Ghost Shark (2013)

Directed by Griff Furst [Other horror films: I Am Omega (2007), Wolvesbayne (2009), 30 Days to Die (2009), Lake Placid 3 (2010), Maskerade (2011), Swamp Shark (2011), Arachnoquake (2012), Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators (2013), Starve (2014), Cold Moon (2016), Trailer Park Shark (2017), Nightmare Shark (2018)]

Well, I thought, as I set this movie to record on my DVR, that Ghost Shark would be a bad movie, but hopefully an entertaining one. And because I’m what people call a genius (or a conceited dick, depending on your point of view), I was pretty close to the mark.

In plenty of aspects, Ghost Shark is laughably bad. The special effects were awful across the board, few of the characters really felt like they had character, the kills were as atrocious as one could imagine, and the story? Well, ludicrous may be the fairest way to describe it.

However, in the depths of atrocity, I can’t deny that Ghost Shark had some charm. Look, I’ve seen a lot of Syfy movies, and a lot of Syfy killer animal movies (be it sharks, alligators, Bering Sea Beasts, what-have-you) and some of them can get mighty repetitive. The 2-Headed Shark Attack series was awful throughout. So when I see something that feels different, even if it’s not executed well, I’m at least minorly pleased.

A good example of this would be Nightmare Shark, which, while certainly flawed, held a potential that few Syfy shark movies held before, and that’s because it was at least different and new, no matter how poor aspects of the execution were. Ghost Shark is nowhere near that level, but it is a bit fresher than plenty of other Syfy films I could name. It’s not lost on me, on a side-note, that these two films have the same director.

The story is awful – a shark gets killed, but before it dies, it winds up in a cave that resurrects those who died there as spirits. Which means, you guessed it, a Ghost Shark. It’s splendid, sure, and the ghostly shark effects are as awful as you can imagine. Not only that, but when it bites people in half, or splits them open from the inside (more on that soon), or gnaws someone’s fingers off, the special effects are absolutely shit.

Wherein lies the entertainment, you might ask? Well, normal Syfy shark movies, even sharks of the multi-headed or Atomic variety, are restrained by their physical being. They’re a physical thing, and as such, can’t go where sharks can’t usually go, unless they use their multiple heads to walk along the sand (God, 5-Headed Shark Attack was such trash).

Naturally, when a shark is instead a spirit, that frees it up a bit. Now it can pop up anywhere water may be. Ah, but not just salt water, which wouldn’t make sense anyway, but fresh water too. Basically, if it’s a source of water, the shark spirit could appear and consume you.

It’s hard to say what the best scene is. Well, perhaps not – a character grabs a plastic cup and fills it with water from a water dispenser. But before he filled the cup, the shark appeared in the tank and got poured into the cup. When the character drinks it, it doesn’t take long until the shark spirit literally splits him in half, emerging the victorious shark spirit that it is.

That’s probably the best scene, and there’s not much competition. True, the shark does appear in at a pool party, it appears as children are playing at a broken fire hydrant, it appears from the puddles caused by fire extinguishers, it appeared as some kids played on a Slip ‘N Slide, it even appeared in a bathtub (shame the character in question didn’t have a lifeguard nearby amiright?). It’s ridiculous and stupid, especially when it can jump from any puddle, or materialise mid-air when it’s raining, but compared to the repetitive nature of so many other shark films, it’s almost a welcomed alteration.

As aforementioned, none of the characters have much character. It’s true that Richard Moll (House, Headless Horseman, Night Train to Terror, Ragewar) had some strong moments, but the script didn’t do him any favors. Thomas Francis Murphy (Ozark Sharks, Sisters of the Plague, Ragin Cajun Redneck Gators) and Lucky Johnson seemed like pure filler, and neither Brooke Hurring nor Shawn C. Phillips (Haunted High) sticks around long enough to leave an impression.

Dave Davis (Ozark Sharks, The Vigil, American Horror House) didn’t seem to have a personality, which I found interesting, and Jaren Mitchell (End Trip) was a mixed bag. I didn’t think that Mackenzie Rosman (Beneath, Nightcomer) did too bad, and though far from stellar, Sloane Coe (Zombie Shark, SnakeHead Swamp) was at least fun.

Which, as terrible as portions of this film were, is a fair description of the film. It can be fun. Awful, yes, but fun. I still think Ghost Shark is far below average, but I’d definitely recommend it over plenty of other Syfy shark attempts, for whatever that might be worth.

5/10