El Bosque de los Sometidos (2012)

Directed by Nicolás Amelio-Ortiz [Other horror films: N/A]

I wanted so much to like this Argentinian movie. Known as The Flaying, El Bosque de los Sometidos is a movie with plenty of potential, but I didn’t care much for where the story went, and while there are some good portions, I can’t say I overall enjoyed it.

I don’t have a whole lot of experience with Argentinian horror. I’ve only seen four others (Cold Sweat from 2010, Resurrection from 2015, Plaga zombi, and De que estamos hechos from 1987), and none of them wowed me. On a somewhat amusing side-note, I thought both La casa muda and Baby Shower were also from Argentina, but La casa muda’s from Uruguay, and Baby Shower is Chilean, so that shows my knowledge of South America.

The point is, I’ve not seen many films from Argentina, and I really wanted to like The Flaying. I sought it out specifically because I thought it sounded as though it had potential, and I’ll definitely say that it did. Four friends are traveling through Argentina, and come across an old, dilapidated castle, and then horrors begin. Don’t tell me that doesn’t sound fun.

What’s better is, that plot is something that easily could have been made as a found footage film. The set-up reminded me a bit of Germany’s Die Präsenz, Peru’s Secreto Matusita (2014), and Mexico’s Perdidos (2014), found footage films all. The Flaying easily could have been found footage, but they opted for a more traditional form of filming, and I really appreciated that.

Even so, while I enjoyed portions of the build-up, the build-up does take a decent while. Nothing particularly scary happens until 45 minutes in or so, and while I loved the dilapidated castle (and by dilapidated, I don’t mean it needed a light glow-up; it literally didn’t have a roof) and the surrounding forest, it wasn’t enough for me, and once the antagonist is revealed and the action begins, I just didn’t love how they went about it.

Of course, this is no fault of the performances. Juan Sebastian Alvarez Windey, Emilio Martin, Olivia Tykocki, and Celeste Subatin all did perfectly fine, and each of their characters had personality and their own individual characteristics. The setting and performances were strong, so that’s not the issue here.

We do get some gore toward the end – someone has a couple of their fingers cut off (this happens offscreen, but we do see the aftermath), and we see pieces of flesh hanging from the ceiling, but portions of the finale aren’t exactly clear to me, which sort of bothered me.

I think when it comes down to it, The Flaying is a pretty decent low budget attempt, but I don’t think the finale was really a great pay-off. Others may well think differently, and I’d still say the movie is worth a watch for a bit of foreign flavor, but I can’t say I thought it was that good.

5.5/10

Aux yeux des vivants (2014)

Directed by Alexandre Bustillo [Other horror films: À l’intérieur (2007), Livide (2011), ABCs of Death 2 (2014, segment ‘X is for Xylophone’), Leatherface (2017), Kandisha (2020), The Deep House (2021)] & Julien Maury [Other horror films: À l’intérieur (2007), Livide (2011), ABCs of Death 2 (2014, segment ‘X is for Xylophone’), Leatherface (2017), Kandisha (2020), The Deep House (2021)]

Likely best known as Among the Living, this French film isn’t without it’s merits, and it started out quite good, but the latter half of the film didn’t really satisfy me, and while I enjoyed the gore, I can’t say I loved this one as a whole.

It’s a shame, too, because the film really starts out strong, dealing with three kids (Théo Fernandez, Zacharie Chasseriaud, and Damien Ferdel) who happen across a guy in a clown mask abducting a woman. In a way, it reminded me of Summer Scars, a low-budget British movie which dealt with kids who skipped school running amok a deranged guy. That story’s a lot more simple, as the kids get away, only for the killer to come after them.

There’s more to it here – the film opens up with a bit of backstory that wasn’t entirely clear, but also involved a pregnant woman getting stabbed in the stomach, so it wasn’t all bad. The gore here can be pretty good, but it does take a bit to get there, and when it does, I think the story itself sort of falters, and the finale seemed a bit rushed and off to me.

