Things (1989)

Things

Directed by Andrew Jordan [Other horror films: N/A]

I have never in my life seen such an inept mess.

Really, I’m not entirely sure what to say about this one. The story, such as it was, seems incomplete. And in fact, so does the movie as a whole. Amber Lynn (who is best known for various roles in adult movies) literally just reads her dialogue off cue cards as a newscaster, adding literally nothing to the movie. Some of the dialogue is dubbed after the fact, which is painfully obvious. The lighting, the dialogue, the everything, it’s a mess.

The one thing this Canadian flick sort of gets right is the gore. Oh, most of the time, it was the blood of insect things (origins never really explained), but there was a scene of a guy being tortured (that had zero relevance to the plot, I’ll add) that was decent, and a guy lost some fingers. The gore wasn’t necessarily amazing, partially because the camera-work was so shoddy, but it still stood out in what otherwise was an atrocity of a film.

Honestly, though, this movie possesses some charm to it – the gore is, as I said, moderately solid, and while everything else fails (from the post-sync dubbing, to the lighting, acting, story, and any other element you could think to name), sitting back with some friends and watching this movie play out would be a hoot. Watching it alone? It might change you, but not really for the better.

Things is pretty much an inept, illogical mess. Some scenes don’t make any sense, there’s no context to some of the story, and everything seems pretty disjointed (at times, this felt sort of like The Suckling, but most of the time, Things defies comparison), which the post-dubbing doesn’t help with at all. Can Things be enjoyable in the right situation? Sure. But is it a film that I’m clamoring to see again? Oh God, no.

That said, anyone interested should definitely watch this, as a review can’t possibly do this bizarre film justice.

4/10

Author: Jiggy's Horror Corner

Fan of the horror genre, writer of mini-reviews, and lover of slashers.

4 thoughts on “Things (1989)”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s