Shawnee Smith (The Stand, The Blob, I Saw What You Did) returns, and is much more involved here than she was in the first film. Related, Dina Meyer (Starship Troopers, Bats, Crazy Eights) pops up here too, though she doesn’t bring quite as much plot relevance as some may hope. Oh, and Lyriq Bent’s (Acrimony) here also as an aggressive SWAT guy – he doesn’t really do or add a lot, but he becomes important later…

As for many of the people trapped in the house – well, only a handful really get their characters explored. Honestly, Erik Knudsen (Darker Than Night, Stickman) had the most depth, and even he didn’t have a ton. Otherwise, Timothy Burd (The Hexecutioners) was interesting, lurking about but never doing much, Glenn Plummer (Teeth and Blood, The Day After Tomorrow, VooDoo Curse: The Giddeh) seemed to have potential, and Franky G was fine as a generic, aggressive asshole, but others, such as Emmanuelle Vaugier (The Fear: Resurrection, House of the Dead 2) and Beverley Mitchell (Toxin, The Lost Episode) didn’t really make a deep impression.

Of course, Tobin Bell always makes an impression (well, nearly always – he didn’t do a ton to help The Sandman, not that many could have), and he was great here as well. He had some solid dialogue, and we even delved a bit into John Kramer’s past, which I appreciated. As the sequels go on, we delve more and more into his past, along with the backstories of others, and it’s done well here.

As for the best trap, well, I have to admit I’ve always found the syringe pit absolutely horrifying. That scene pisses me off anyway, as it wasn’t meant for Amanda, but that’s beside the point. That pit looked awful (and that whole room striking, given the significantly different color tones), and I wouldn’t care for a dip in it. Otherwise, that furnace looked hella hot, and that safe place that John mentioned was, as the kids say, #trolly.

I also think a special mention can go to that razorblade box – such a simple solution, but a drug-addled mind leads to an unnecessarily gruesome death, so kudos there.

There’s a lot to like in Saw II, and though I may not have appreciated everything with the first viewing, all of the subsequent ones have been of quality. It’s a solid movie, and though it’s different than the first one in some ways, Saw II is a great sequel, too.

8/10

DeadHouse (2005)

Directed by Pablo Macho Maysonet IV [Other horror films: The Things They Left Behind (2011), The Red Suit (2014), Fear of My Flesh (2015), Await the Dawn (2020), Tales from the Other Side (2022, segment ‘Scary Mary’] & Brian Rivera [Other horror films: N/A]

I’m an individual who’s seen plenty of lower-budget horror, and while I have a high tolerance of occasionally shoddy film-making, that doesn’t mean I’m oblivious to it when it occurs. DeadHouse is a movie with problems, and while it’s certainly not all bad, I can fairly say it’s far from good.

The story is rather basic – two sisters and a friend have car trouble while traveling, and run awry of some killers who live in a decrepit house. And – well, actually, that’s it. We get a bit of background on the killers, and there’s a very choreographed twist toward the end that I suspect would fool very few people, but then again, not all slashers are dripping in creativity.

And actually, I’ve seen DeadHouse before. A long time ago, Blog Talk Radio was a pretty decent site, and the horror forum Horror Movie Fans (a forum I’ve been of member of since 2009) had a show that I called into plenty of times. During one of those shows, we discussed DeadHouse. Now, that was a long time ago – 2010, if I had to guess – so it’s been around 13 years since I’ve seen this one, and as such, remembered very little of it (not that there was much to remember, truth be told).

If I recall, this used to be on YouTube in full, as I’m sure that’s where I watched it. Nowadays, it seems like it’s a mostly forgotten film, but luckily (such as it is), I own a copy on the 50-movie set Catacomb of Creepshows. Though I don’t care for the film overall, I am glad to have access to it, as it seems a rather difficult film to find online nowadays.

