Jiggy's Horror Corner

Directed by Marcus Nispel [Other horror films: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003), Frankenstein (2004), Friday the 13th (2009)]

This film was exceptionally atrocious and mind-numbingly stupid. I could end the review there, but I’ll delve into why I believe this is so. A bunch of teens have a party at an old children’s mental hospital. One of the patients comes back from the dead and possesses someone. Stuff happens. Actually, given the “twist” at the end, this plot isn’t even accurate, but they never bother explaining anything.

So much of this film relied on logic being on a separate plane. For instance, after some creepy stuff begins to happen, the teens decide not to call the police (which might make a modicum of sense, because one of the members of the group hit someone with his car, and they don’t want to go to prison).

But later on, once the building locks itself up, and the teens find the body missing (meaning no potential jail time), they don’t even considering calling the cops. Keep in mind, they have internet service, so even if a call can’t make it through, they’d still be able to potentially contact the outside world. But no. What do they use their phones for? To look up how to perform exorcisms.

It’s as though logic would be a nice idea, but for this film, it was an afterthought they never got to. None of the characters were remotely likeable. Many of the scenes don’t make sense in retrospect. The jump scares are underwhelming.

There are a few things that can be said that a good, though: for one, the film does have a more comedic take on things (evidenced by a few characters), but don’t get the idea it’s a comedy-horror; it’s not. It’s simply light-hearted every now and again. Secondly, much of the gore is actually pretty decent (save a CGI face-being-cut-in-half scene). There was even a funny line that made me smile. But that’s it.

Directed by Marcus Nispel (who directed not only the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake, but the Friday the 13th remake also), Exeter is a poor, poor film. See, a film like Jockstrap Slaughterhouse may not appeal to many people; it was ultra-low quality and had some overly silly scenes also. But that movie didn’t take itself nearly as seriously as this movie did. More so, I actually had fun watching Jockstrap Slaughterhouse. For Exeter, I just wanted the suffering to end (and as it’s an average 90-minute length, it’s Hell to get there). Exeter is a piece of shit, to be nice about it. The gore is about the only thing going for it, and that’s not nearly enough.

3/10

Directed by Joe Bandelli [Other horror films: Bumbloods (2012), Unknown Dimension: The Story of Paranormal Activity (2021)]

A pretty standard slasher fair, Cabin Fear (also known under the title Seclusion, which is how I saw it) features a group of friends who are slowly killed off while they’re at an isolated cabin for a destination wedding.

As this movie is mostly moved by characterization, and there’s not that many characters to speak of (eight total cast members, not counting the extras at the beginning), it’d have been really easy for the movie to fail, but actually, it mostly worked out moderately well. While the plot isn’t overly creative, the interaction between the characters seemed real and accomplished it’s goal.

As for the identity of the killer, that’s more a mixed bag. There’s plenty of red herrings throughout the film, and while they skirted that with the reveal, things still weren’t done as well as they could have been. I don’t even know if the killer could have realistically killed those that died, as the time-frame seems off. That’s not mentioning a scene prior to the reveal, which seems to contradict what was revealed after. Basically, a few scenes needed tightening up a bit.

Another thing worth mentioning is the music, which seems to be stock violin music. It’s difficult for me to explain, but the music sounded really cheap, for lack of a better word, and they definitely should have thought twice before using it.

To end on a positive note, though, most of the actors and actresses did a pretty fine job. Nicole Pacent (who’s character I am still mixed on) stole the scenes she was in, Alyson McKenzie Wells did a perfect blonde airhead slut, and while Matthew Wise wasn’t remarkable, his character wasn’t either, so all’s well there. The only problem I had insofar as acting’s concerned is Clea Alsip. Throughout the film, she was a sappy newlywed, never missing a chance to tell her new husband that she loves him. I know there are people like that out there, but in the situation they were in, it sort of got on my nerves.

Seclusion isn’t going to win any awards, but it was a pleasant enough movie made average by a failure to fully explain a scene or two, and adding in some unnecessary red herrings. All things considered, this probably falls somewhere around being average. It’s not really something I’d recommend to others, but I wouldn’t run the other direction if offered it.

7/10

Directed by Jeff Burr [Other horror films: The Offspring (1987), Stepfather II (1989), Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1993), Puppet Master 4 (1993), Puppet Master 5 (1994), Night of the Scarecrow (1995), The Werewolf Reborn! (1998), Phantom Town (1999), Straight Into Darkness (2004), Frankenstein & the Werewolf Reborn! (2005), Devil’s Den (2006), Mil Mascaras vs. Aztec Mummy (2007), Resurrection (2010), Puppet Master: Blitzkrieg Massacre (2018), American Resurrection (2022), Carnage Collection – Puppet Master: Trunk Full of Terror (2022)]

Finally, a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie I can enjoy.

Keeping things simple, this flick is basically a more polished version of the first movie, and drops the atrocious black comedy tone of the second, much to it’s favor. While I’ve only seen it twice now, I find it a very enjoyable movie to just sit back, relax, and watch.

