Category: Reviews

Directed by Dominick Brascia [Other horror films: Evil Laugh (1986)]

I don’t really know how else to describe this movie but ‘fun.’ It’s not overly cheesy, nor is it particularly gory, but I had a blast watching this flick, which is part-werewolf, part-something else.

A lot of the music in the film is sort of generic hard rock, but whatever, it worked and kept me engaged. The characters, while nothing special, all brought a little something to the film (be it nudity, in the case of Annie Mikan, or just a fun personality, such as Tom Shell). There’s also a lot of fun to be had with just the opening scene (that grandfather had me breaking out laughing twice in the first two minutes), and a dream sequence later in the film was just so bizarre, it’d be hard not to laugh.

Much of the cast was fun too, even if they weren’t particularly good. Susan Grillo was cute, as was Lisa Guggenheim. Annie Mikan did really well as the bitch of the group. Couldn’t stand her, but she did her role as it was meant to be done. Troy Donahue at first is a bit generic, but toward the end, his acting was a blast to behold, in the most ridiculous way. Greg Joujon-Roche was decent as one of the leading characters.

As for the twist at the end, I have to imagine it would turn some people, maybe a lot of people, away. As for me? Threw me for a loop, and I loved it. What helped was Troy Donahue’s utterly over-the-top acting during the scene, and it made that finale something special.

Directed by the same guy who did the slasher Evil Laugh (Dominick Brascia, who really only did these two horror films before moving onto other pastures), a film I recall rather liking quite a bit, Hard Rock Nightmare might not quite end up being what you’re expecting. I had a lot of fun with it, but then again, my taste in movies is somewhat eclectic. I just know that I enjoyed the hell out of this despite the lack of gore. Solid, if a bit low-budget, film, and one I’d definitely watch again in the future.

8.5/10

Directed by Bill Leslie [Other horror films: N/A] & Terry Loftin [Other horror films: N/A]

While certainly a gory movie, everything else was a bit of a hassle to sit through, and ultimately, much is left to be desired after finishing this.

The one thing this early straight-to-video horror gets right is the gore. It’s not always great, and it’s moderately derivative, but at the very least, this movie has it. The body count is pretty high here, too – at least ten to twelve on-screen deaths, which is sort of nice. Unfortunately, that’s sort of all this film can really boast about.

Everything else is quite shoddy. I’m even a fan of SOV horror – I enjoyed Night Ripper, Cannibal Campout, Houseboat Horror, Spine, and a handful of others. This film, though, just wasn’t as enjoyable as any of the ones I listed. It’s a shame, as this movie could have played as a serious rape-revenge film, like I Spit on Your Grave, but instead of taking that route, it goes the ‘serial killer making terrible jokes’ direction, and it came across as rather ridiculous, especially given the killer’s backstory.

I don’t expect great acting, but at least one or two performances that stand out would be nice. Instead, all we got here was Ron Queen, who was amusing only in the fact he always had the same neutral expression on his face. Queen is literally the only one who really stood out in any way, which is amazing, as for a low-budget SOV film, this movie doesn’t really have that small a cast.

I think that this movie could have been better if they had chosen to approach the material differently. Instead of making it a product of the 80’s, if they went more for the feel of the aforementioned I Spit on Your Grave or Toolbox Murders, it’d have been a bit better. For an 80’s film, this movie was just dry, and even when it was trying to add a little spice with the killer’s idiotic comments, it just made it worse. Aside from some decent gore, The Nail Gun Massacre isn’t that worth watching, which is really a shame, as it really had potential.

5/10

Directed by Harry Kerwin [Other horror films: Barracuda (1978)]

After having wanted to see this one for many years now, I can’t help but feel disappointed. Not because the movie is particularly bad, but because I was expecting something quite different from what we got.

What I was hoping for was a grimy exploitation flick with decent gore and an escalation of conflict between the mountain men and the construction company. Instead, we get a lot of characters I wasn’t expecting dealing with various drama, and eventually coming into contact with the three brothers and dying in somewhat grisly (yet entirely gore-free) ways.

It’s certainly grimy, as the rape scene can attest to, and it’s entirely a product of the 1970’s, but for much of the film, it wasn’t that engaging or enthralling. While the sluggish pace was bad enough, the lack of gore in lieu of characterization of the three brothers, wasn’t the best trade-off, in my opinion.

What makes this sting more is that one of the main actors, William Kerwin, starred in three H.G. Lewis films (A Taste of Blood, Blood Feast, Two Thousand Maniacs!), not to mention plenty of other horror flicks, from Whiskey Mountain, The Shadow of Chikara, and Barracuda. With a guy like this, you’d expect a movie with a bit more force. Most of the other actors and actresses here did fine, though by far, Kerwin was the strongest link.

God’s Bloody Acre had potential, and I think they sensed it while making it, as there are some artistic and creative cuts in here that look like they belong in a higher-budget film. As it is, this movie might work out well for a drive-in (and the copy I saw certainly had that scratchy, 70’s feel that I associate with that), but due to the lack of gore and heavy drama at the beginning, I’d have to unfortunately say that this isn’t much worth watching.

5.5/10

Directed by Christopher Ray [Other horror films: Reptisaurus (2009), Megaconda (2010), Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus (2010), Shark Week (2012), Mega Shark vs. Kolossus (2015), 3-Headed Shark Attack (2015), A House Is Not a Home (2015), Circus Kane (2017), Minutes to Midnight (2018)]

No. Just no.

