Crawlspace (1986)

Directed by David Schmoeller [Other horror films: Tourist Trap (1979), Catacombs (1988), Puppet Master (1989), The Arrival (1991), Netherworld (1992), Possessed (2005), Little Monsters (2012), Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre (2018), Death Heads: Brain Drain (2018), Carnage Collection – Puppet Master: Trunk Full of Terror (2022)]

Honestly, there’s not really a lot to Crawlspace. Oh, sure, it’s short, at only an hour and twenty minutes long, but more to the point, there’s not a whole lot of story here. Girl moves into an apartment building, girl hears strange noises, girl finds out landlord is a Nazi. I mean, we’ve all been there, right?

Well, perhaps not, but it is true that this movie doesn’t really feel that active. It’s not that there’s really a boring moment here, because I don’t think it drags at any point, it’s more that it just felt, for lack of a better adjective, shallow.

Respect where respect is due, Klaus Kinski gives a great performance (apparently he wasn’t that enjoyable off-camera, which was interesting to learn). It’s not that his character is filled with unique backstory or emotion, it’s just that he plays his role in a very creepy, yet subtle, style, and he’s pretty much all you’re watching when on-screen.

Problematically, he’s about one of the only reasons to go out of your way to watch this, though. It’s not that the other performances are bad, or even lacking (I personally enjoyed the main character, played by one Talia Balsam), it’s just that there’s not a lot to this movie, and Kinski’s character is pretty much the focus for a large portion of it.

Hell, most of the kills themselves aren’t exactly that memorable, save for maybe the chair scene, and while I’ll give credit to the ending for being somewhat suspenseful (a chase through air ducts being both claustrophobic and tense), along with the woman trapped in the cage added an additional uneasy vibe, I just couldn’t find it in me to call this an overly memorable movie.

I think I’ve seen this one maybe three times before, perhaps only two. No matter how many times I saw it before this most recent viewing, though, I don’t think I was ever amazed with it. No doubt that Crawlspace is competent, and occasionally compelling, but it’s certainly not much more than that. Not bad with a single watch, but I really don’t think multiple viewings does this one much good.

6.5/10

This is one of the films covered by Fight Evil’s podcast. Listen to the wonderful video below to hear Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss Crawlspace.

I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)

Directed by Meir Zarchi [Other horror films: Day of the Woman (1978), Don’t Mess with My Sister! (1985)]

Making a sequel to the 1978 exploitation classic was ill-advised. I don’t know the story behind why this sequel was made (it may perhaps have to do with the remake which came out in 2015, followed by two sequels), but regardless, it wasn’t a great decision.

I have maybe three good things to say about Deja Vu, but I want to deal with the elephant in the room first, and the elephant is the two-and-a-half hour run-time.

Listen, I don’t have a problem with longer movies if it’s epic length is fit with an epic story. Titanic has long been a favorite of mine, believe it or not. But no matter how this movie is spun, it’s not some revenge epic, and it certainly didn’t need to be as long as it was. Now, to be fair, if it were cut by an hour (easily doable), the movie would still be bad, but the fact that this movie runs so damn long is just an insult to the viewer.

Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever seen such a ponderous journey into such a joyless world.

This movie was frustrating at pretty much every turn, and it was hard to really care about anything. Sure, after Jennifer Hill (played by Camille Keaton, of course) and her daughter (Jamie Bernadette) are abducted, you hope they can get out, but only because the kidnappers were wholly unbearable.

Maria Olsen isn’t a name I know, and I’ll give her limited props for being one of the better performances here. I couldn’t stand the idiocy of her character at all (if you’re husband was a rapist, and you don’t understand why a woman would kill him, thinking may not be an active past-time for you), and I couldn’t help but be reminded of Roseanne Barr (that voice, tho…), but her graveside conversation to her deceased husband was one of the better scenes.

Another name that I have to give major kudos to is Jim Tavaré, who played Herman, the mentally-handicapped father to Matthew (from the first film). I honestly think Herman would have been worth letting go, but after a certain point, I understand the need to protect yourself. On this note, I loved his introduction, pointing to a picture of his son and trying to understand why Jennifer killed him all those years ago.