The only performances I really wanted to touch on were the three kids. Zacharie Chasseriaud impressed me most – he seemed the oldest of the three, and had to deal with a physically abusive father, which were hard scenes to watch. Damien Ferdel never really gets a chance to shine, but I did like his interactions with his friends during the first thirty minutes or so, and while a bit generic in character, I can see why Théo Fernandez was made the focus.

In all fairness to the film, while lukewarm reviews do exist, I tend to see positive comments lobbied toward Among the Living, and while I personally don’t like where the story goes, I understand why others might find it a wild ride. Maybe it’s one of those things that will grow on me, and if I happen to watch this in the future, I’ll enjoy it a bit more. Not that it’s not a decent movie, but I was sort of expecting more than decent, as I try to pick my French films wisely.

When it comes down to it, Among the Living is a movie possibly worth seeing, and you may well enjoy it. I don’t personally love the route of the story, and portions of the second half seem rushed, but it did have a very strong opening, so this movie is really close to average for me. Doesn’t quite make it, though.

6.5/10

Kuronezumi (2010)

Directed by Kenta Fukasaku [Other horror films: Batoru rowaiaru II: Chinkonka (2003), XX (ekusu kurosu): makyô densetsu (2007)]

I believe this is either the third or fourth time I’ve seen this Japanese film, and I still find it a pretty enjoyable ride. Known as Black Rat (if it’s known at all – even though I first saw this in 2013, it still seems like a somewhat obscure film), this is an emotionally-packed film with a few things going against it, but ultimately ends up quite memorable.

Ever since I first saw this one in 2013 (and if you’re wondering why I’m sure about that date, it’s due to the fact I left a comment on the Horror Movie a Day blog’s entry), it felt like a special movie. I didn’t fully know why at the time – I just knew it was a solid emotional ride, and I enjoyed it immensely, and that’s still true, but there’s more to it.

This was directed by Kenta Fukasaku, the son of Kinji Fukasaku, the individual who directed Battle Royale. Kenta finished directing the second Battle Royale after his father died of cancer, and more importantly, wrote the screenplay for the 2000 classic. I bring this up because there are pieces of humor within Black Rat that remind me strongly of Battle Royale, and if you know how much a fan I am of Battle Royale, you’ll know that such a resemblance bodes well.

Plot-wise, the movie is simple. Six friends (Ryota, Kanako, Takashi, Kengo, Misato, and Saki) get a text from Asuka, a friend of theirs who committed suicide a month and a half previously. The text tells them to come to a classroom at midnight, and when they do, a killer in a rat mask takes them #down.

None of that is particularly impressive or noteworthy, to be sure, but what pulls the movie together, and gives it a hell of a lot of feeling, are the flashbacks scattered throughout the film, giving a deeper look at all of the friends, their relationships with Asuka, and how they hurt her in various, and sometimes unintentional, ways. It’s a Japanese slasher, which is rare enough, but it’s also a very strong film about friendship and how bonds can fall apart, sometimes in tragic ways.

Unfortunately, the film isn’t well-documented on IMDb. Eight cast-members are listed, but only four are credited, being Rina Saito (Asuka), Misaki Yonemura (Misato), Makoto Sakamoto (Takashi), and Hiroya Matsumoto (Ryota), leaving four cast-members without a credit, being: Haruka Shimizu, Mika Shimizu, Shôta Miyazaki, and Rihoko Shimomiya.

Here’s what I know – three of the uncredited individuals are women, leaving the sole male, Shôta Miyazaki, as the one who played Kengo. As for the other three (and if you’re wondering where the eighth cast-member comes from, it’s a sister of one of the characters), I don’t know who played who (Kanako, Saki, and the sister are the only options), which is a damn shame, as I can’t properly give credit to Kanako’s actress, who I rather liked.