In all honesty, there’s not a whole lot to say about this one, though. The story’s rather simple, but it fails due to technical aspects, primarily the audio. The audio here was really bad – there are multiple conversations that I can’t understand at all, because it seems there was no microphone in the vicinity. Other times, the music plays over the dialogue, and little-to-none of the characters’ voices actually stand out. I’ve seen movies with poor audio before, but the consistently poor audio of this film was almost astounding.

Otherwise, you have occasionally decent (though rather low-budget) effects. Someone gets stabbed with a pitchfork, which was probably the best scene. Another gets their head slammed into a wall, causing said head to explode. Someone’s body gets slammed into a tree, causing their spine to crack. None of the deaths are that memorable, but at least they’re here.

I thought the performances were alright. Keep in mind, I couldn’t hear them a fifth of the time, but that’s not their fault. Tracey Dalton and Cara Dalton played believable sisters (and given their shared surnames, I wouldn’t be surprised if they actually were sisters). Pablo Macho Maysonet IV (also the director of this film) had some occasionally amusing dialogue, but was mostly whateves. Brian Rivera had a friendly persona, and Anthony Carvalho (who isn’t even credited on IMDb at the time of this writing) was fine too. None of the performances here did much, but at least they averaged out okay.

The story, though, didn’t feel fresh enough to me. I didn’t care for the twist at the end, and given the garbled and difficult-to-understand dialogue, it was a bit of a rough one to get through, made only marginally easier by the fact I was able to rope my brother into watching this one with me (shout-out James, wherever you are brah). It’s not a good movie, and while there are certainly worse out there, never doubt that there aren’t thousands of better ways to spend your time.

4/10

Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)

Directed by Rick Bota [Other horror films: Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002), Hellraiser: Deader (2005)]

When it comes to the various Hellraiser sequels, I have to admit that I have a tad of a soft spot for Hellworld. It’s not a return to classic form whatsoever, but at least it’s marginally different than what Inferno, Hellseeker, and Deader went for, so that’s a good start.

In truth, I do like the story of this one. It takes a somewhat meta view of things – players of a game called Hellworld (which is based on the myth behind the Hellraiser films #questionmark?) are invited to a Hellworld-themed party, and it’s not quite the festivities they were hoping for.

This was filmed back-to-back with Deader, which is why it feels far more like a film from the early 2000’s than it does one from the mid-2000’s, but I think it’s a hell of a lot more coherent than Deader ever was, and though the story sort of takes even a further divergent path from the original than do many of the other sequels, I think by this point in the franchise, they needed a little something to shake things up.

I love seeing a few familiar faces here. Henry Cavill (who later goes on to play Superman in Man of Steel and related DCEU movies, not to mention Blood Creek) made some quality facial expressions, and Khary Payton (the guy who voiced Cyborg on Teen Titans) appeared too, which was fun. I’ve seen Katheryn Winnick in a handful of things (Satan’s Little Helper, Amusement), and while her performance was a bit weak at times, it’s always nice to see a friendly face.

Anna Tolputt hasn’t been in many things, but her character’s reasonably fun, at least with the screentime she gets, and Christopher Jacot had some solid moments too. Of course, Doug Bradley as Pinhead is always fun, and he even comes with a decent quote in this one (“Oh, what wonders we have to show you,”), which have been lacking from recent sequels. Oh, and horror veteran Lance Henriksen (Pumpkinhead, Mansion of the Doomed, The Mangler 2, Gehenna: Where Death Lives, In the Spider’s Web) pops up too, and he does bring some charm to this one.

I think what sets Hellworld apart from many of the other sequels is the finale. True, a decent amount of the film feels disjointed and confusing, as Inferno through Deader felt, but the finale ties many aspects of the movie together. It’s possible that it could be the case that the idea outshone the execution, but even so, ever since I first saw this one many years ago, I’ve found it decently enjoyable.

As far as the special effects go, it’s up and down. Some sequences look decent, such as a simple decapitation. Others – well, not so much. There was an okay sequence with someone strapped to a chair and getting Saw-esque treatment, but there was also some disfigured corpses chasing after someone, so like I said, it had its ups and downs. I can gladly say, though, that my favorite Cenobite, Chatterer, pops up here, and it is nice to see his delightful face once more.