I don’t know if I touched on this in my review for the first film, but killing Matthew was probably a mistake. He never would have done anything if he had a better circle of friends, and obviously, he wasn’t mentally competent enough to understand exactly what he was being told to do. Here, Tavaré also feels rather sympathetic at times (especially following the rape, in which he tried to stand up to the three lunatics), and he definitely stood out.

Otherwise, Jonathan Peacy was unbelievably annoying, Jeremy Ferdman generally forgettable, Holgie Forrester just terrible, and Roy Allen III just lukewarm. Forrester and Peacy were definitely the worst here, but God, the story itself was so damn awful that I don’t personally blame any of the performances here for how the final product turned out.

It might be fair to say that, save for some okay performances, the best thing about this film was the flashbacks to the original movie, and the fact that they tried as hard possible to let us know this was a continuation to an over forty year old film, what with the references and locations. None of the kills here were great, and much of the movie was just ponderous tripe.

There were some occasionally interesting ideas here, such as the idea of revenge being circular (the ending, for instance, could easily led to a third movie, which would be rather regrettable), and the idea of finding a family member decapitated is pretty horrifying, but much of this is drowned out by just how hard Deja Vu is to sit through.

Two-and-a-half hours.

I don’t know the intention behind this film, but more than anything, I found it an insult to the original, which is a shame, given that they got Keaton back, and it’s directed by the same damn guy. Even so, I thought this was just awful.

2.5/10

This is unfortunately one of the films covered by Fight Evil’s podcast. If you want to hear my real pain, listen below as Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu.

Blood Widow (2014)

Directed by Jeremiah Buckhalt [Other horror films: N/A]

Blood Widow is a movie that has very little going for it. I mean, very little. Like, almost nothing, if not for okay special effects and Kelly Quinn, who played a stereotypical, yet sometimes amusing, hippie character. Even with that, though, this movie is pretty much a waste.

Obviously lower-budget movies can have a harder time making things work, but honestly, the special effects here were mostly okay. True, a few decapitations and dismemberments looked rather weak, but there were some decent butcherings here. The lighting, or lack thereof, is probably the bigger problem, though, as it rendered some of the scenes rather indecipherable.

Performances were generally weak too. I don’t necessarily fault the actors and actresses for the rather awful dialogue (“Check the other rooms” “I am not checking the other rooms” “Please, check the other rooms.” “Fine, what room?” is a quality example), but the characters fall entirely flat and into stereotypical territory, such as the hippie, nature-lover, acid-taker named Harmony (played by Kelly Quinn). Now, I liked this character far more than anyone else, but boy, talk about a walking caricature.

Otherwise, I guess Danielle Lilley was okay, but the way she just accepted her boyfriend’s (Brandon Kyle Peters) immature behavior and consistent lies rubbed me the wrong way. In general, though, I just felt bad for her. Emily Cutting and Christopher de Padua were entirely forgettable, and I think I only wrote their names down here to take up a bit more space. #Professionalism.

I honestly think that, with a few changes, this movie might have been okay. Not great, mind you, just okay. First, instead of 80 minutes (74 if you don’t count the six minutes of credits), just make this an hour. Cut the fat out, especially if you’re going to go with an ending like this one went for. Secondly, try and write a better script that doesn’t feel like a bare-bones, by-the-numbers slasher. Thirdly, invest in some lighting.

For Blood Widow, I honestly thought there was potential. Now, I didn’t go into this one thinking that they were able to make it work (I had seen the extremely low rating this had on IMDb before starting the film), but it still could have been okay if they tried a bit harder in some aspects. As the finished film is, it’s honestly just somewhat pathetic, and save some special effects and a stereotypical character, Blood Widow just isn’t a memorable movie for anything positive.

2/10

This is one of the films covered by Fight Evil’s podcast. Listen below as Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss Blood Widow.

