Category: 2010’s

Hansel & Gretel Get Baked (2013)

Directed by Duane Journey [Other horror films: N/A]

While largely an inoffensive movie (which may itself be an accomplishment, based on the title), Hansel & Gretel Get Baked certainly had potential. The wacky idea of a stoner movie mixed with a horror-themed Hansel and Gretel sounds a lot of fun, and is in fact why I went out of my way to watch this one. As it is, the movie isn’t terrible, but I do think they somewhat squandered some of the potential.

Partially, I’d say this has to do with a couple of unnecessary characters. By a couple, I mean the characters played by Cary Elwes, Reynaldo Gallegos, Lochlyn Munro, Yancy Butler, Eddy Martin, Joe Ordaz, Celestino Cornielle, and David Tillman, along with arguably Bianca Saad. To be sure, most of these individuals didn’t have a lot of on-screen activity, but more to the point, few of them made much of a difference, especially the two police officers (played by Munro and Butler), who appeared twice just to set up a comedic scene, it seems.

As it is, the comedy in the film wasn’t actually overbearing, which was a nice surprise. There are a few elements I found a bit much, such as some pot-controlled zombies, but it’s worth mentioning that they barely appear, and if you close your eyes for half a minute, there’s a good chance you won’t know they’re in the movie (which is how I prefer it). Otherwise, while there’s definitely some comedic elements (including a few rather amusing lines from Lara Flynn Boyle’s character), it’s luckily toned down.

I do have to say something about one of the lines, though: early in the film, girlfriend (Molly C. Quinn) and boyfriend (Andrew James Allen) are talking about some weed the guy got from a sweet, old grandmother in Pasadena. Both of them are quite high, so Quinn’s character begins singing the song “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena.” The guy looks blankly at her, and she says, “You know, the Beach Boys.”

I definitely appreciate that she gets into the classic surf rock that I too grew up on. I do love The Beach Boys. However, and I imagine this is either an in-joke to the common misconception, or perhaps just a joke about how stoned they are, but “The Little Old Lady from Pasadena” isn’t originally sung by The Beach Boys, it’s a song by Jan & Dean (who also did such hits as “Dead Man’s Curve” and “Surf City”). To be fair, The Beach Boys did cover the song live, but even so, I wanted to spend two paragraphs talking about Jan & Dean, who I find deeply underrated.

Back to the movie, though, another lost piece of the puzzle would be Hansel and Gretel. Naturally, they’re brother and sister, played by Michael Welch and Molly C. Quinn, respectively. I think they work pretty well in a brother-sister combo role, but unfortunately, they don’t really do that much together. Most of the film follows Gretel as she deals with her missing boyfriend, and Hansel really doesn’t do that much until the finale, and even then, what he does is quite limited. I just think it’s a shame, as the two of them felt like real siblings, and I would have definitely preferred the two of them working together as opposed to Gretel getting help from another stoner’s girlfriend (Bianca Saad’s character).

Even so, I really enjoyed Molly C. Quinn’s performance. She isn’t an actress I know that well (though I have seen her in We’re the Millers, and she starred in Agnes), but she held her own, and I thought she worked well with both Michael Welch (A Haunting in Cawdor, Before Someone Gets Hurt, Blood Craft, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, The Final Wish, and most importantly, the TV series Joan of Arcadia) and Andrew James Allen (Blood Is Blood, Smiley). Welch had a good performance too; I just wish he did more.

Otherwise, it’s hard to really say anyone else stood out. Certainly Lara Flynn Boyle (The House Next Door) had some funny lines, but I was overall underwhelmed with the story behind her character. Lochlyn Munro (Freddy vs. Jason, The Blackburn Asylum, The Unspoken) was nice to see, but ultimately pointless, as was Cary Elwes (Saw), who only appeared during the opening, and was close to unrecognizable. Bianca Saad was okay, but she really only got perhaps ten minutes of notable screen-time, and that doesn’t really do much to impress me.

