Category: 1980’s

Directed by Don Swan [Other horror films: N/A]

This is one of those films that I have a hard time hating. Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell isn’t a good movie, but the first half can be pretty amusing, and though the second half is a bit of a struggle, it’s still sort of fun in that ultra low-budget type of way.

At least the plot is unique – a man, Goza, is cursed by the Holy Order of the Righteous Brotherhood to live forever, feasting on the flesh of people to sustain himself. And so he does – he owns a seafood restaurant, and engages in killing people and practices cannibalism.

The first half of the film just sort of follows a few of the people who enter the establishment. A woman gets killed, and her boyfriend finds her ring in a hamburger. A health inspector gets killed after warning Goza he’d have to shut him down. A police officer finds hair in his beer and soup, and upon investigation, finds dismembered body parts, leading to the greatest scene in the film, in which his head is punched clean off his body.

It’s in the second half of this short film (it runs around 70 total minutes) that things become a little less interesting, though arguably more consistent. Members of the aforementioned Holy Order of the Righteous Brotherhood regret that they made Goza into what he is, and want to destroy the flesh-eating abomination that they created. With the High Priestess and loyal members, they fight back against the evil of Goza.

To be fair, it’s not a bad way for the story to go, but it felt far more fantasy to me than I personally care for, albeit in a very low budget form. Seeing people killed and chopped up into food is more interesting to me than seeing some Brotherhood strike back against Goza, but that’s because I come to a movie like this for the violence. It’s perhaps partially inspired by Blood Feast, and sometimes feels similar to Blood Diner (though this is a better movie, and I would die on that hill), but whatever went into creating this, boy, what a movie.

Theo Depuay, who played Goza, didn’t really have the suave personality you’d expect from a 600 year old cannibal. People didn’t seem to mind him too much (aside from this guy coming in for a short order cook job – this asshole played by Arnold William may have made one of the funniest scenes in the film), but boy, his personality needs work. There’s also Michael O’Neill, who does most of the killing, and has a solid, hulking menace vibe to him.

If you’re familiar with the VHS cover of this movie, you’ll see why this movie might stand out. Personally, I’ve always found it one of the most memorable covers for a horror film, and way back when I first heard about this movie and saw the cover, I knew I wanted to see it.

As such, it didn’t really impress me when I did finally see it, and I can firmly say it’s not a good movie after seeing it a second time, but that doesn’t mean Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell can’t be an amusing film at times.

5.5/10

Directed by Jeff Hathcock [Other horror films: Victims! (1985), Night Ripper! (1986), Fertilize the Blaspheming Bombshell (1992)]

Another of the many SOV horror films churned out in the 1980’s, Streets of Death may be among the most palatable of them. It’s not a half-bad story, and while I still think it’s a little below average, it’s a movie worth seeing if you’re into shot-on-video horror.

The plot is like a mix of Stripped to Kill and The Last House on Dead End Street, with prostitutes being killed by a serial killer for snuff movies, and so there’s a cop who goes undercover as a sex worker in hopes of drawing the killer out. So the plot’s not the most original material, but throw in some fun performances, and I think the film goes down somewhat easily.

For a low budget picture, I didn’t mind most of the performances. Both Guy Ecker and Larry Thomas (Terror on Tour, Night Ripper!, Doctor Spine, and Untitled Horror Comedy) worked great with their somewhat manic, somewhat suave, personalities. I didn’t love portions of Susanne Smith’s story, and how she fell for Lawrence Scott’s (Night Ripper!) character, but she was good. Simon de Soto (Night Ripper!) had some strong moments, and I especially liked his scenes with Tommy Kirk (The Ghost in the Invisible Bikini, ‘It’s Alive!’, and Blood of Ghastly Horror), who had a surprisingly decent character arc.

I was sort of hoping the gore would be better here. We got a few good scenes – a woman was killed by a drill, a few people got stabbed with a knife, and someone got their throat slit – but for the most part, these were all pretty tame. There was someone who had their body dismembered – we do see a dismembered hand for a little – but that’s entirely off screen. The concept is playful, though.

Some of the film was decently amusing, such as a portion when the killer is dumping a body, but has to kill not just one, but two people who happen upon the scene, and another has a prostitute saying one of the more classy lines I’ve heard in a while: “Let’s discuss it over a cocktail. Your cock, and my tail.” I laughed at that.