Fright Night Part 2 (1988)

Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace [Other horror films: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982), It (1990), Danger Island (1992), Vampires: Los Muertos (2002)]

Despite being a big fan of the first movie, I’ve never once really wanted to see this one, partly because I am such a big fan of the first. I knew that this had returning characters, but I wasn’t really sure where this one was going to go, and I just knew that while the first movie was fantastic, the second probably couldn’t compete.

After having seen it, I can sort of say I was correct, because I did find this film below average, but to my surprise, I did find this a bit better than I thought it would have been.

A big reason for this is the return of Roddy McDowall in the role of Peter Vincent. He’s just as fun here as he was in the first movie, and it’s obvious that he really cares for the well-being of Charley (William Ragsdale, also returning from the first movie). The two of them share some solid scenes, and while nothing is really too emotionally-moving, it was nice seeing the pair of them again. As far as love interest is concerned, Amanda Bearse was dropped entirely in favor of Traci Lind, which was a move I was okay with, as Lind has a very attractive look (especially wearing those glasses – hubba hubba).

One move I didn’t much care for was having the antagonists being a group of vampires (as opposed to just a single vampire and his assistant, as the first film had). Having four vampires here, led by Julie Carmen’s Regine, wasn’t something that really interested me, and led to most of the more comedic scenes (such as that pointless bowling sequence, and the whole of Jon Gries, a character I really didn’t like). In relation, Ernie Sabella’s character was another one that, while a twist was present, I thought was unnecessary. The best I can say about these antagonists is that Brian Thompson was there, who I know as the Alien Bounty Hunter from The X-Files.

Story-wise, Fright Night Part 2 is decent. It’s not great, but I liked Charley seeing another vampire attack, alerting Vincent, and then finding out that it happened during a vampire-themed party. Vincent in particular during that sequence seemed to be having a fun time (at least until he pulled out his trusty mirror). Lind’s character development throughout was somewhat fun, and the scene in which she goes to the state institution was perhaps her highlight.

I’ll give the movie a few mores props for both the music and special effects. The music they use here isn’t too far removed from the first film, and has that wonderfully 80’s synth feel to it. Definitely brought with it a solid vibe. The special effects were pretty solid throughout too, and though I didn’t care for some of the vampire characters, I can admit they did some cool things with them toward the finale.

All-in-all, though, Fright Night Part 2 isn’t anywhere near as good as the first film. It’s still okay, and it’s not nearly as much a degrade as I was honestly expecting, but I much preferred the story of the first movie to this one. The antagonists here were probably my biggest issue, and I think the best thing this movie did was drop Amy for Traci Lind’s Alex. Not a great film, in my view, but certainly not a disastrous one.

6/10

This is one of the films covered by Fight Evil’s podcast. Listen below as Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss Fright Night Part 2.

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

Directed by Tod Williams [Other horror films: Cell (2016)]

It’s no surprise that I rather abhorred the first movie, and because of that, I didn’t really go into this one with a high expectation of enjoying it. And of course, it may come as little surprise that I didn’t care for this at all.

I did appreciate how it connected to the first movie somewhat unexpectedly. It didn’t really make the film any better, but perhaps it gained a little depth due to that addition. Still, the movie is pretty much the first movie only with a family as opposed to a couple, and that change didn’t really blow me away.

Once things really start happening (about an hour and 7 minutes in, mind), it doesn’t really matter, because I had stopped caring an hour before. The family all seem like decently nice (albeit rather privileged) people, the daughter (Molly Ephraim) being the most interesting and sympathetic, especially when she’s trying to convince her father (Brian Boland) of the supernatural goings-on in the house. As decent, though, as Ephraim was, it doesn’t really make the film any more engaging.

Without fail, I usually bring up the fact that I don’t dislike found footage movies automatically. There’s been plenty I’ve enjoyed, such as Hell House LLC and As Above, So Below. I also understand, at least partially, the appeal of these types of slow-burn films. It’s just that I don’t find them creepy or scary, just tediously boring and hard to get through.