When it popped up, the gorier aspects of Hansel & Gretel Get Baked weren’t bad. There was an individual early on who was tied down, has one of his eyes eaten, and a portion of his chest skinned. I can’t say the special effects were great, but I did feel a deal of sympathy for him. Another thing I liked, as ridiculous as it sounds, was a bomb shelter that was used as a growing room – rows and rows (this was a big-ass bomb shelter) of weed certainly made it a place worth investigating.

At this juncture, I should mention that perhaps one of the best ways to consume this movie is shortly after consuming some grade-A bud. Unfortunately, I don’t have any weed on me at the moment, and went in sober. Even so, it’s not a bad film; it’s not good, of course, but at least we avoided awful.

More than anything, I think it was inoffensive and ultimately underwhelming. I don’t think most people would have a bad time with Hansel & Gretel Get Baked, but I’d be somewhat surprised if over half of viewers actively enjoyed it. It’s below average, but it might still be worth a watch if you’re in the right state of mind.

6/10

A Cure for Wellness (2016)

Directed by Gore Verbinski [Other horror films: The Ring (2002)]

When I first saw A Cure for Wellness, I was quite impressed. I didn’t entirely understand everything that was going on, but the very fact the film is about two hours and 30 minutes yet it kept me engaged throughout was definitely a positive.

I was definitely interested in revisiting it, especially since I don’t really hear that many people speaking about this one at all. Part of that, I would suspect, is due to the film not doing well in theaters, understandably so, given the length and somewhat ambitious nature of the movie.

Even so, I found it just as engrossing this time around as I did the first time I saw it. Personally, while the narrative structure is occasionally mystifying (such as the death of the central character’s mother), I found most of the story quite enjoyable. It’s true that you could easily guess some of the twists – if you’ve seen any classic Hammer horror, it’s not too far removed – but the journey to the finale, while perhaps long-winded, was still worth seeing.

The cinematography is absolutely stellar, and a large reason I’d recommend this. A Cure for Wellness is a beautiful movie – even during some of the more horrific scenes (such as someone being tied down, a tube shoved down their throat, and eels swimming down into their body), there’s a beauty. Much of the medical facility/spa looks sparse, and even scenes with a large body of people (such as the dance toward the end) possess a certain charm to them too.

Horror-wise, you have both the oppressive feeling of being in a situation you can’t get out of, along with a more traditional element of gore. Being caught in a seemingly idyllic spa with no way to communicate to the outside world is indeed horrifying, especially when mixed with the idea that something is very wrong at the spa; not only are hallucinations plaguing the main character, but their teeth are falling out. Oh, and there seems to be a moose/deer loose in the steam rooms.

On the gorier side, there’s a stillborn calf cut out of cow – not only do a bunch of eels come out of the cow’s stomach alongside the calf, but there seems to be tiny eels moving under the stillborn calf’s skin. There’s a lot of eels in general – from a quality scene with a water tank to an unfortunate location for a young (????) woman to menstruate – you better enjoy your eely friends, as they’re everywhere. Oh, and someone gets one of their teeth drilled into, in what has to be one of the most painful scenes I’ve seen in some time.

I personally love how the story of the baron and baroness is slowly uncovered, piece by piece. It has a predictable conclusion, to be sure, and there’s really nothing that surprising during the finale, but I still think most things came together okay. I especially enjoyed the dance the staff was having, though it didn’t end that well for some of them.

I don’t really know Dane DeHaan (who also starred in Life After Beth), but despite how atrocious his character is to start with, I can’t help but sympathize with him from early on. The fact he looks like a clone of Leonardo DiCaprio helps. Jason Isaacs (of Harry Potter fame, along with roles in Event Horizon and The Patriot) is about as fun as always. Mia Goth (Marrowbone, X) didn’t have a ton of agency until the finale, but she was still quite good in her role.