I know there are some out there who find this one of the weakest sequels (well, at least until Revelations came out), and I just never saw Hellworld that way. I don’t think it’s a great movie or anything but I think it tries something a bit different, and certainly stands out in the lineup of the franchise. It won’t do it for everyone – no movie does – but I’m a fan of this one, flaws and all.

7/10

2001 Maniacs (2005)

Directed by Tim Sullivan [Other horror films: Driftwood (2006), 2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams (2010), Chillerama (2011, segment ‘I Was a Teenage Werebear’)]

I’ve not seen this one in at least 12 years, if not longer, so I was eager to revisit it. As it is, while this remake of the classic H.G. Lewis film was somewhat fun, I’d have a hard time saying that it was that great of a film. It’s certainly serviceable, if you’re into a gory time, but it’s not something I entirely loved.

I should say that it’s been a while since I’ve seen the original 1964 movie (though I think I’ll throw that on next), so I can’t say with certainty whether the ending they had here was also in that version, but I was generally happy with the finale of this one. For the longest time in the film, we don’t really know why the folks of Pleasant Valley, Georgia are killing these young people, aside from the fact that they seem to hate Yankees. And honestly, though I’d seen this before, I wasn’t sure if we were going to get an explanation at all, but we finally did, and I appreciated that.

Two points in the movie’s favor are the gore and Robert Englund. The special effects here are decent, and while the kills don’t always land (such as those metal teeth), they’re usually pretty solid, and live up to the moniker Guts and Glory Jubilee (though I’m somewhat disappointed they didn’t recreate the knife barrel I remember so clearly from the original).

As for Robert Englund, well, naturally he’s a big name in horror (A Nightmare on Elm Street, The Phantom of the Opera, Kantemir, Eaten Alive, Galaxy of Terror). In fact, if you’re a horror fan who doesn’t know Englund, something went wrong, brahs. He’s obviously having a lot of fun hamming it up in this film, and when Robert Englund has fun, I generally have fun too.

Englund aside, we did have some other performances that worked out, including Lin Shaye (Dead End, Insidious), who took a more prevalent role in this one. Of the younger crowd (Jay Gillespie, Dylan Edrington, Matthew Carey, Brian Gross, Marla Malcolm, Gina Marie Heekin, Mushond Lee, and Bianca Smith), the only ones that really stand out are Gillespie, Malcolm, Carey (Hollows Grove), and, to an extent, Mushond Lee. Oh, and Peter Stormare (Fargo, The Lost World: Jurassic Part II, Bruiser) pops up for a bit.

Still, being a horror comedy of somewhat questionable humor, I didn’t entirely love the jokes here. Some of it was a bit much for me, such as the guy who was chasing around his pig (as he engaged in carnal relations with the animal), or some of the dialogue. No doubt some of it was pretty funny (“if I supply the peaches, can you supply the cream?”), but it was very much mixed, in my view, and not altogether my type of humor.

Despite my issues, I still largely found 2001 Maniacs fun. The finale had issues, but it was decent, and I appreciated how they pulled some things together and gave us some answers. I didn’t love all the humor here, and it’s a pretty simple movie, so I’m leaning around average with this one, if not a little lower. Loved Robert Englund here, though.

6.5/10

Hellraiser: Deader (2005)

Directed by Rick Bota [Other horror films: Hellraiser: Hellseeker (2002), Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005)]

It’s been quite some time since I’ve last seen this sequel – anywhere from ten to 18 years, I’d guess – and after watching it with fresh eyes, well, I can say that it’s not that good at all, in my view.

Both Inferno and Hellseeker brought the series into a more psychological realm, and while the execution of such a tonal shift is certainly debatable, the very fact that they changed things up doesn’t need to be a negative. However, in the case of Hellseeker, and certainly in the case of this movie, things just don’t work out.