Connecting to the first movie was, again, somewhat clever, and I appreciated that bit of back-story. It doesn’t necessarily shine a brighter light on the first film, but it was still nice. At the same time, the movie is still slow and tedious. I enjoyed it a smidge more than the first movie, if only because Molly Ephraim was a much better character than either Micah or Katie from the first film (both of whom, of course, pop up here).

I also wanted to mention the ending briefly. Much like it’s predecessor, it’s somewhat depressing and gloomy, but, at least to me, it lacked the emotional punch it was probably trying to attain. This is mainly due to the utterly idiotic and tried out “This is based off a true story, we promise, even though it’s obviously not true, we say it is to make the movie more believable and frightening” bullshit that I’m so sick of.

To my knowledge, there’s been absolutely zero evidence of supernatural or paranormal activity. This isn’t based off a true story, and movies that claim they are, when they’re obviously not, really piss me off. This is probably my biggest issue with found footage – if a movie foregoes this foolish true-story framing, more power to it, but when they tack that on at the beginning or end, it’s just insulting our intelligence. Perhaps I sound like a broken record, but as long as movies keep doing this, I will keep calling them out and rating them accordingly.

Paranormal Activity 2 is just as tedious and boring as the first film, with the only real caveat being the characters are a bit better (focusing on a family, even a privileged one, is more engaging than a couple, I always thought). It’s still not a good movie, and it amazes me that this won any awards at all.

4.5/10

This is one of the films covered by Fight Evil’s podcast. If you want to hear Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss Paranormal Activity 2, than this is the perfect video for you.

The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

Directed by Roger Corman [Other horror films: The Beast with a Million Eyes (1955), Day the World Ended (1955), It Conquered the World (1956), Not of This Earth (1957), Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957), The Undead (1957), War of the Satellites (1958), The Wasp Woman (1959), A Bucket of Blood (1959), House of Usher (1960), The Little Shop of Horrors (1960), Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961), The Premature Burial (1962), Tales of Terror (1962), Tower of London (1962), The Raven (1963), The Terror (1963), X (1963), The Haunted Palace (1963), The Masque of the Red Death (1964), The Tomb of Ligeia (1964), Roger Corman’s Frankenstein Unbound (1990)]

The last time I saw this movie, it was free on IMDb. If I had to guess, this was around 2009, 2010 or so. It’s been around ten years since I’ve last seen this, and I can’t express what a blast it was to finally see The Pit and the Pendulum again after so long.

Luckily, this movie very much stands the test of time. It’s simple, yet tense, and, if you’re a new viewer, may keep you guessing for a little while. It’s also rather tragic, as the antagonist come the end wasn’t at fault whatsoever for their actions, and honestly, I can’t much say I blame them for the horrors that went down.

It’s Vincent Price that really brings this movie to life. Price is one of my favorite actors of the genre, and this is one of his top performances, without a doubt, especially toward the end when he seems to break entirely, shouting, over and over again, “TRUE! TRUE! TRUE!” – who couldn’t feel bad for this man during that time? His performance in House of Usher was no slouch, but I think he does even better here, and I really find him engaging through the whole of the film.

To be sure, I have no complaints about John Kerr, Barbara Steele, Antony Carbone, and Luana Anders. Out of these, Carbone was the most forgettable, but he still had a great performance. Steele, of course, was in quite a few classic horror films, such as Black Sunday, The Ghost, Castle of Blood, and Nightmare Castle, and she did great here. She doesn’t get a whole lot of screen-time, and when she does, she’s not particularly sympathetic, but she’s still great. Anders isn’t a name I was familiar with, but I do know that she also stars in Dementia 13, so I thought I’d mention that.

Pit and the Pendulum has a very oppressive, ominous feel to it, and while some might say that things don’t really pick up until the conclusion, the whole film is pretty much fantastic from beginning to end. I enjoyed the flashback of Price’s character, and how that’s later expanded on. I loved the last split-second ending, which really felt deserved. I loved the psychedelic nature of a few of the scenes (not unlike a portion of House of Usher), and the mystery, and that scene where they check the corpse of the supposedly dead woman.

