Category: 2000’s

Directed by Marcus Nispel [Other horror films: Frankenstein (2004), Friday the 13th (2009), Exeter (2015)]

This won’t be a very long review, because quite honestly, I can’t think of much to say.

Throughout the whole of the film, I just felt it very bland. It’s not bad, per se, but nothing really did anything for me. The gore was top-notch, with some solid dismemberments and impaling on meat hooks and the like, but with the glossy style the movie sometimes took, it sort of weakened the impact.

One thing, gore aside, that this movie did really well were the sets. The Hewitt house looked great, with a really creepy exterior and fantastically-done basement, with a whole mess of random horrific stuff crammed down there. The meat packing plant was appropriately creepy also, so kudos there.

As for the actors/actresses involved, none of them were either that great or that bad. They just felt sort of there, going through the motions. I didn’t care for R. Lee Ermey’s character, but he did okay. As Leatherface, Andrew Bryniarski did decent, and looked rather menacing. As for Jessica Biel and company, really, nothing good nor bad stands out. Biel was certainly attractive in some scenes, which is what they were going for, it seems, but other than that, eh.

The movie starts off a bit sluggish, and doesn’t really pick up until about forty minutes in, and when it does, it’s a smooth ride forward, but I just couldn’t shake the idea of how bland I felt the movie was. It has it’s positive factors, but from 2003 alone, I can think of other horror flicks I’d rather watch (such as Dead End or House of 1000 Corpses), so ultimately, I wasn’t much impressed this time around.

6/10

Directed by John Sjogren [Other horror films: N/A]

There’s basically only two reasons, as far as I can tell, to really seek this movie out. One, if you’re a slasher fan, and two, to see if Oscar Lusth can act (the answer is not really).

Oscar who? Well, many years back, I was a fan of the reality show Survivor, and Oscar, or Ozzy, has been a repeat contender, well-known for his strong athletic ability, outstripping almost every peer. In fact, since he first appeared on Survivor back in 2006, I’m surprised this DVD copy I have doesn’t milk the fact that they have Ozzy in the movie.

As it is, while it’s nice seeing a familiar (and unexpected) face, the novelty doesn’t really take long to wear off. That said, his character, Steve, is a decently fun guy. Other actors worth mentioning include the killer Kerry Wallum (not great acting, but a somewhat charming personality) and Joe Estevez (who has had well over two hundred roles). On the flipside, Elizabeth Jauregui had some of the worst delivery I’ve seen in a while. Part of the fault might lie with the script-writer (seriously, she was expected to tell a serial killer that the law says he shouldn’t kill her with a straight face?), but bad script aside, she was pretty weak.

None of the kills in the flick are excellent. Some quick-paced hammer attacks are nice, and an individual gets his arm chopped off in what’s probably my favorite scene, but overall, nothing really comes across as that memorable (including a dismemberment). And that final kill just didn’t look good.

There’s not really much to this movie, when all’s said and done. Some funny lines, some hammy acting, and sure, seeing half naked women is never bad, but the meandering start to the film, along with unspectacular kills, really don’t make this film one that stands out. I saw this first in October 2017, and for all the good a re-watch has done, I’d have been better served watching a plethora of other flicks. Not terrible, but below average.

6/10

Directed by David Arquette [Other horror films: N/A]

As a critique on both the Reagan and, at the time, present Bush administration, The Tripper rather falls flat. As a slasher, with occasional splatter influences, the film fares a bit better, but not amazingly so.

It’s hard to pinpoint exactly what about this movie doesn’t entirely work. Part of it, in my opinion, is the somewhat inconsistent tone. At times, the movie is certainly tongue-in-cheek (though few scenes are outright comedic; this isn’t Broken Lizard’s Club Dread, people), but other times, the Tripper comes across a serious slasher, and hell, even between the characters Samantha and Ivan, there was a pretty sweet scene present.

What this movie somewhat lacks in tone, though, it makes up for in most kills. The first few kills are quick, clean, and efficient (a snapped neck and a decapitation) – these were perhaps my favorites. But some individuals get killed by multiple stabbings, or disembowelment, so there’s fun to be had all around. The final kill in the movie didn’t do much for it, as the special effects looked a bit worse for the wear. That could be said for more than a few kills, though, as it wasn’t uncommon for the blood to look more than a little brighter red than it should. Still, the kills overall were strong.

In the political realm, I certainly would have preferred more discussion of the character’s feelings on then-current president George W. Bush, as you would think a movie that hits you over the head with the idea that “Republicans are bad” would have a little more substance, but aside from some weak criticism of Bush and just stating some facts about Reagan’s actions while president (cutting off federal funds to mental institutions), we get little to really chew over. Perhaps that’s not the point, but when one is making a political satire, of sorts, I feel like no punches should be pulled. This movie could have had something to say, but didn’t attempt it.

None of the characters aside from Samantha (Jaime King) and the killer really stood out. The design of the killer was pretty cool – loved his straight-laced appearance and suit (even though the mask was ehh). Really, while the movie might be okay for a single watch, having watched it twice now, I don’t think there’s much to go back to it for. Not a particularly memorable movie. I’d never watch this one if I had the chance to re-watch Uncle Sam.

6.5/10

Directed by Bryan Bertino [Other horror films: Mockingbird (2014), The Monster (2016), The Dark and the Wicked (2020)]

Let me get this off my chest first: this movie is not “based on true events.” It’s inspired by an utterly unrelated crime. When a movie tries to pass itself off as real to increase the suspense, or whatever the hell they think they think is does, it just pisses me off. It didn’t work with The Blair Witch Project, and it sure as hell doesn’t work here. It adds nothing to the movie, and in fact, takes away from what otherwise is an okay (though below average) flick.