Really, the only issue I had with any of the performances would be Makoto Sakamoto, who played a rather timid and cowardly character, almost to the level of parody. He just didn’t seem like a real person, and that sort of hurt.

And to be fair, it’s not the only problem with the film. Some of the special effects (such as an electrocution and an explosion) were a bit shaky, and there were some choices made toward the latter half of the film that felt quite questionable. Also, I’m not the biggest fan of the last scene.

Even so, there’s a lot going in Black Rat’s favor. Among them would be the shorter runtime, as the movie clocks it at around 76 minutes. It doesn’t overstay it’s welcome, and it still manages to use quality emotional flashbacks to great effect throughout the film, and I think it was done fantastically.

Also, some of the kills early on, or more specifically, the set-up to the kills, are great. You know how I mentioned the humor reminding me a bit of Battle Royale’s? It’s during these scenes where that comes up. The killer gives a character a chance to block a soccer goal – if the character can save the goal, they won’t be killed (or so the killer insists). Well, of course the block isn’t made, and the killer does a cute little dance before they take a baseball bat to the unathletic fellow.

My favorite scene, though, is the killer giving someone a chance to get 100 points on a karaoke song – if they can get the required points on the song, they’re free to go. Of course, they flub the song (being tied down and cut with a boxcutter can put a damper on my singing also), but during the performance, the killer is waving their arms along to the song (again, because this movie isn’t documented well, I don’t know the song, but it’s damn catchy, and the chorus, which goes “Everybody, let’s live for love” is fun).

Neither of these scenes are explicitly comedic, and given the scenario, no one was laughing, but they were both fun, especially the karaoke sequence, and more than that, quite unique.

Asia has largely never been big on slashers, especially since the surge of both Japanese and Korean movies beginning in the late 1990’s. Hong Kong had Dream Home in 2010, and South Korea gave us To Sir, With Love (also known as Bloody Reunion) in 2006, but for the most part, there’s a dearth of modern-day Asian slashers. Black Rat is one of the few Japanese slashers I’ve seen, and for that fact alone, it’s unique, but add on the other stuff I liked about it, and it’s big news.

I get the sense I enjoy Black Rat a lot more than most people. It’s an obscure movie, sure, but many of the reviews I have read on the film (including the one linked above by Horror Movie a Day) have been mediocre, and the film has only a straight 5/10 on IDMb (EDIT: or did when I wrote this on October 21st, 2021, as it now has a 4.7/10). I guess it just hit the right spots for me when I first saw it back in 2013, and seeing it with fresh eyes, it largely still does.

8.5/10

Killer Mountain (2011)

Directed by Sheldon Wilson [Other horror films: Shallow Ground (2004), Kaw (2007), Screamers: The Hunting (2009), Carny (2009), Mothman (2010), Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010), Scarecrow (2013), Shark Killer (2015), The Unspoken (2015), The Hollow (2015), The Night Before Halloween (2016), Neverknock (2017), Stickman (2017), Dead in the Water (2018)]

While Killer Mountain isn’t a particularly good movie, I do have to give it credit for a somewhat unique premise. It’s still not really worth seeing, but if you do take a chance with this, at least you get some mountain action.

There’s not that many horror films that deal with mountain-climbing, so if that’s something you have a hankering for, look no further. There are some moderately suspenseful sequences here, such as a person trying to rescue someone from a helicopter hanging off a 2,000 feet drop, which was fun.

Really, what gives this movie a slightly more interesting feeling is the setting, being the Gangkhar Puensum mountain in Bhutan. To be sure, this wasn’t at all filmed there, but for an in-universe setting, it’s unique, and seeing people trying to climb a snowy peak has a nice adventurous aura to it. It helps that the dragon-like creatures are attempting to consume them, of course.