My main issues with Deader is largely the same issues I had with Hellseeker – it’s an absolute narrative mess. In the second half of the film, I have almost zero idea of what’s actually going on. See, when the main character (Kari Wuhrer) accidentally “opens” the Lament Configuration, not to mention having a run-in with Deaders (I’ll touch on them in a bit), she starts having a bunch of things that may or may not be visions.

First she’s struggling to get through a thin walkway, which I’m inclined to think wasn’t really happening. She gets stabbed, but wakes up in her hotel room. She’s still stabbed, but alive – perhaps the ritual that seemed like a dream in which she was killed but still lives – and then runs into Pinhead on a train. After that, she wakes up in a mental institute, but that’s definitely not real, because she shortly thereafter goes into her past to face her demons and then appears back on the table she was on in that dream that wasn’t a dream and then Pinhead.

I have no idea what Wuhrer’s character actually encounters past a certain point in the movie. Zero. There’s a cult of people who intentionally kill themselves, because the leader can bring them back to life – I don’t know why they’d bother joining, as it doesn’t seem to me being a member of this group comes with any perks – and it was sort of interesting seeing the conflict between the cult leader and Pinhead (because as the cult leader brings them back from the dead, he ‘steals’ them from Pinhead) – but again, the execution sucked hard.

Kari Wuhrer (Eight Legged Freaks, The Hitcher II: I’ve Been Waiting, Final Examination) didn’t really impress me much, but I really think it’s more the story that frustrated me as opposed to her performance. Simon Kunz (The Bunker, Eight for Silver) was quite a bit of fun during his few scenes. Paul Rhys’ character should have had more depth, but it’s always a pleasure seeing Doug Bradley, of course.

The issue here is that the story strikes me as a mess. I don’t entirely understand the goals of Rhys’ character. I don’t understand Pinhead’s goals. There’s another character here who seems to want to destroy Rhys’ character, but she goes about it in such a vague way. It’s just not an easy story to follow, given the narrative structure, and it’s just not that pleasurable either. Trippy at times, sure, but not pleasurable.

Of the first seven Hellraiser movies, I do think this is the worst one. Both Bloodline and Hellseeker had some problems, but this one was just a mess. Sure, it has some quality hook action at time (though at other times, the effects look quite poor), and Bradley’s Pinhead is always fun to see, but overall, this is a rather poor entry, which is disappointing given the somewhat interesting ideas we’re presented with.

4.5/10

Mortuary (2005)

Directed by Tobe Hooper [Other horror films: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), Eaten Alive (1976), The Dark (1979), Salem’s Lot (1979), The Funhouse (1981), Poltergeist (1982), Lifeforce (1985), Invaders from Mars (1986), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), Spontaneous Combustion (1990), I’m Dangerous Tonight (1990), Night Terrors (1993), Body Bags (1993, segment ‘Eye’), The Mangler (1995), The Apartment Complex (1999), Crocodile (2000), Shadow Realm (2002), Toolbox Murders (2004), Djinn (2013)]

I’ve seen Mortuary at least twice before, I believe, though it’s easily been ten years since the last time I set my eyes on it. I remember not being overly fond of the film, and after revisiting it, I can definitely see why that’s the case.

It’s a shame, too, and not just because Tobe Hooper directed this. Of course, Hooper is one of the big names in horror, but truth be told, there’s only a handful of his films that I actually care for (among them Poltergeist and Eaten Alive). More so, though, the first half of this movie, while not exactly good, is perfectly serviceable, and it’s only around 48 minutes in or so when things go terribly off the rails.

Tonally, the film is a bit of a mess. It seems that out of nowhere, they wanted Mortuary to become some type of comedic zombie movie. I mean, I guess that’s what they wanted – it wasn’t exactly clear to me how intentional the comedic aspects were. Still, it took a decent story and completely turned it around, with zombies vomiting and infecting others, and the fact these zombies can still speak cringe

Mortuary really had potential early on, and I was sort of surprised, given my limited memory of this one, that I was digging the film. But when it goes off the rails, it really goes off the rails, and it just ends up a major disappointment.