For the right type of horror fan, I think that A Cure for Wellness can be a rewarding experience. Admittedly, for a movie that’s about two and a half hours long, anything less than rewarding might justifiably be criticized to Hell and back, but even so, I think there’s a lot to like here, from occasionally creepy scenes and brutal sequences of drills and teeth, to stellar cinematography and a familiar, yet interesting enough plot.

A Cure for Wellness won’t be for everyone. Personally, I think the film has a lot going for it. I find so much of it an enjoyable, if not necessarily fun, ride. It’s atmosphere is quality, and the steam rooms look comfortable. It’s not a film for everyone, but I enjoy it.

8/10

Vivarium (2019)

Directed by Lorcan Finnegan [Other horror films: Without Name (2016)]

From the striking poster to the intriguing trailer, Vivarium is a movie that held my interest from the first time I heard of it. I didn’t seek it out, though – like a bird of prey, or a sleek panther, I waited. I watched. I wanted to hear what others thought of it before I jumped in. I was going to watch it anyway, but I like to have a barometer on odd occasions.

And I didn’t really hear that much about this one. A few comments on Twitter, perhaps, but either negative or positive, I didn’t run across all that many. Now, that could in part be due to the fact I don’t delve deeply into the Twitter horror community, but I think something also has to be said about how Vivarium, despite the unique premise, doesn’t end up feeling that memorable.

To be sure, there are a few scenes and ideas I’ll remember, but for a film that’s about an hour and forty minutes, there’s a bit of dearth when it comes to meat in the story. The basic idea is cool, and it’s what first got me interested in the movie – a young couple go to see a house, and get stuck in a suburban maze of houses with no way out.

It’s a fine idea. It’s a more philosophical approach to horror, and the story primarily comes from the cyclical natures of parenthood. The movie isn’t much grounded in reality, of course – there’s seemingly no way out of this suburban neighborhood, boxes are mysteriously left for the couple with no idea of who dropped them off, and sidewalks can be lifted up, but that’s philosophy for you: it has something to say, and little practical ways to apply it.

There’s a large portion of the movie which deals with the couple, who, after being given a mysterious baby in a box, have to raise the child. It’s not a normal child – it shrieks inhumanly whenever it wants something, it mimics the couple’s voices with eerie accuracy, and it has an abnormal physiology. Personally, I’m assuming it’s an alien, but because this movie goes hand-in-hand with Kafka, don’t expect any answers, because you’re not getting them.

Some of the horror, or more appropriately, tension, is pretty well done. Early on, Jonathan Aris’ character mimics Imogen Poots while showing the couple the house, and generally acts like an over-enthusiastic, creepy individual. The sprawling neighborhood, impossible to escape from and the houses all exactly the same, does bring a strong sense of oppression with it. Related, the clouds that never seem to move, and in fact, never vary in shape, are rather disturbing too. Oh, and toward the end, while I’m lukewarm to the finale as a whole, there was a pretty creepy scene in which a character seemed to lift up the sidewalk and go inside another realm.

Imogen Poots (Green Room, Fright Night, Black Christmas) does pretty well. There’s certainly a good sense of despair, though as we’re given a few time-skips, I don’t think we see it occur naturally in real time. Jesse Eisenberg (who I know best from The Social Network, but has also been in Zombieland and Cursed) does decently too, though there comes a point where his character sort of fades into the background. Though Jonathan Aris (who played Anderson on Sherlock) only really appears toward the beginning of the film, his creepy mannerisms do add quite a bit.

Like I said, I felt lukewarm toward the finale. It’s not that I necessarily wanted all the answers (such as the nature of the neighborhood, the realities under the pavement, whether these things were alien or not, etc), but at the same time, I think a few would have been nice. Cube is a fun film, but I’d still like more than just the set-up, and the same goes for Vivarium, which has such a striking plot, but aside from being a clear metaphor for parenthood, I’m not sure how many of the elements make sense.

More to the point, while some scenes were well worth seeing, I don’t think that Vivarium is going to end up that memorable a movie. It was okay, and I definitely didn’t think it was a bad film, but memorable? I doubt it. Interesting idea, but I wish the execution went better.