I can’t say there were many performances that really stood out. I guess that Aaron Douglas (The Monster, Blood: A Butcher’s Tale) made an okay lead. He was at least different from the generic young, pretty guy. Everyone else pretty much had the occasional moment, such as Andrew Airlie, Crystal Lowe (Wrong Turn 2 and Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon), Paul Campbell (Severed), and Torrance Coombs, but this isn’t a movie to watch for the performances.

To be sure, I don’t think it’s a movie to watch for the dragon-like creatures either, as we’re barely able to make them out. At the same time, that might have been a wise decision, especially if the special effects wouldn’t have been up to snuff, which seems likely based on the few more creature-centrict scenes we did get. There was also a leech-type thing with quite sharp teeth, which looked disturbing, but save for one sequence, these didn’t really appear at all.

Killer Mountain wasn’t a movie I found that remarkable when I first saw it, and it’s only because it takes place on a mountain in Bhutan that I tend to remember the film. It’s not a bad watch, but it’s nowhere near stellar, and I wouldn’t personally go out of my way to see this one a third time.

5.5/10

Nightmare Shark (2018)

Directed by Griff Furst [Other horror films: I Am Omega (2007), Wolvesbayne (2009), 30 Days to Die (2009), Lake Placid 3 (2010), Maskerade (2011), Swamp Shark (2011), Arachnoquake (2012), Ghost Shark (2013), Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (2013), Starve (2014), Cold Moon (2016), Trailer Park Shark (2017)] & Nathan Furst [Other horror films: N/A]

This might be one of the most innovative Syfy originals I’ve seen in the last ten years. Nightmare Shark isn’t a great film, I hate to say, but it is the exact type of bold step the channel might want to consider taking, as this was a delight to see.

And that’s not something I can say for a lot of modern-day Syfy originals, especially their shark-themed ones. It’s a breath of fresh air – well, mildly fresh, because Nightmare Shark isn’t exactly original (as it borrows quite a bit from A Nightmare on Elm Street), but compared to the rest of their shark input, it’s good stuff.

Here’s a big part of why I appreciate the film, though – it brought back characters from two previous Syfy shark films, Atomic Shark and Trailer Park Shark. From Atomic Shark, Kaplan (Bobby Campo) and Gina (Rachele Brooke Smith) are back, and from Trailer Park Shark, we get Rob (Thomas Ian Nicholas) and Jolene (Lulu Jovovich). While there’s not much focus on their past adventures save a reference (a character runs into news articles about the events from both movies), it’s nice to have the same characters come back in this format.

It’s especially interesting, because we get to see what the impact of surviving one of these ridiculous shark attacks might look like. Thomas Ian Nicholas’ Rob was a pretty decent character in Trailer Park Shark, but he’s angry here, emotionally broken, and Lulu Jovovich’s Jolene (who honestly didn’t do much in Trailer Park Shark) had to really pull most of the weight. Gina and Kaplan seem largely unchanged (I would have liked to know if Gina got her degree in environmental sciences yet), but still, great to see them back.

And the situation itself is fun. Because of nightmares all of them have been having dealing with involving water and sharks, they agree to a drug trial run by Tony Amendola’s character in a remote cabin. It’s not an ingenious set-up, but get this – it may be a Syfy shark movie, but there’s no beach, no lifeguards, no drunken shenanigans on the water – and that’s a nice feeling, as those get so damn tiresome. Throw in the possibility that Amendola’s character may not be on the level, and you have a fun time.

Caroline Cole made a decent lead, and she was a strong character, but as she’s not someone from a previous film, I can’t say she stood out as much as others. Tony Amendola was surprisingly decent in his role, and of the four returning characters, I think it’s a surprising Lulu Jovovich who did the best. To be sure, it was great seeing Rachele Brooke Smith back in action, and the same could be said of Bobby Campo, but Jovovich did well for a character that didn’t impress me much in Trailer Park Shark.