Home invasion flicks have never been a favorite of mine. I love slashers, but most home invasion flicks do nothing for me (save some exceptions, such as 2016’s Hush), mainly because they’re often so repetitive. Which isn’t to say there aren’t some quite suspenseful scenes and creepy imagery in the movie – there are. But when that’s all your movie has to boast about, it doesn’t amount to much.

Liv Tyler did a good job as the main female victim, and the masked guy had a cool mask. Also, one of the songs in the movie, “Mama Tried” by Merle Haggard, was pretty catchy. Still have that chorus stuck in my head. And as aforementioned, there were some creepy scenes now and again.

But what I always took as the “wham” line, their explanation as to why they’re causing such pain to this couple, doesn’t really do it for me. I don’t have a big problem with it – it just falls flat. It falls flatter still because even after that, we don’t see their unmasked faces, which doesn’t make much since, story-wise. Again, it adds nothing.

The Strangers isn’t necessarily a bad movie, but really, when there are literally hundreds of better movies from 2005 – 2010 alone, there’s not much point in seeking this one out. Just a below average flick with little going for it.

5.5/10

Directed by Cartney Wearn [Other horror films: N/A]

This movie feels a bit longer than it actually is. While clocking in at a normal 90 minutes, Pray for Morning suffers from various problems that seem to drag the movie out.

In it, a group of friends breaks into an old hotel, which has been uninhabited for at least thirty years, and is the scene of brutal deaths that took place years past. Not a bad plot, but not overly creative either. Truth be told, I can’t even describe all the problems this movie has, but believe me, they’re there.

Firstly, it takes a little while for each of the eight main characters to get fleshed out, meaning that before that happens, we’re left with pretty much interchangeable characters. Even toward the ending, though, none of the remaining characters stood out. The constant teleportation got a bit annoying (especially when one of the characters keeps insisting they’re just lost – as if popping up in a room on a floor you weren’t on seconds ago isn’t an indicator of a bigger problem than being lost), but that’s marginalized a bit by the fact that the malevolent spirit they’re facing was a magician in his previous life.

Elements of the movie fall flat, and this is most clearly seen in the final twenty or so minutes, in which a plot twist arises, followed by an explanation of something that doesn’t make much sense. Not to say that answers weren’t provided, but I felt as though I was missing something.

Just to note, the movie isn’t a terrible one – there are some decent scenes, even some more experimental scenes, that stand out, despite the low budget (through most of the film, a bright light represents the spirit of the magician). That said, just like most of the characters in the film, Pray for Morning just comes across as bland. A mostly forgettable experience, all-in-all. Robert F. Lyons and Udo Kier do well in their respective roles, at least.

5/10

Directed by Eli Roth [Other horror films: Hostel (2005), Hostel: Part II (2007), The Green Inferno (2013), Knock Knock (2015), Thanksgiving (2023)]

I’m not entirely sure what it is, but I’ve never much cared for this film. Perhaps it’s the stupid comedy that pops up every now and again. Perhaps it’s due the the last thirty minutes, none of which I care for (from the authorities to the store-owners, to the karate kid, etc.). Something’s just off with this movie, as far as I’m concerned.

Some of the scenes are decent, but most of the characters are atrocious, including the aforementioned authorities and particularly the party-loving cop (which was another element I thought was more than a bit idiotic). Few of the actions in the second half of the movie are logical, and it grew increasingly hard to care for characters who were so stupid. This movie just rubs me the wrong way.

Part of it might be the fact that the idea in itself is pretty cool – seeing a bunch of people slowly realize that there’s a disease in the area that’s highly contagious and they die slowly to it could be a really well-done psychological and serious horror film. But that’s not the direction that they took.

Instead they threw in humor that, for the most part, didn’t work (the ending scene with the black individuals being a case in point) and far from taking a serious, psychological look at how each character is affected by the knowledge of their mortality, we get subplots that make little sense and authorities who, for some unexplained reason, don’t mind if a disease spreads throughout their community. Eli Roth had a hit with Hostel, but it’s a shame his earlier hit misses the mark. Points for Karen (Jordan Ladd) being so cute, at least before her flesh got eaten off.

4/10

Directed by Craig Ross Jr. [Other horror films: Dead South (2016), Bunker of Blood 07: Killjoys Carnage Caravan (2019)]

If you’ve seen this flick, you know what a mess it is. But if you’ve watched it with friends, you also know what a hoot it can be.

I first saw this film for one of the October Challenges, watching it with a friend. Though the movie was atrocious in so many ways (acting, production value, audio quality), it was a fun time. Upon rewatching it, it still has that fun vibe, but it’s deeply muted.

I won’t waste time discussing the acting – in almost every way, the actors manage to fail, which admittedly is a bit of a feat. The story itself, while somewhat interesting, gets muddled down due to over melodramatic moments and a slow beginning. When things do pick up, it doesn’t much help, as Killjoy isn’t that fun a character. Basically, I just kept getting the mentally-challenged Pennywise-vibe from him. That said, an ice cream truck that can teleport you various places is sort of fun.

As for the audio quality, it’s not uncommon throughout the film that you’re unable to make out what someone’s saying. I don’t think it’s the fault of the DVD I own – I think it’s the best print they had to work with. The kills aren’t all that imaginative, and when they are, they include hideous early 2000’s computer effects. Can Killjoy be a fun movie in small doses when viewed among friends? Indeed. But it doesn’t really hold up with a second viewing, and overall, you can’t help but tell how poor of a movie it really is.

4/10