6/10

The Maze (2010)

Directed by Stephen Shimek [Other horror films: Nocturne (2016)]

I don’t know if The Maze is an easy movie to look at. Certainly I found most of the first 50 minutes rather unspectacular and quite generic, but the film also changes gears in the final 35 minutes or so, and while not executed amazingly well, I deeply appreciate what they were going for.

In fact, it’s because of the finale that I remember this movie as much as I do. I saw it many years back (since the movie came out 2010, I’d wager to say I saw it no later than 2013, and it’s March 2022 as I write this), and really, the only thing I remembered about it, aside from the fact much of it took place in a corn maze, is the finale, which I thought was stellar. Well, the execution isn’t stellar, but seeing it again, damn it, I still liked it.

The first 55 minutes, though, is, as I said, rather generic, following a group of five friends being stalked and killed while playing tag in a corn maze. There’s not much here that’s really interesting – even the killer, who perpetually wears a red hoodie, is utterly unspectacular – and it can feel pretty dull, even once the tepid killings begin.

Luckily, the latter portion of the film follows the only survivor as they’re taken in by the local police and has an opportunity to relay what happened to their friends. Naturally, the killer isn’t happy that one of his would-be victims got away, so attempts to remedy this by going after them, even if they’re in police custody. It might not sound like much, but it’s also here that we discover more about the killer, and I entirely dug it.

There’s not much in the way of memorable performances. I sort of liked Seven Castle’s (what an interesting name that is, on a side-note; sounds like an amusement park – oh, and she was in 2015’s Delirium) character, though, like many of her friends, we never learned a whole lot about her. Related, Clare Niederpruem (Zombie Hunter, Nocturne, and Thirst) was sort of fun – at least, I liked her Velma scene – but she doesn’t make a huge impression. Luke Drake (who sort of rocks a Cillian Murphy vibe) shines at times, though, which is something.

None of the kills, even toward the finale, are all that interesting, and like I said, the killer, or more particularly, the design of the killer, is rather unremarkable. I don’t know if the flawed finale makes up for any of these shortcomings, but I can say that I personally rather enjoyed what the movie tried to do. It may not have succeeded – at this time, The Maze sports a 3.8/10 on IMDb with 1,068 votes – but I definitely appreciated what they were going for.

It’s because of that that I can’t really say I disliked the film. I don’t think it’s particularly good, and I can’t say that the movie overcomes it’s flaws altogether, but I can see myself both recommending it and personally watching it again in the future due to the almost clever direction the movie takes.

I’d never go as far as to say The Maze is required watching, though, even for a fan of slasher movies, but I think I probably see the film as around average, which is definitely more than what most people apparently take away from the movie.

7/10

The Conspiracy (2012)

Directed by Christopher MacBride [Other horror films: N/A]

The Conspiracy isn’t an easy movie to rate, the reason being that while some portions are taut and compelling, as an overall experience, it feels, at least to me, just a bit of a let-down.

When I first saw the film some years back, I didn’t hold an altogether different opinion, as I found it average. I mostly still feel the same way – the movie does get some things right, and I think it’s a clever idea and a good usage of found footage – but I can’t help but feel that I wanted a bit more from the finale. I wouldn’t go as far as to call the ending unsatisfactory, but I definitely feel that it lacks that punch I was looking for.

Now, I’m not a conspiracy theorist, or, at least I don’t consider myself one. Even so, much of what Terrance’s character (A.C. Peterson) said was stuff I can understand. The Gulf of Tonkin was most certainly a ploy by the US government to get us stuck in the Vietnam War, which was an utter atrocity. That’s not a conspiracy, but fact. I have friends who have dabbled in some conspiracies about 9/11, some of which can even be compelling at times, but ultimately, the idea that Islamic extremists attacked the USA seems logical to me.