None of the dream sequences are particularly noteworthy, aside from perhaps the sequences that takes place in a barren collection of dunes, which looked sort of cool (and once giant fins started popping up, sort of goofy). The dreams are pretty typical – walking out a door and then find you’re hanging off a cliff, or a parody of Freddy’s attack in a bathtub, only with a shark – but none are that bad, and unlike Trailer Park Shark, this movie isn’t particularly trying to be goofy or funny, and I appreciated the somewhat dark vibe.

If I could have fixed anything, it would have been the final scene, which is a bit inconclusive. I sort of liked it early on, because it seemed like it might be a subversion of the type of ending the audiences have come to expect, but the final shot itself just wasn’t something I was fond of.

That said, I did quite like the whole idea behind why the antagonist was doing what the antagonist was doing – it was really insane, but sort of corny fun, and I just dug it, even if the special effects behind the evil shark god were a little suspect.

I didn’t really like either Atomic Shark or Trailer Park Shark, so to bring back characters from both of those films (films which aren’t tonally consistent with this one at all) and change up the format was a fantastic idea, and it’s this type of idea that perhaps Syfy should experiment with in the future, because while Nightmare Shark isn’t a good movie, it was leagues above many of their other originals in recent times.

6.5/10

Trailer Park Shark (2017)

Directed by Griff Furst [Other horror films: I Am Omega (2007), Wolvesbayne (2009), 30 Days to Die (2009), Lake Placid 3 (2010), Maskerade (2011), Swamp Shark (2011), Arachnoquake (2012), Ghost Shark (2013), Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (2013), Starve (2014), Cold Moon (2016), Nightmare Shark (2018)]

And yet another Syfy original shark film. Trailer Park Shark is a film that I didn’t care much for when I first saw it, because, as you might be able to tell by the title, the movie is a bit silly. I can deal with some levels of humor in my movies, but I just couldn’t get into Trailer Park Shark, and it’s not my idea of a good Syfy effort.

Of course, the right audience might have a different perspective, but personally, I don’t really care to see a bunch of redneck stereotypes fixing things with duct tape, calling each other skanks, and fighting sharks. Well, technically, it’s one shark, but to sweeten the deal, the shark is electric, so that’s fun, right? I just don’t care for the stereotypes they have in the film, and it doesn’t really give me many characters to root for.

The thing I did appreciate about this was the little political element. See, the land the trailer park is on is owned by a Mr. Deconnard (played by Dennis Haskins), and because he wants to drill on the land, he wants the trailer park, and the people, gone. So what does he do? He has the dam blown up, which is how the shark gets there in the first place, and naturally, how the whole trailer park becomes flooded. He did it for money, and I can’t fault a movie for showing capitalism as the negative force it is, so I dug this element.

Otherwise, there wouldn’t be too much to enjoy here. The shark has a few electrical powers – it can send out electrical pulses in the nearby water, which, if it catches someone off guard, will stun them. Apparently this happened because a character early on tried to defend themselves with a powerline, and the shark soaked up the electricity for his own needs, which I guess is what science has been warning us against all along.

There are some really ridiculous elements to the movie, which don’t help matters. I don’t mind a tongue-in-cheek movie every now and again – I liked, and gave a good rating to, Lavalantula. It’s just too much here, from the whole running gag of a horse named Duke (“I’m doing this for my big, brown Dukey” – yes, that was said with a straight face) to one of the characters mocking another named Daisy by singing a clever parody of SpongeBob Squarepants titled “Daisy Skankpants.”

Oh, and someone said there was a shark nearby, and another character said, “The weather report didn’t say anything about tornadoes.” Clever, Syfy, clever. I see what you did there.

Thomas Ian Nicholas was okay, and I thought he had solid moral character. Though he only got a scene at the beginning, we also had Ritchie Montgomery (Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators) here, who was nice to see again. Lulu Jovovich didn’t really impress me, nor did Dennis Haskins, or anyone else. Most of the others played goofy stereotypes, and I couldn’t get into them.