Really, this whole film is great. Until I see the other Corman-Poe films, I can’t say it’s the best (I’ve heard tell that Premature Burial, while not possessing Price, is a pretty good movie), but I can say that it’s hard for me to personally imagine a better one.

8.5/10

The Cat Creeps (1946)

Directed by Erle C. Kenton [Other horror films: Island of Lost Souls (1932), The Ghost of Frankenstein (1942), House of Frankenstein (1944), House of Dracula (1945)]

I’ve long thought that the 1940’s was one of the weakest decades for the horror genre, and this movie is a good example of why. The Cat Creeps isn’t a poor movie, though – like most dark house mystery movies, it’s enjoyable enough. The problem, though, is that this could have been made ten years earlier, and nothing would have seemed out of place.

Obviously, I enjoy the old dark house movies, giving quite solid ratings in the past to such films as The Monster Walks, The Cat and the Canary, and The Bat Whispers, and I enjoyed this well enough also, but I can’t say that it’s not overly derivative. It most certainly is, and it doesn’t have that much going for it that really sets it apart from the better films that came out years and years previously.

Casting-wise, I don’t really have any complaints. Maybe Frederick Brady was a bit weak as the star, and maybe Lois Collier was far more underused than she could have been, but for a quick murder-mystery (this film comes in at under an hour), I thought most here were fine. Rose Hobart (1931’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) was nice to see, and both Paul Kelly and Douglass Dumbrille were both solid threatening individuals.

For what this movie was, and as little as it was made for, I did enjoy the setting, being a large house on a secluded island. It’s nothing new to this subgenre of horror, but fun nonetheless. Related, while there’s not many outstanding or memorable scenes here whatsoever, I did enjoy the utilization of mysterious shadows baring down on people. It happened a few times, and it looked decently effective.

Also worth mentioning is Vera Lewis’ character, who has a bit of a twist to her. It was pretty easy to see her role in the whole mystery, but I did like the addition, and at times, even led me to wonder if Brady’s character wasn’t somehow involved in the multiple murders.

All-in-all, though, The Cat Creeps is competently made and little more. There’s occasionally some fun dialogue, and of course the mystery is fun, but it’s not a movie that I imagine will really stand out in my memory, and given that I’ve seen this once before but remembered next-to-nothing about it, that may be the most accurate statement about this one. It’s not a bad movie, but it’s not memorable either.

7/10

Ozark Sharks (2016)

Directed by Misty Talley [Other horror films: Zombie Shark (2015), Mississippi River Sharks (2017), Santa Jaws (2018)]

Okay, this movie isn’t great. It’s barely good. However, I have to admit that I find Ozark Sharks oddly entertaining at times, and while it’s definitely a movie that’s below average, it’s easily something I can see myself going for again, and as I’ve seen it twice already, that may say all that needs to be said.

I’ll still say more, though, because as a verbose guy, it’s in my nature.

A strong selling point to me about this one is the cast. Few here are really excellent, but who can’t love a cute main character (Allisyn Ashley Arm) with a dorky boyfriend (Ross Britz)? Sure, it’s not original, but Arm’s character is a lot of fun, being a cute bookworm who wears a choker, and Britz has some pretty amusing interactions with both Thomas Francis Murphy’s and Dave Davis’ characters. Davis, on a side-note, also starred in Leprechaun’s Revenge, another movie that I enjoyed more than I probably should.

Michael Papajohn and Laura Cayouette made for decently convincing parents, and Sharon Garrison likewise made a solid grandmother. None of the three were overly plot relevent, but their performances, as they were, were still appreciated. Ashton Leigh was another decently attractive actress, though unlike Arm, she didn’t really do that much during the film. Her character was strong enough, but I was hoping for a bit more from here.

Really, though, as decent as many of the performances are (I think that Britz and Murphy are perhaps the second place contenders), it’s Allisyn Arm that really makes this movie just a bit more enjoyable. Her personality rather amused me throughout, and her dead-pan quote about “enjoying nature’s splendor” is one that I’ve used in my day-to-day life. She’s a lot of fun, and without her, I don’t think Ozark Sharks would have been near as memorable.