I want to be clear, though, that if it comes out that the US did indeed orchestrate 9/11, I wouldn’t be surprised – my feelings toward the USA aren’t positive whatsoever (look at how many leaders we’ve overthrown – Mohammed Mossadegh in Iran, João Goulart in Brazil, Salvador Allende in Chile, Maurice Bishop in Grenada, and Jacobo Árbenz in Guatemala). It’s just that, in this case, I don’t necessarily think it’s the US’s doing (in the normal sense; certainly the way we’ve treated the Middle East throughout history personally leads me to seeing 9/11 as potential self-defense on their parts).

This, however, is not meant to be a political blog. I am a socialist, I do despise the USA, I do despise capitalism, and I encourage voting for third parties, but for the most part, none of this matters when it comes to movies. In The Conspiracy’s case, I think it’s important to point out that while I don’t consider myself a conspiracy theorist, I also don’t think that they’re without warrant in many cases. I’ll grant you that the FEMA camps and New World Order sorts can be a bit much, but I honestly feel that people who gravitate toward conspiracy theories are mostly good people trying to understand the world.

I rather loved the idea of the Tarsus Club, which really does sound like Bohemian Club (an all-men’s private club) and the Council of Foreign Relations (a US think tank), and the addition of the worship of Mithras, along with the pageantry and rituals, makes it feel like it could be a real organization out there. The movie does feel realistic, which is true to the very conclusion, which may partially explain why it has a somewhat anticlimactic feel.

There’s really only three performances I wanted to mention. Aaron Poole (not to be confused with Aaron Paul, though he looks remarkably similar to him) and James Gilbert made for good leads, Poole (The Void) having a bit more character than Gilbert (The Corridor), but both giving a realistic performance. Bruce Clayton was also decent, though we almost never saw his face. Such is the life of those who research secret societies.

The ending of the film is pretty intense, at least for a bit. There are some good scenes, some frantic scenes, and while few scenes were scary, certainly some were suspenseful. And to be fair, though I don’t personally love the way the film ends, it sort of makes sense in context, especially after we see more editing being done to the pre-existing film.

Overall, I don’t dislike The Conspiracy. I also don’t particularly like it. It just exists, as if it were a rain cloud on a day with no breeze. It’s there. It’s nice to look at if you want a balm to this pointless existence, but it’s little more than that. All of this is to say I think the movie is fine. It’s not good, it’s not bad, and while it definitely had potential to be great, it simply just is, and for that, I have to rate it around average.

7/10

Hard Ride to Hell (2010)

Directed by Penelope Buitenhuis [Other horror films: Killer Bees (2002)]

This is another of those movies that I’ve seen before, but it’s been a pretty long time. I believe I caught Hard Ride to Hell on IFC about ten years ago, and while I didn’t like it, I didn’t hate it. Seeing it again, I can sort of understand that feeling, because as much as I like portions of the film, overall, I can’t say it’s a movie I’d want to see too often.

Shaky is a good way to describe the story – elements are reminiscent of popular films from the 70’s, such as Race with the Devil, as the movie deals with a Satanic motorcycle gang, the leader of whom was cast out of Aleister Crowley’s inner circle for his depraved practices. I didn’t hate the story, until we got to the final thirty minutes or so, when another element was thrown in that I just didn’t care for whatsoever.

To the movie’s credit, there are a few pretty solid performances. Among them is Brent Stait (who had Robert Patrick swagger). I don’t know Stait (who appeared briefly in Final Destination 5), but his character here is fantastically bad-ass, and he reminded me of Henry Rollins’ character from Wrong Turn 2, which is a compliment, believe me. Also appearing was Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps, Freddy vs. Jason, American Mary, and 13 Eerie), who I entirely forgot was in the film. Isabelle’s performance is quite amusing at times, and has a good quote or two (“I don’t know, maybe the demon people-eating biker monsters can’t go in a church!”), so I dug it.