The problem with some movies is that there are no characters that are interesting or much worth rooting for, no matter how bad their situation. 2-Headed Shark Attack is one of them. What doesn’t help is the hideous CGI, most noticeable during the death sequences. They put the least amount of effort possible into making the CGI passable (and, of course, still managed to fail).

These types of films can occasionally be okay. And this film in particular had, to date, three sequels, so there’s always a chance that one of those might be passable. But there’s no redeemable characters here save one played by David Gallegos, and a bunch of somewhat attractive girls in bikinis doesn’t make up for the fact that the movie and story utterly sucked. Hopefully the series can pick up after this one, as if all four movies are of this quality, I just don’t get the point.

2/10

Directed by Alex Merkin [Other horror films: Across the Hall (2009), House of the Witch (2017)]

For a modern-day Syfy original, this was a pretty interesting and decent movie. Unfortunately, it’s held back by a few things, but it’s still overall an okay popcorn flick.

It felt almost like a combination of Cube 2: Hypercube and Saw, with Cube’s influences coming in more toward the end. The film certainly had a solid atmosphere, albeit it there were more than a few things that didn’t really seem to make sense.

Young Jeni Ross did a fine job in the movie, and her character was decently likable herself. Her father, played by Mark Ghanimé, was fun also, and probably had one of the better performances in the film. The father/estranged daughter dynamic really helped ratchet the suspense up, and you couldn’t help but hope for a happy ending.

As it was, the ending wasn’t that great. In fact, it barely felt a competent conclusion. Instead of explaining anything, some characters discover that their horrors aren’t quite over as previously thought (those horrors not having been explained at all), and boom, the end. I was hoping for some kind of explanation to the situation they encountered, and a much better ending that, you know, actually felt like an ending. It’s a shame they couldn’t manage that, as the movie had a lot of potential beforehand.

Those are pretty big flaws, and definitely brought down my rating more than a little. I still think the concept and execution is decently cool, but without any type of explanation to tie everything together, the audience is left in the dark as to what was really going on. The father-daughter dynamics worked well, and those performances sort of help counterbalance the lack of a solid conclusion, but the movie would have been so much better had they buckled in and forced out a better ending.

Still, the story was interesting, and there were some creepy scenes and occasional gore. For a Syfy original, I’d say this did pretty well, but it’ll likely end up as little more than forgettable when all is said and done.

7/10

Directed by Michael Hawes [Other horror films: N/A]

I hadn’t really heard of this one before watching it, and thus, had no expectations one way or the other going in. I am happy to report that despite the lower budget, this movie is something that’s probably worth watching.

It’s a bit of a slow beginning, but it’s bolstered by the fact that the actors really feel like a family in a stressful situation. Mel Novak did well as the father, and occasionally came off with an Amityville Horror vibe. A.J. Woods and Kaylin Cool did great as the bickering younger brother and older sister. Neither of them had any other roles in anything else, so it’s especially impressive. It was a well put-together cast, so despite the sluggish beginning, I was still glued to the screen.

The story itself was moderately fascinating also. At times, it felt more like one of those 70’s devil worshiper movies, and because the movie lacked much of the lighter tone normally found in 80’s films for a drier, 70’s feel, it felt somewhat authentic, in a disjointed, ‘what’s-going-on’ way.

As far as problems go, my main one is that the police subplot. It didn’t really go anywhere, despite a good twenty-five minutes, if not more, being spent on it. Not only that, but those portions at the police station were actually pretty cool, in a Storm of the Century-type way. Shame, really, that it didn’t play more into the plot.

Still, the downbeat conclusion was fun. I wouldn’t say that this film is amazing, but it felt unique. I wish it had some better death scenes, but I liked what we got. If you want a movie that’s a bit more out there, I’d recommend maybe giving this a look. I can’t guarantee you’ll love it, but I think that most would find it interesting, despite the lower budget at their disposal.

7.5/10

Directed by James Oxford [Other horror films: N/A]

Unfortunately, this television movie is little better now than when I last saw it many years back.

The biggest problem with this movie is that literally within the first two minutes of the film, you can guess what the plot twist is going to be, and you’d be right. Since the plot twist isn’t officially revealed until an hour and three minutes in, you’re stuck with people getting a lot of clues (and I mean a lot) before they finally figure it out themselves, and meanwhile, you’re bored to death. It doesn’t help that this Sci-Fi movie (yep, this was before that hideous name change) had atrocious special effects.

The gore was a little better than the other special effects, but there wasn’t enough of it to really much positively influence the film. As for most of the special effects, oh boy. Very little here actually looked anything close to resembling good. A lot of terrible effects here, which compliments the generic characters we get.

I won’t talk much about the performances here. The only character I thought was enjoyable, Nicholas Irons played. He wasn’t a great actor, but I liked the character. Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa was somewhat fun, but his character was quite bland. Antonio Sabato Jr. was just blah, and leading girl Deanne Russo was terrible.

Ghost Voyage might have some charm if you can take the bad story, bad special effects, and bad ending. Other than that, though, I wouldn’t recommend it. Definitely not one of Sci-Fi’s better efforts.

4/10