The Sawyer family here is far more functional than they were in the first two movies (how the family got anything done in the second is utterly beyond me), and more so, the members themselves are more enjoyable. Leatherface (R.A. Mihailoff) is pretty much as he always is, but the additions of Tex (Viggo Mortensen) and Tinker (Joe Unger) were strong indeed, Tex especially for his strong charisma. Alfredo (Tom Everitt) was the weak point, being this film’s answer to the first film’s Hitchhiker and second film’s Chop Top, but he was still infinitely less annoying than the earlier renditions. In short, the family felt more functional, and that really helped with enjoyment.

More important, though, is Ken Foree (of 1978’s Dawn of the Dead fame), who plays a survivalist named Benny. Benny is a badass – he knows how to fight, shoot, and come out ahead. I was pleased with his presentation and his story throughout the film, and Michelle (Kate Hodge) should feel quite lucky he popped up when he did.

The gore in this film is slightly muted, I feel, but there’s still some decently good stuff (such as a painful scene where Michelle tries to free her nailed-down hands from a chair), and though it’s not made a priority, the implication of more gore is always there (an off screen head-smashing, some chainsaw action, etc.). Apparently much of this was because the producers wanted to avoid an X-rating, so screw them.

While this film went back to the basics, it wasn’t able to catch the same level of grittiness the original movie had (though, to be sure, I think it’d be close to impossible for any 90’s movie to match the grittiness of a 70’s flick), which has it’s pros and cons. That said, there’s little to complain about here. You have a good setting (that bog of bodies was beast), occasional action, some amusing lines (“You never heard of pizza?”), solid suspense and acting, and lastly, Ken Foree. A very solid movie, and perhaps one of the best this series has been able to make.

8.5/10

Directed by John S. Robertson [Other horror films: N/A]

One of two adaptations of Stevenson’s classic 1886 novella from 1920 (the other being a 40-minute short featuring Sheldon Lewis), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde is another one of those classic silent horror flicks that many have probably heard of. The movie itself is perfectly fine, but before digging deeper, it’d only be fair to say that out of the classic horror/gothic novels (Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Dracula, Frankenstein, among others), Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde has always been one of the least captivating stories for me.

The movie works, by and large, due to a combination of John Barrymore’s solid duel performance as both Jekyll and Hyde (*gasp* yes, they’re the same person) and keeping things within a proper pace for most of the flick. Aesthetically, it’s enjoyable (though lacking much of the art that foreign films at the time, especially those from Germany, tended to add), and the story is fine, despite not being a favorite.

Which is really what holds this movie back from being great, to me. Oh, I don’t question it’s importance (not only is there a solid transformation scene, but there was a pretty creepy scene with what looked like a ghostly giant spider crawling on Jekyll), but I never, no matter the adaptation (be it this flick, which I’ve seen multiple times before, the 1931 version, or any post-2000’s versions I’ve ran across) found myself captivated by it.

The most common print of this movie is around 50 minutes (which is coincidentally the version I have on DVD), but I instead opted out to watch the full one hour and 21 minute version. It certainly gave more story, but again, as I’m not a giant fan of the story, it just felt eh.

Solid pacing and Barrymore’s acting aside, I don’t love this movie. Plenty of other silent horror flicks stand out above this one for me (and some utterly obscure as opposed to this well-known film), and while it’s worth at least one view, I’m not sure it’s worth much more, in my estimation. This is not a bad movie, but it wasn’t my thing, and I found it a bit below average.

6/10

Directed by Mark Pavia [Other horror films: The Night Flier (1997)]

Mark Pavia, the director of this film, also directed a movie I rather enjoyed, being 1997’s The Night Flier. Here’s what’s interesting: The Night Flier was the last film that Pavia directed before this one. So it’s been just under twenty years since Pavia’s directed anything, and one would (reasonably) think that after such an extended hiatus, he’d be able to craft, at the very least, a movie on par with his last work.

Sadly, that’s not the case here.

17-year old Hilary (played by Makenzie Vega) gets into a fender bender with an odd individual, and later that night, the man attempts to kill her and her friends. It’s not necessarily all that amazing or creative a plot. What holds it back most, though, is the fact that, save the opening sequence of the movie, it takes a while for the horror elements to come into the film.

The movie’s an average-length film, at just around an hour and thirty minutes, and it’s not until an hour in that the killer actually starts making an appearance. Before that, there were some tense scenes, but it was nowhere near enough. Truth be told, though I liked Hilary and her two friends, I was bored for a large portion of the film. When things do start happening, nothing really stands out in those scenes either. The ending wasn’t a bad one, but it wasn’t overly satisfying either, and the killer’s final words make little sense.

So the story is rather average, and the only thing it can really boast is decent production value and a somewhat cool (if not generic) looking killer. The kills aren’t bad, and can even come across as brutal in a way, but much like the movie as a whole, they weren’t memorable. Really, the most interesting thing about this movie are the names involved.

Pavia’s directorial involvement aside, our lead character is played by Makenzie Vega, who isn’t a big name, but did play Lawrence Gordon’s daughter in Saw, so it’s a nice surprise to see that she’s still acting and I have to say, does really well with her character. Her father in the movie is played by Steven Michael Quezada, who portrayed Steve Gomez in Breaking Bad, which was another nice surprise (though Quezada doesn’t get much screen time).

All-in-all, though, Fender Bender doesn’t have that much to offer us as viewers, and it’s really a forgettable experience. It’s truly a shame that this is the product of a twenty year break.

5.5/10