Other performances aren’t as strong. To be fair, Miguel Ferrer (The Night Flier, The Stand, Sightings: Heartland Ghost, and DeepStar Six) wasn’t bad, but I just didn’t get a great feel for his character. He was nice to see, regardless. Brandon Jay McLaren (Yeti: Curse of the Snow Demon) also had some strong moments. Laura Mennell, though, felt weak at times, as did both Sebastian Gacki and Brendan Penny. Luckily, Stait, and Isabelle are more than enough to make up for their mild shortcomings.

Another element Hard Ride to Hell brings with a vengeance is the gore. It’s not over-the-top or anything, but there are plenty of violent portions. A man gets his arm cut off (and cauterized shortly thereafter), someone gets their face drug across a highway, another is forced to walk through glass. Toward the end, there’s some chainsaw action, and someone gets both of their hands cut off, which was also fun. Also, there’s a lot of knife action, mainly coming from Stait’s character, so the movie isn’t afraid to give us a little something something.

That’s not enough to make the movie good, though. Honestly, I enjoyed it a bit more than I was expecting, especially after an opening which I found rather weak (it’s about six minutes of characters speaking in Spanish, all without subtitles), but the finale was generally not great. In fact, without the gore and a few good performances, the movie wouldn’t really be worth it. I can’t say Hard Ride to Hell is worth it even with those elements, but they do make the film a lot more palatable.

I didn’t hate Hard Ride to Hell, and given the rather low rating it boasts on IMDb at the moment (3.8/10 with 1,140 votes, as of 11/29/2021), that’s an accomplishment in itself. It’s not a movie that I think I’d gravitate toward too often, but I’d be lying if I didn’t think some characters and gore made it almost worthwhile. I just wish the story had gone a better direction.

6.5/10

KILD TV (2016)

Directed by William Collins [Other horror films: N/A]

While I wouldn’t call KILD TV a stellar film, I will say that it exceeded my expectations, and ended up being a decently fun movie.

The current rating (disclaimer: this review was written on October 29th, 2021) this film has on IMDb, with 258 votes, is 3.9/10, and that’s just a disgrace. KILD TV may not be overly original, but the plot is sort of fun, and the mystery here is moderately engaging. The gore isn’t great, but it’s also not bad, so I don’t know what people were expecting from the movie to give the film such a low rating.

Taking place overnight at a broadcasting station, the film follows the crew of a local Svengali-type program as they’re killed off one-by-one by a mysterious killer. Like I said, it may not be original, but most of the important characters are decent, and the idea that, when they go on air begging for people to call the police, and the audience thinks it’s part of the program, was a nice touch.

None of the kills are overly memorable, though I did like this one individual who got crushed between two vehicles, and there was another fellow who met a grisly end from a boxcutter. I think KILD TV is more about the story and the mystery of the killer than the gore, but for what they have, it’s not that bad.

I think my biggest detractor is the finale of the film. I don’t mind who the killer turns out to be, but I always hated endings where a character was acting completely normal up to a point, and then, once revealed as the killer, becomes insanely manic. It bugged me in Urban Legend, for instance, and it bugged me a bit here. Otherwise, I did appreciate how they didn’t do some last-second scare – such as the killer opening their eyes and then cutting to the credits – which might be faint praise, but praise nonetheless.

Easily the best performance here is from D.C. Douglas (Isle of the Dead, Deadwater, Killers 2: The Beast, and Aquarium of the Dead), who played the late night Svengali-like host, Dr. Perseco. He was as corny and hammy on-screen as you’d expect from those personalities (reminding me of Trent Haaga in Slices), but outside of character, he was great too. More than anyone else, he tried to keep a calm head and figure out who the killer was, looked for clues, and insisted the group stick together. An all-around great character, Douglas was great here.

Other than Douglas, I don’t know if too many performances stand out. Grace Johnston (Bloodlines) started out a bit shaky, but she grew on me. Jared Doreck (Backstabber) had a fun stoner personality, but didn’t do a whole lot. Others, such as Heather Williams, face the same fate. Astrea Campbell-Cobb has strong and weak moments, and though it took a while, Dan Braverman (The Hours Till Daylight) turned into a pretty solid character.