I didn’t have a big problem with the performances. I do wish that Denise Crosby (Dolly Dearest, Itsy Bitsy, Pet Sematary) had a bit more to add to the story, but otherwise, I thought she was solid. Dan Byrd (The Hills Have Eyes remake, Salem’s Lot) didn’t make for the most interesting character, but Alexandra Adi was fun enough, and Rocky Marquette (Triloquist) was okay. The trio of Bug Hall (The Shadow People, Arachnoquake), Tarah Paige (Otis), and Courtney Peldon (Skin Walker) could have been fine if handled differently, but boy, they weren’t handled well at all.

Past a certain point, I pretty much lost all interest in the story here. I still paid attention, of course, but my engagement was certainly not what it used to be. I can say that I don’t think aspects were tied together that well – Bobby Fawler didn’t seem to be infected, for instance, but still worked with the black mold/infected zombies for some reason, apparently? I don’t know, I thought they had a potentially fine story here at the beginning, but something got screwed up along the way (which I keep repeating, but I can’t possibly stress enough).

Overall, I can’t say that Mortuary was a particularly enjoyable watch. Seeing it again was interesting, but as a whole, the movie definitely has some issues. I’m sure this one has some fans out there, but I can’t say I’m one of them.

5/10

Cry Wolf (2005)

Directed by Jeff Wadlow [Other horror films: Truth or Dare (2018), Fantasy Island (2020)]

So Cry Wolf is one of those movies that I’ve wanted to see for quite a while. And to be clear, by ‘a while’, I mean since around 2009. Way back in the day, I made a list of horror films I wanted to check out, and this was on that list from the very beginning.

I never went out of my way to check it out because I thought I knew the type of movie it was going to be, and there were more interesting selections of films out there. As it is, I had an enjoyable time watching Cry Wolf, but I’d be lying if I said it ended up differently from what I expected.

It’s not really a case of all flash and no substance – the story here is sort of fun. The twists, while few are really surprising (come the finale, I was almost completely right, but made one mistake in my assumptions), keep the movie moving at a nice pace, and past a certain point, there are enough suspenseful scenes and mysteries to keep you interested.

What sort of didn’t do it for me, though, is just that it felt like they really badly wanted to make this a Saw movie, what with the twists, and that overly dramatic finale which threw a bunch of flashbacks at us (obviously with some additional context). I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was still enjoyable, but it almost felt like they were trying a bit too hard.

Performances all around were decent. Julian Morris (Donkey Punch, Something Wicked) is watchable enough, but he’s far from what makes the film enjoyable. Better are Lindy Booth and surprisingly Jon Bon Jovi. Booth (Wrong Turn, Dark Honeymoon) certainly had an interesting personality, and was playful enough, whereas Jon Bon Jovi’s (Vampires: Los Muertos) performance as a prep school teacher reminded me a little of Robert Englund’s role in Urban Legend.

Also, while I’m not a Supernatural fan, it was sort of nice seeing Jared Padalecki (also from House of Wax and Friday the 13th) here. His character is never super important, but he has a nice, clean-cut face. Gary Cole (who played a Vice President during some seasons of The West Wing, along with voicing a character Kim Possible, a favorite animated show of mine) was fun to see in a few scenes, and though her character was even less important than Padalecki’s, Kristy Wu had some zap to her.

What I think this all comes down to, though, as far as my feelings go, is that nothing in this movie really surprised me. Oh, some of the twists were unexpected, but I wasn’t once close to being blown away. I liked the conclusion well enough, but I think I probably would have liked this a lot more if I had seen it all those years ago when I first heard about it, as opposed to now when I’m #jaded.

Certainly I had fun while watching Cry Wolf, but I don’t think it’ll ultimately leave a large impression on me. It’s a stylish, occasionally clever movie with an okay mystery and a killer poster, and I do think it’s a decent film, but I don’t honestly think it’s a lot more than that.