Trailer Park Shark is one of those Syfy movies that I look on with regret. Obviously, the movie would appeal to some people – maybe I’m just not a fun enough guy. It wasn’t my type of comedy, though, and while it’s not as bad as Syfy’s worst shark films (2-Headed Shark Attack and Shark Week, for instance), seeing this twice is enough.

4.5/10

Saltwater (2016)

Directed by A.B. Stone [Other horror films: Lake Placid vs. Anaconda (2015)]

And yet another Syfy shark original. More commonly known as Atomic Shark, Saltwater is pretty much the movie you might expect if you’re thinking about sharks that have been infected with atomic radiation.

First off, though, I have no idea why the original title of this is Saltwater. When I first watched this movie, IMDb had Atomic Shark listed as the original title (which makes sense), but sometime after that, they changed it. They list “Saltwater: Atomic Shark ” as a reissued title, but the film itself says “Atomic Shark” on the title screen, and more to the point, what does saltwater have to do with specifically with atomic sharks? I just don’t get it.

To complicate matters, IMDb has a listing for Atomic Shark (2016), a separate movie. Saltwater (2016), on IMDb, is listed as directed by A.B. Stone. Atomic Shark (2016) is listed by director Lisa Palenica. At the time of this writing (October 19th, 2021), Atomic Shark has 296 votes with a 2.7/10, and Saltwater has 696 votes with a 3.6/10. Both films have identical plots, though that’s likely an user error. No idea what’s going on, but Saltwater was the film I watched, and if Atomic Shark is similar, I don’t have an interest in it.

Regardless, the story is rather generic. A bunch of lifeguards on the California coast have to deal with a mysterious shark that’s glowing red, because, as you may have guessed it, it’s been around a lot of atomic radiation. So have a lot of the fish life – burnt, dead fish keep washing up on the shore (and apparently are served at a local restaurant, as there’s a scene in which a food celebrity blows up after having some of the cuisine), which is good fun.

I couldn’t help but think of a couple of other movies when watching this. First that came to mind is, and I don’t think I could have helped this comparison, Toxic Shark. Actually, I’m somewhat sure I first saw both of these films around the same time (October 2017), so that doesn’t help. Toxic Shark has a much more interesting set-up, but has elements I didn’t care for (such as zombies caused from the toxins), and there’s also Malibu Shark Attack, which has the same idea (lifeguards deal with sharks), but I tend to think that one’s more based in reality than what we got here.

Rachele Brooke Smith made for a pretty solid lead, and probably one of the most competent protagonists I’ve seen in a shark movie in a while. Bobby Campo (The Final Destination and Seance: The Summoning) and Jeff Fahey (Psycho III) had their moments also, but pretty much everyone else was insufferable. Mariah Bonner’s (Mask Maker) character was awful, Isaiah LaBorde was awful, Adam Ambruso, again, awful. Jessica Kemejuk reminded me of Chelan Simmons’ character from Malibu Shark Attack (both are terrible lifeguards with other concerns), but unlike Simmons, Kemejuk got virtually no redemption before she was #Eaten (and that’s actually a joke – her character was concerned with becoming viral, and so used terms like “hashtag” and “you jelly” seriously).

None of the special effects were good, but hey, at least we got an atomic shark, so that’s cool. When the shark blows up, there’s a mushroom cloud, which you can probably expect, but the mushroom cloud has the shape of a shark’s jaw and teeth, so that was somewhat stupid. Not surprising, but stupid.

Overall, Saltwater isn’t a great movie, but it’s no worse than a lot of the other mediocre shark movies Syfy churns out, so take that as you will.

6/10

Neverknock (2017)

Directed by Sheldon Wilson [Other horror films: Shallow Ground (2004), Kaw (2007), Screamers: The Hunting (2009), Carny (2009), Mothman (2010), Red: Werewolf Hunter (2010), Killer Mountain (2011), Scarecrow (2013), Shark Killer (2015), The Unspoken (2015), The Hollow (2015), The Night Before Halloween (2016), Stickman (2017), Dead in the Water (2018)]

While I wouldn’t call Neverknock an excessively great movie, I would definitely put forward the film as being one of the better Syfy originals in the last ten years, with a decent amount going for it.