One thing I wanted to note – being a late night horror presentation, they show clips of a movie throughout KILD TV, but what surprised me is that the movie they’re showing is real, being a 2013 film titled Conjoined. At first, I thought perhaps Conjoined was also directed by William Collins, who directed this film, but that’s not the case. I suspect it’s because both films were made in Texas, and it’s a way to promote the Texas horror scene, which I can appreciate.

KILD TV isn’t likely to win any awards, but I thought it had decent production value behind it, the story was pretty good, the mystery highly appreciated, and though it’s not a great film, I didn’t think it was half bad at all, and I think if you’re a slasher fan, it may have something to offer you.

7.5/10

La casa del fin de los tiempos (2013)

Directed by Alejandro Hidalgo [Other horror films: The Exorcism of God (2021)]

This film blew me away. La casa del fin de los tiempos, better known to the English tongue as The House at the End of Time, is not only one of the best time-related horror films I’ve seen, but also among one of the best films I’ve seen.

I expected the film to be good, to be sure. That’s why I went out of my way to watch it. What I didn’t expect was to love the film, and that’s what happened. The story here is quite tragic, and quite beautiful, and has so much going for it. It’s a movie with pure feeling, and I won’t lie, I did tear up during the final ten minutes.

Horror movies aren’t often an emotional experience for me, at least not to the extent this one was. To add to the surprise, I’ve never even seen a film from Venezuela before, so the fact that this one worked to such a superb extent amazed me. What’s even more is that most time-related horror films aren’t great – I know Triangle has it’s fans, but I’m definitely not one of them, and while Timecrimes is okay, I ultimately think it falls around average. Happy Death Day is solid fun, but it’s not much more. The House at the End of Time, however, is on another level.

There’s a drama/fantasy/crime/mystery movie from 2000 called Frequency. That’s the best comparison I can come up with, because much like that movie, The House at the End of Time is an emotional ride, it’s time aspects all make sense and are consistent throughout, and the film can be quite moving at times. There are small twists throughout, and there was one at the end that just got me (it wasn’t necessarily a twist if you were paying close attention, but I suspect like myself, many people wouldn’t be), which was masterfully done.

In fact, the whole movie could be described as masterful. I’ll admit, when I began the film, and it looked like it started in media res, I cringed. I don’t mean internally – I mean, I actually physically cringed. But that’s not what this film did – from the opening, it jumps thirty years, and throughout the film, we get a good smattering of present-day material with material from thirty years previous, and sometimes a bit of both. The narrative structure of the film was amazing. Just amazing.

Everyone made this movie work. Ruddy Rodríguez was amazing. As brothers, Rosmel Bustamante and Héctor Mercado were amazing. Guillermo Garcia looked damn beast, and he was amazing. Gonzalo Cubero, well, need I say it? His character was a tragic one, and the actor did fantastically.

While there is violence in the film, that’s not at all the focus nor import here. It’s more an emotional ride, and some of the more violent scenes, such as one involving a game of baseball among children, also pack an emotional punch. That baseball scene in particular was fantastically-shot, and there are scenes toward the finale that also whisper of magnificence.

I had no idea what I was getting into when I started The House at the End of Time. I was expecting a good movie, but I was not expecting an amazing movie, and this one blew me away in ways I hope it will continue to do in the future. This isn’t going to be a movie for everyone, but it couldn’t have been better in my eyes.

10/10

Phantom of the Woods (2013)

Directed by Michael Storch [Other horror films: Schism (2020)]

Rather psychological in its approach, Phantom of the Woods is a decent film. It’s actually quite a bit better than I expected, and while I still think it falls around average, I have to say that the film impressed me a bit.