As it is, this had simply atrocious special effects and a rather terrible finale. The sharks looked both bland and hideous in their CGI, to be sure, but what had to be the worst scene was one of the sharks getting stabbed with some fireworks. The combination of CGI shark and CGI fireworks was perhaps the worst my eyes have seen in some time. Seeing a shark getting dragged through a wood-chipper was fun and all, to be sure, but I don’t think the ending itself was as satisfying as it could have been.

Like other rather bad Syfy shark films (such as Swamp Shark and Toxic Shark), Ozark Sharks can be rather entertaining at times, and the performances here do bring the film up a bit. It’s still not a particularly good movie, though, and while I could watch it again, it’s not something I’d recommend to others unless I know they enjoy a bad special effect-laden shark film as much as the next guy.

6/10

The House of the Devil (2009)

Directed by Ti West [Other horror films: The Roost (2005), Trigger Man (2007), Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever (2009), The Innkeepers (2011), V/H/S (2012, segment ‘Second Honeymoon’), The ABCs of Death (2012, segment ‘M is for Miscarriage’), The Sacrament (2013), X (2022), Pearl (2022), MaXXXine (2024)]

I’ve not seen many Ti West films. Aside from this, Cabin Fever 2 and The Roost have been it (I recall enjoying The Roost, but boy, I didn’t care for Cabin Fever 2 at all). That said, I was still interested in finally seeing this one, especially because it’s generally gotten favorable reaction from most people I know.

All-in-all, though, I have to say that it feels more like a mixed bag than anything else.

The presentation is off the hook, though. Styled after classic movies of the 1970’s, this has an overall great retro, throwback feel that really has to be seen to be believed. It’s just great, and what helps is the sense of unease and tension that permeates throughout most of the film. You get some great style, you get some great tension, and you get a few good performances (Jocelin Donahue being the best), so what’s my hesitation with lauding over this one?

Perhaps the biggest issue here is the nature of the story. Based on what little I knew about this going it, I was sort of thinking it’d be along the lines of 2008’s Babysitter Wanted, though it ended up reminding me far more of Warlock Moon. My preconceptions aside, The House of the Devil is very much a slow-burn, and it’s not until the final 15 minutes that things really pick up. That’s fine in some ways, as you don’t want to spoil where exactly the story is going before you get to the climax, but for an hour and ten minutes, we have a lot of creepy and unsettling vibes, a few scenes of surprising violence, and that’s it.

Really, it’s a case of ‘to each his own,’ because I definitely see the appeal of such a slow-paced film. A bigger issue I had was with the finale overall, though, from the ritual, as it was, to the final shot. Nothing there was particularly shocking or really all that surprising, and I just don’t know if the build-up was really necessary for what we got. Obviously, from Donahue’s character’s viewpoint, this wouldn’t make a difference, but from an audience stand-point, it warrants a mention.

Jocelin Donahue is really the only stand-out here. I really liked Greta Gerwig, and wish that she was more central to the plot, but it wasn’t to be. Affable yet off, Tom Noonan was pretty decent too. The rest of the family, though, from his wife (Mary Woronov) to his son (AJ Bowen) didn’t do much for me, mainly because we never really learned much about them, or saw that much of them to begin with.

This is a well-made movie, with a solid style and shot in an often interesting ways (very stagnant camera angles which worked to this film’s benefit), but when things lean more Satanic and supernatural in nature, it’s easier for me to get turned off. I still think The House of the Devil is probably worth seeing, and I really appreciated the retro feel this had, but I can’t pretend that I loved it, because I didn’t, and while I might revisit this at some point in the future, for the moment, I just find the film average.

7/10

This is one of the films covered on Fight Evil’s podcast. Listen below as Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss The House of the Devil.