The film revolves around the town of Autumn Ridge and mysterious deaths that took place back in 1986 on Halloween. Some teenagers knock on the same door as those who died did, as is a Halloween tradition in the town, and soon thereafter, an entity is after them, forcing them to either face their fears or die.

As it is, I didn’t care for the entity’s design. It was sort of an oily black humanoid thing, and it just didn’t look that great. I don’t think it looked quite as bad as other Syfy films, but even Stickman looked better, so that wasn’t ideal. Also, it’s fair to say that few of the kills are really that memorable, but honestly, that doesn’t matter as much to me in this case, as I still love the Halloween vibe of the film.

And that’s something that really works for me – it has that small town Halloween vibe. There’s a hay bale maze, which looked quite impressive and folksy. There’s a House of Horrors, which was pretty dope – I loved the room with a bunch of body bags hanging from the ceiling, and what was funniest of all was that as the characters were going through the house, the teenagers were all scared at various points, but the youngest character there (played by Lola Flanery) looked more bored than anything else.

Somewhat amusingly, I didn’t really care that much about the lead of the film, being Dominique Provost-Chalkley (Buckout Road). She didn’t do poorly, but she was overshadowed by more impressive names, especially Jodelle Ferland. I’ve been a fan of Ferland ever since I saw her in The Unspoken, and I thought she did a really solid job here also. Also, as a win for retroactive recognition, we have Kiana Madeira (the Fear Street trilogy), who was fun. Others, such as Varun Saranga (Killer High), Eliana Jones, and Nicholas Campbell, tended to be less noteworthy.

Along with this film, Syfy also aired three other originals during October 2017, being Truth or Dare, House of the Witch, and The Sandman. Two of these (House of the Witch and this one) were moderately decent, whereas the other two were less impressive (The Sandman just sucked brah), and I remember watching all four back in 2017. I was impressed with Neverknock then, and I still think it’s quite a solid film.

Obviously, it’s not a movie that will be to everyone’s taste. I was already probably going to like it simply for the fact it had Jodelle Ferland in it. Even without her, though, it’s a fine movie, and I personally find it a movie worth seeing, even if it’s not exactly special.

7.5/10

Jersey Shore Shark Attack (2012)

Directed by John Shepphird [Other horror films: Chupacabra Terror (2005)]

Ah yes, here we have another classic Syfy movie. Jersey Shore Shark attack is more palatable than efforts such as 2-Headed Shark Attack, but compared to other films, such as Toxic Shark and Malibu Shark Attack, it’s just not good.

I don’t understand the whole Jersey Shore thing. I know there was a popular show about it back in the day, and I’m guessing these characters are based on people in that show (the only name I know is Snooki, or something like that, and this film has a character named Nooki). I don’t understand society – I don’t know how that show was popular, or how most things that are popular have such an attraction to people.

All of that is to say I’ve never seen any episode of Jersey Shore, and more so, I didn’t even know that most of them were Italians. I’ll say that it did lead to a somewhat interesting conflict between some WASP kids and the local Guidos (I have no idea if that’s an offensive term, but they were cheering it at the end of the film, so I’ll just go with it). The conflict doesn’t really lead anywhere, and it’s not really resolved, but at least it was there.

Naturally, the sharks look terrible, and the other special effects aren’t great. The gore is what you might expect, being missing limbs, someone’s ribs getting gnawed on, that type of stuff. I get it – for a shark movie to have stand out gore, I don’t even know what they’d have to do; I just know that Jersey Shore Shark Attack didn’t do it.