One of the reasons I had this on my list of films to check out is that it’s filmed in Indiana. In fact, it was filmed in the Fort Wayne area, and as I live quite close by (Columbia City representin’), I was definitely interested in seeing this. There’s not many horror films from Indiana – a point I pontificate about in my review for Scarecrow County – so this one sounded like it had potential.

And I enjoyed how they tackled the story. There’s an entity out in the nearby woods, and it makes people see what they fear most – some teenagers and a cop get entangled in figuring out how to defeat it, and things go from there. It’s a lower-budget film, but the effects are generally decent, and while nothing really stands out as far as kills go (aside from maybe a scene involving a scarecrow), I was impressed with most of what I saw.

I was also quite impressed with the performances. I don’t know the budget for the movie, but this didn’t feel like The Night Before Easter or Don’t Go to the Reunion. It felt quite polished, and the performances are a good example of that. Both J.R.S. Storch and Delaney Hathaway did great, and I really enjoyed their budding friendship. Mark S. Esch was great as an old-fashioned Marine Corp police officer – I couldn’t stand him from his first scene, and I appreciated that. Richard Hackel and Matthew Finney were both quite good also.

More than anything, I wanted to like the movie more than I did, but the thing is, while I liked a lot of what they were going for, I question whether it really had to be an hour and forty minutes. The time generally went by quickly, and the pacing wasn’t a big issue, but even so, some portions probably could have been trimmed a bit.

For an ambitious film, though, Phantom of the Woods was a surprise. To be frank, I was expecting something a lot less polished than this, and this movie impressed me. It’s not really a film I think I’d watch all that often, but when it comes to Indiana-based horror, it’s certainly a movie that I’d recommend.

7/10

The Night Before Easter (2014)

Directed by Joseph Henson [Other horror films: N/A] & Nathan Johnson [Other horror films: N/A]

While The Night Before Easter isn’t a terrible offering of low budget horror, and certainly not that time-consuming, I have to say that I wasn’t overly enthralled. The basic idea is fun, but it seems there was far more drama than there was killing, and while that helped build some of the characters, I’m not sure it did the overall movie great favors.

The plot here, or more specifically, the setting (being a storage facility) reminded me a bit of another lower-budget film, The Murder Game (from 2006), which also took place in a similar setting. That had probably the same amount of characters as this one did, but I also thought the story was a bit more solid, and while this film does boast a killer in a bunny suit, I tend to think The Murder Game was more memorable also.

As it was, the kills here are okay. Someone gets a saw blade thrown into their back, another takes an ax to the face, leaving  gnarly gash. There’s a throat-slitting, along with a decapitated head, so there’s a bit here if that’s your main interest, but a lot of these kills don’t happen until the second half, and it’s not really until the final ten or so minutes that things really start going.

To be fair, the movie’s a short one. The Night Before Easter runs at just over an hour – 65 minutes total. It’s easily digestible, but even with the time spent building some of the characters (such as Kelly’s infatuation with Riley, or Riley’s opening of a comic book store, or Brooke’s drinking problem), I feel like some of the characters here just don’t get much spotlight, and either could have been cut or given a bit of a chance to explore their backgrounds.

As far as performances go, I think that April Sinclair was the most note-worthy, and her scenes with Alyssa Matusiak were perhaps the most interesting non-murder scenes of the movie. I thought both did quite well with troubled characters. Keldon Flint (“She called me Danti!”) was amusing at times, Bonnie Marilyn Jean played the stereotypically bitchy girl well, and Emily Chidalek had some strong moments early on. I do sort of wish we got a little more from Eric Wyatt – he was okay, but I definitely thought his character could have been fleshed out a bit more.

Otherwise, there’s not really a lot going for The Night Before Easter. It’s an okay lower-budget film, and it can be fun at times, but there’s a lot of other lower budget films from the same time-range I’d probably want to spend my time with instead (such as Don’t Go to the Reunion, Silver Cell, You’re Not Getting Out Alive, and Vampire Ticks from Outer Space), and I don’t know if this film will end up being all that memorable.

5.5/10