7/10

Swarmed (2005)

Directed by Paul Ziller [Other horror films: Pledge Night (1988), Snakehead Terror (2004), Beyond Loch Ness (2008), Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon (2008), Troglodyte (2008), Ba’al (2008), Iron Invader (2011), Ghost Storm (2011)]

Swarmed is one of those films that I think will be largely forgettable. I have this on somewhat good authority, given I’ve seen it before, and most of the movie still felt new to me. It’s not an overly poor TV movie, though – it’s entertaining at times, and some performances are fine – but it’s not a film that I’m likely to ever watch again, either.

I can’t say when I first saw this movie. I know I watched it back on SyFy when they were still Sci-Fi, and I wasn’t any older than 14. Given I’m 28 at the time of this writing, it has been quite a long time. I’ll say that, in defense of the film, it’s a more enjoyable film than many post-2010 Syfy movies, which counts for something.

The story isn’t anything particularly interesting. Dealing with a pesticide that inadvertently improves the surviving wasps’ strength and venom accidentally unleashed on a small town, it’s the average fair when it comes to these types of films. There’s even a coroner who is exactly like Roy Brocksmith’s coroner from Arachnophobia – eating nonchalantly while dealing with corpses. So much of the film is stereotypical, and the ending is also exactly what you’d expect.

One thing I have to give the film minor props for, though, is the fact it takes place in southern Indiana. No doubt the town is fictional, and the movie is filmed in Canada, but an Indiana setting does warm my Hoosier heart, so though it doesn’t add much, it’s sort of fun seeing my state representin’.

None of the performances here are great, but I think some of the central performances were admirable enough. Michael Shanks (who is likely most recognizable as Dr. Daniel Jackson from Stargate SG-1, but also starred in Mega Snake) was decent. Richard Chevolleau’s character, despite his errors, ended up being pretty decent. Tim Thomerson (Unseen Evil and Fade to Black) was sort of funny (“How about them apples?”) in a generic way, and Carol Alt (Snakehead Terror) was serviceable.

On the flip-side, there was Ellen Dubin. I don’t blame the actress, but boy, her character went downhill quickly. Her boss is killed by a wasp, and she basically loses it. She attempts to kill the wasp with a shotgun, and even after she does that, she begins thinking that there are more wasps around, and drowns in paranoia. These portions weren’t particularly fun to me, and while they don’t last long, the performance was just painful.

As you might be able to imagine, the special effects here aren’t what people would generally describe as ‘stellar.’ Don’t get me wrong – they’re leagues above the atrocities you might see in films like Sharknado and 2-Headed Shark Attack – but they’re not great. There was a decent scene of a wasp stinging someone’s eye, and another had a wasp winding up in someone’s mouth, so there are occasional glimpses of something interesting, but for the most part, Swarmed doesn’t have a lot to boast about.

It’s not a movie that I had a terrible time with. It’s below average, of course, but it’s not nearly as bad as many other horror films can be, and though Swarmed isn’t going to be a movie that I’ll likely watch again, for some classic Sci-Fi, it’s not the worst time.

6/10

Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove (2005)

Directed by Gary Jones [Other horror films: Mosquito (1994), Spiders (2000), Crocodile 2: Death Swamp (2002), Ghouls (2008), Boogeyman 3 (2008), Lightning Strikes (2009), Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)]

This film has always been a low-key guilty pleasure. I don’t think it’s a good movie, and it’s definitely not as fun rewatching as I’d hope it would be, but I’ve always had an okay time with it, and that has to count for something.

Many of the films I see coming from The Asylum are abysmal, but they sometimes get something close to right. The idea here – a pirate coming back from the dead to get revenge on the descendants of those who betrayed him – is at least worthwhile. It’s similar to The Fog, though with nowhere near the same level of class, charm, or atmosphere.

Actually, a better comparison might be Leprechaun, because like Leprechaun’s titular character, Jolly Roger is after not only revenge, and the heads of those who betrayed him, but the gold that was stolen from him. He also gets some one-liners every now and again, such as “Swab the decks in hell” and other pirate-themed humor like that.

Speaking of which, that joke that everyone knows about pirate-themed movies being rated arrgh – it’s in the opening scene of the movie, so check one for bad jokes brahs.