They also didn’t do characters that were remotely interesting. Jeremy Luke (playing TC, or The Complication, because when women see his six pack, things get complicated – rolls eyes fuck me) appeared, Melissa Molinaro appeared, Grant Harvey (But Deliver Us from Evil) appeared, and Gabrielle Christian (who looked occasionally like Amanda Bynes) also appeared, but not a one of them was remotely interesting. 

Oh, we also had former NSYNC member Joey Fatone appear playing himself giving a concert. Luckily for everyone, he got eaten by a shark before he could start singing, and as I can’t stand boy bands, I applauded the shark for that.

I’m not saying Jersey Shore Shark Attack can’t be fun in the right situation and the right audience, but watching it alone and sober just isn’t the way to do it. It’s a movie I had to suffer through once, and though it’s a bit  better than the worst you can see on Syfy (the aforementioned 2-Headed Shark Attack, or something like Shark Week), but it’s not near as worth seeing as their better shark attempts.

4.5/10

Desolation Wilderness (2011)

Directed by Robby Massey [Other horror films: N/A] & Derek Mungor [Other horror films: You Are Not Alone (2014)]

Desolation Wilderness is a difficult film. On the one hand, I found it decently engaging in it’s experimental, somewhat free-form style, but on the other, it’s hard to get a feel on the conclusion, especially as it doesn’t feel much like a conclusion.

Which I’m sure is partially the point, or perhaps not, as the film may not have wanted to make any point. The base story is solid – two friends go to a secluded cabin to record an album, and slowly things deteriorate (be it reality, mental stability, who can say?), and come the final 15 minutes or so, some things happen.

It’s obviously not a conventional movie, which I rather dug early on – the friends driving up to the cabin was a pretty intriguing sequence in some ways (with great cinematography). Also worth mentioning, most of the film is black-and-white, save for the final ten minutes, which is color. As to whether that signifies something, I couldn’t say, but I can only imagine the film lends itself to a lot of interpretations, which, to quote the Vimeo page for the movie (which may not even be up anymore, so I’m happy I saved this quote), seems to be the point:

“Robby Massey and Derek Mungor conceived of a picture, which wouldn’t present the viewers of its ideas, but invite them to develop their own based wholly on their subjective experiences. Aided by Ralph Jimenez and Darren Orlowski, they approached each sequence in the picture both with an open mind — ready for improvisation and direction based on feeling — and a careful attention to detail — making each choice carefully as to not reveal too much of a discernible theory. Robby Massey and Derek Mungor’s respective theories, in fact, were purposely not revealed to the other until well after the picture was finished — a choice made to insure true misdirections and no solid through-line. (The true through-line, as it is, possibly will never be revealed.)”

No doubt such an approach to a film is fascinating, and Desolation Wilderness is a unique experience, but because so much is left to interpretation, there’s a decent amount about the finale that’s incoherent. I get it – creative expression – and again, I’m not really the intended audience for movies of a more experimental bent – but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t want something – one thing – to be a bit more clear-cut.

Most of the creepiest things in the film don’t pop up until pretty late. You do have what I believe to be a leech early on, and there are some unsettling moments here and there (bolstered by somewhat awkward conversations at different times), but the creepiest stuff, including some messed up television programming, comes in at the end. There’s also some elements of what I take as mental deterioration – the two of them at one point don’t know when the last time they ate or sleep, nor how long they’ve been there – and I dug that.

Personally, it’s a hard movie to truly get a handle on. I appreciated it a lot more than many other more experiment films (ones that come immediately to mind include Eraserhead and Multiple Maniacs), and I thought both Robby Massey and Derek Mungor did a great job, and it gives you something to chew over, but I don’t know if it’s necessarily something I’d enjoy watching again.

What I can say is that Desolation Wilderness is a unique film, and I’d recommend it to people who want something more atypical. I can’t say that it’d appeal to conventional horror movie fans, and I can’t even say this was intended as a horror movie, but it’s definitely something different.

5.5/10