There is a small area of the film that bothered me. It was partially amusing, to be sure, but it still felt problematic. While going undercover as a prostitute, the officer makes some arrests on those who proposition her (which seems to me like entrapment, but I may be wrong). Now, it’s funny to see an older, naked man (still wearing a hat) being chased down by some cops, but I don’t have a problem with prostitution, and arresting people who are interested in some intimacy just rubs me the wrong way. Legalize prostitution, please, and give sex workers a safer environment, and I’d be a happier guy.

Overall, though, Streets of Death is a much better film than I honestly thought it would be. It was directed by Jeff Hathcock, who directed some other SOV films (though I’ve only seen one, Night Ripper!, which was decent), and I think this was quite good for a SOV entry. It’s not a movie I’d watch often, but I do think it deserves some respect.

6.5/10

Directed by Bill Rebane [Other horror films: Monster a Go-Go (1965), Invasion from Inner Earth (1974), The Giant Spider Invasion (1975), The Alpha Incident (1978), The Capture of Bigfoot (1979), Rana: The Legend of Shadow Lake (1980), The Game (1984), Blood Harvest (1987)]

I’ve always had a soft spot for this rather low budget film. It’s a bit choppy at times, to be sure, but The Demons of Ludlow can be a decent amount of fun, and I rather like the story.

Taking place in a small town (and to specify, by small, I mean the population is a mere 47 people), the story revolves around a bicentennial celebration, town secrets long-thought forgotten, and a demon-possessed piano. It sounds wild, and it certainly can be once the action starts up.

And the action is fun, also. A couple who are enjoying each other’s company in a barn run amok of glowing green hands, and the same hands tear a hole through a woman’s ceiling later on and hang her. There are ghosts dressed as pilgrims that come around toward the end, and they wonderfully decapitate someone with a sword, and for another poor hombre, they cut both of his hands off.

Certainly the movie is a lower-budget production. If you’re familiar with director Bill Rebane (who, among other things, was behind The Cold, or The Game, The Giant Spider Invasion, and Blood Harvest), this may not come as a surprise. Related, the movie was filmed entirely in Wisconsin in the small, unincorporated community of Gleason. This northern Wisconsin community is also where films such as The Devonsville Terror, The Giant Spider Invasion, and Blood Harvest were made, and for good reason.

I love the small town feel of the movie. Only having a population of 47 people is just amazing, and I dig the vibe of the setting. In fact, it leads to a somewhat amusing line toward the end – the lead character (Stephanie Cushna) says to her work acquaintance (James R. Robinson) that it seems dead outside; that the town feels like a ghost town. I can’t imagine the night life of a community of only 47 souls ever seems overly excited, so every time I hear this line, it cracks me up. Also, being a northern Wisconsin community, there’s so much snow around town. It looks a dreadfully cold place to live.

And I have seen this movie more than a couple of times. This might only be my third viewing of the film, but given the generally negative reception the film has (when it has reaction at all – I tend to feel most people forget this movie exists), this goes a long way to show my differences of opinion with others. It reminds me of Drive-In Massacre, a film I rather adore, but is also somewhat of a terrible movie. I guess I’m odd that way.

As for the performances, I thought that Stephanie Cushna and Paul Bentzen (Invasion from Inner Earth and The Alpha Incident) were pretty good, especially once they got together near the end to work on figuring out the curse that Ludlow has fallen under. I also think that James R. Robinson should have a bit more to do with the finale, but he does good with what he has. Playing the mayor is C. Dave Davis, who does great with the small-town mayor aura, and playing a young woman with some mental health issues, I thought that Patricia J. Statz did fantastic. One a tragic note, this is the sole film Statz was in, and she later was killed on September 11th, 2001, as she was working at the Pentagon when the attack occurred.

Obviously, I probably enjoy The Demons of Ludlow a great deal more than is usual. I don’t know why this happens to be the case – even since I first saw it, I’ve always felt an odd affinity to it. It’s not a great movie – the finale is oddly rushed, and I’d have liked a bit more detail about exactly how things went wrong in Ludlow 200 years previous (the basis of the town’s curse), but even with those deficiencies, I’ve always enjoyed the vibe of this one.

