Mortuary (2005)

Directed by Tobe Hooper [Other horror films: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974), Eaten Alive (1976), The Dark (1979), Salem’s Lot (1979), The Funhouse (1981), Poltergeist (1982), Lifeforce (1985), Invaders from Mars (1986), The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986), Spontaneous Combustion (1990), I’m Dangerous Tonight (1990), Night Terrors (1993), Body Bags (1993, segment ‘Eye’), The Mangler (1995), The Apartment Complex (1999), Crocodile (2000), Shadow Realm (2002), Toolbox Murders (2004), Djinn (2013)]

I’ve seen Mortuary at least twice before, I believe, though it’s easily been ten years since the last time I set my eyes on it. I remember not being overly fond of the film, and after revisiting it, I can definitely see why that’s the case.

It’s a shame, too, and not just because Tobe Hooper directed this. Of course, Hooper is one of the big names in horror, but truth be told, there’s only a handful of his films that I actually care for (among them Poltergeist and Eaten Alive). More so, though, the first half of this movie, while not exactly good, is perfectly serviceable, and it’s only around 48 minutes in or so when things go terribly off the rails.

Tonally, the film is a bit of a mess. It seems that out of nowhere, they wanted Mortuary to become some type of comedic zombie movie. I mean, I guess that’s what they wanted – it wasn’t exactly clear to me how intentional the comedic aspects were. Still, it took a decent story and completely turned it around, with zombies vomiting and infecting others, and the fact these zombies can still speak cringe

Mortuary really had potential early on, and I was sort of surprised, given my limited memory of this one, that I was digging the film. But when it goes off the rails, it really goes off the rails, and it just ends up a major disappointment.

I didn’t have a big problem with the performances. I do wish that Denise Crosby (Dolly Dearest, Itsy Bitsy, Pet Sematary) had a bit more to add to the story, but otherwise, I thought she was solid. Dan Byrd (The Hills Have Eyes remake, Salem’s Lot) didn’t make for the most interesting character, but Alexandra Adi was fun enough, and Rocky Marquette (Triloquist) was okay. The trio of Bug Hall (The Shadow People, Arachnoquake), Tarah Paige (Otis), and Courtney Peldon (Skin Walker) could have been fine if handled differently, but boy, they weren’t handled well at all.

Past a certain point, I pretty much lost all interest in the story here. I still paid attention, of course, but my engagement was certainly not what it used to be. I can say that I don’t think aspects were tied together that well – Bobby Fawler didn’t seem to be infected, for instance, but still worked with the black mold/infected zombies for some reason, apparently? I don’t know, I thought they had a potentially fine story here at the beginning, but something got screwed up along the way (which I keep repeating, but I can’t possibly stress enough).

Overall, I can’t say that Mortuary was a particularly enjoyable watch. Seeing it again was interesting, but as a whole, the movie definitely has some issues. I’m sure this one has some fans out there, but I can’t say I’m one of them.

5/10