It’s not a terribly funny movie, though. There are some amusing sequences – such as Jolly Roger’s escapades in a strip joint (once informed they don’t have a license to sell liquor, he exclaims “I”ve never heard such an atrocity” and demanded to speak to the governor of the colony) and the mayor (played by Pamela Munro) attacking him – but overall, it can seem a bit dry, despite taking place in the coastal community of Cutter’s Cove.

I can’t say many of the performances were great. The two leads, Tom Nagel (The Beast of Bray Road, Hillside Cannibals, and The Butcher) and Kristina Korn, were okay, but neither one stellar. Thomas Downey (Frankenstein Reborn, Dracula’s Curse, Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan, and Sorority Party Massacre) was pretty generic, but Kim Little (Killers, Killers 2: The Beast, and Scarecrow Slayer) was decent. Jolly Roger was played by Rhett Giles (Way of the Vampire, Wraiths of Roanoke, The Fear Chamber, and Frankenstein Reborn), and he did pretty well. Also, while not a big role, I wanted to say I did like Megan Lee Ethridge (Alien Abduction) during the opening.

Most of the kills here are pretty terrible, as are the special effects, but at the very least, there was a guy who had his arm ripped off, and he was beaten to death with it, which has to count for something, I imagine. Overall, most of the kills are decapitations, one with a musket, and not many of them look that great.

Really, with a title like Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove, the movie should have been a lot more fun. As it is, I’ve seen it a handful of times before, perhaps as many as three, and I’ve always enjoyed it for what it is. It’s not a movie I’d call good, but I do think, at least for me, it settles somewhere around average.

7/10

Wild Country (2005)

Directed by Craig Strachan [Other horror films: N/A]

As far as I can tell, there’s only a few things going for Wild Country, and none of them are enough to pull the movie up above average, or even anywhere close.

For one, I do appreciate the fact it’s a Scottish movie – gives it a bit more flavor, and though the accents take a bit to get used to, subtitles were in the copy I watched, so it was never too difficult to decipher the conversations. Related, this was filmed somewhat near Glasgow, and the fields and such did look quite beautiful and pastoral.

The special effects are pretty good here, especially for a lower-budget picture. It’s never the main focus, but you do see throats ripped out, a guy almost chomped in half (with some ribcage showing), and a few gory aftermaths here and there. Again, it’s never the focus, but for what they had, the special effects weren’t shabby at all. The werewolf design, though, is a different question.

Lastly, and this might be what draws most people to this film, you have about 15 minutes of Peter Capaldi. I know Capaldi best from his run as The Doctor on Doctor Who – I always felt he was an underrated Doctor who was dealt iffy stories. Seeing him here was sort of amusing (and it’s worth mentioning that while I have seen this before, when I first saw it, I didn’t know who Capaldi was), but he only pops up at the beginning and the final ten minutes minutes, so he doesn’t really add that much aside from the value of seeing a familiar face.

Samantha Shields did pretty good as the lead, and though she didn’t have much experience, her performance here was quite decent. She worked well with Martin Compston, who also stood out positively. As for the other three central performances, being Nicola Muldoon, Kevin Quinn, and Jamie Quinn, I had no great issues with them, but they didn’t really add a whole lot to the movie.

Being a lower-budget werewolf movie, I can appreciate that it didn’t try to overstay it’s welcome, as the film runs at an hour and 13 minutes. Funnily enough, I still think it runs a bit long, but that’s just due to not caring for some of the pacing here.

And related to that, the ending of this film was somewhat abysmal. It didn’t come as a surprise – somewhat early on, once the action gets going, you can sort of see where it’s going. Even so,it just struck me as a bit ridiculous, and just didn’t really do much to make me care for the movie any more.

Overall, some aspects of Wild Country are worthy of respect, such as some of the performances and special effects. At the same time, it’s not a movie that I enjoy too much, and while it might be worth a single watch, it’s not something that would likely make someone’s top werewolf outings.

5/10