Sorority House Massacre II (1990)

Directed by Jim Wynorski [Other horror films: Chopping Mall (1986), Not of This Earth (1988), The Return of Swamp Thing (1989), Transylvania Twist (1989), The Haunting of Morella (1990), Hard to Die (1990), Scream Queen Hot Tub Party (1991), 976-Evil II (1991), Ghoulies IV (1994), Sorceress (1995), The Wasp Woman (1995), Vampirella (1996), Storm Trooper (1998), The Bare Wench Project (2000), Raptor (2001), The Bare Wench Project 2: Scared Topless (2001), Project Viper (2002), Wolfhound (2002), The Bare Wench Project 3: Nymphs of Mystery Mountain (2002), Cheerleader Massacre (2003), Bare Wench Project: Uncensored (2003), The Thing Below (2004), The Curse of the Komodo (2004), Gargoyle (2004), Komodo vs. Cobra (2005), The Witches of Breastwick (2005), The Witches of Breastwick 2 (2005), Bare Wench: The Final Chapter (2005), Cry of the Winged Serpent (2007), House on Hooter Hill (2007), Bone Eater (2007), Vampire in Vegas (2009), Cleavagefield (2009), The Hills Have Thighs (2010), Dinocroc vs. Supergator (2010), Camel Spiders (2011), Piranhaconda (2012), Gila! (2012), Scared Topless (2015), Sharkansas Women’s Prison Massacre (2015), Legend of the Naked Ghost (2017), CobraGator (2018)]

Oh boy, this was a fun film.

So, first thing’s first, I guess I have to mention that the flashbacks shown here aren’t from the first Sorority House Massacre (which, in it’s own way, was an enjoyable film), but from The Slumber Party Massacre. Why they just threw that footage here to give this killer an origin is beyond me, but hey, they did. It’s a brave choice, really – instead of footage from the first movie, they throw in clips from an entirely different movie.

This film is on it’s own plane.

I think that I speak for everyone when I say that the VIP here is Mike Elliott, who is pretty much fun in every scene he’s in. He also can’t die, as he’s shot multiple times with a shotgun toward the end, and is still kicking. This is after being stabbed and strangled, so this guy is certainly a go-getter.

The main cast, though, consisting of Dana Bentley, Michelle Verran, Stacia Zhivago, Melissa Moore, and Robyn Harris, are all decent in their own way. This mostly takes the form of nudity and scantily-clad pajamas, but here, everyone plays their parts. I think that Harris (who is on IMDb under the name Gail Thackray) was the most attractive here, but let’s give these women their due and admit all are rather pretty. Some were even in adult films before this, so no doubt that played a part in their casting.

Story-wise, what Sorority House Massacre II comes with isn’t that unique, but it’s not exceptionally poor either, especially when some of the more silly elements (such as Mike Elliott’s red herring status throughout) are intentional. I will admit that they took a route toward the end that I really didn’t care for, so it could have been a bit better, but still, it was decent. I will admit, though, that the addition of Jürgen Baum’s character was pretty pointless, aside from giving us more nudity during the strip club scene (which was funny overall, especially with those two Middle Eastern mens’ catcalls).

None of the kills were great, but most were perfectly competent. Either strangling or death by hook, we did occasionally get some blood splatter, but that wasn’t something they focused on. More than anything, it was half-naked women running around a dark house (they could have escaped easily earlier on, as they could have outrun Elliott’s ploddingly slow character, but of course they didn’t) and trying to survive. In it’s own cheap way, it was fun, save for an element toward the end I could have done without.

The film’s laughable, to be sure, but I don’t think that’s overly damning. As soon as they threw in flashbacks not to Sorority House Massacre but The Slumber Party Massacre, I was in awe. The movie isn’t really played comically, but there were enough goofy things here to make me happy without becoming too overbearingly campy. The first movie is a better film, but this one isn’t a movie I could imagine ever having a problem watching again. It’s not great – and it maybe overvaluing the film to call it average – but that’s what I’m going with, because whatever else you can say about it, it’s a fun movie.

7/10

This is one of the films covered on Fight Evil’s podcast. Listen below as Chucky (@ChuckyFE) and I discuss Sorority House Massacre II.