It may just be me, and that’s fine, but I rather love The Demons of Ludlow, and I don’t think that will change anytime soon. I’ve seen it three times now, and still consistently have found it above average, and if it’s strange that I enjoy this far more then classic like Carrie and The Shining, so be it.

8/10

Directed by Frank De Felitta [Other horror films: Trapped (1973)]

Easily among one of the finest made-for-television horror movies I’ve seen, Dark Night of the Scarecrow has a strong reputation, and for good reason, as it’s a fantastically-made and suspenseful film.

Not only that, but it’s rather emotional, in a tragic way. In fact, the first 25 minutes of the film have to be among the most emotional sequences in a movie, as a mentally-challenged man is killed by four vigilantes, but these good ole’ boys lie about the circumstances, and in an affront to justice, are released from police custody.

Luckily, the movie becomes far more wholesome from there, as they start being killed off in mysterious circumstances, possibly by a charming scarecrow chap.

The casting of this movie is great. Playing the four murderers are Charles Durning (Sisters and When a Stranger Calls), Robert F. Lyons (The Strange Possession of Mrs. Oliver), Lane Smith (Prison), and Claude Earl Jones (Bride of Re-Animator), and all four do a great job. I don’t think Lane Smith gets a whole lot of time to make an impression, but he does well with what time he has, and the other three, especially both Jones and Durning, were a lot of fun.

Larry Drake (Dr. Giggles) did an amazing job playing Bubba, the mentally-handicapped man killed at the beginning. He was a likable character, and it was just depressing to see him killed how he was, especially since he was innocent of any wrong-doing whatsoever. Playing his mother was Jocelyn Brando, who did a fantastic job with an emotional role. Tonya Crowe, who played a friend of Bubba’s, did really well also, which is something I don’t generally say when it comes to younger performances.

Being a television movie, there’s nothing in the way of gore, but the suspense makes it so that such doesn’t matter. The way some of these individuals die is gruesome enough even without seeing the aftermath – one guy falls into woodchipper, another drowns in grain in a silo (worst hiding place ever, on a side-note), and another almost gets ran down by a plowing machine, only to run into the business end of a pitchfork.

Oh, as for the scarecrow? This is the first scarecrow-centric horror film, but the scarecrow barely appears at all, save for the final minute or so. Personally, I’ve never minded this, as it gives a sort of psychological feeling to the movie – are the men really being killed by a scarecrow, or is it related to a manifestation of the guilt they feel? – though I, of course, love the final scene. Another favorite scarecrow film of mine, Scarecrows, certainly makes up for the perceived lack of straw bois in this one, should that be a concern.

Dark Night of the Scarecrow is a classic, and I think that most in the horror community know that. I know that in the past, I’ve thought the movie was a bit sluggish, but seeing it again, I was enjoying every moment, so if you want an idea of made-for-TV horror done right, then this is a movie I highly recommend you view.

8/10

Directed by Don Jones [Other horror films: Schoolgirls in Chains (1973), The Love Butcher (1975), Molly and the Ghost (1991)]

While in some aspects The Forest is an interesting ride, I personally found a lot of the movie somewhat tedious, and though I know it has it’s fans, I can’t say I’m one of them.

The story here was somewhat atypical in it’s approach – we have four characters (two married couples) and they go camping in a forest, but they go separately, with the women going first, and the men planning to meet up with them later. Well, I know what I was expecting, but I’ll just say things don’t necessarily go as planned.

What threw me off more than anything is the addition of ghost children. There’s also a ghost woman, but she only gets three scenes or so, whereas the ghost children actively take part in the story, helping people escape the crazed knife of their cannibalistic father. I would have been okay with the kids had they been some sort mental breakdown the father was having, and only he could see them, but like I said, these ghost kids actively help characters out, and it’s just so damn stupid.

The slasher aspect of the film isn’t near as good as even the opening might lead you to believe. There is an okay scene toward the finale, but most of the movie is rather tedious, and aside from the beautiful setting (this was filmed, in fact, in Sequoia National Park), it’s not an easy movie to recommend.

I thought Dean Russell was decent. At least he had that moustached, macho man look I appreciate from the 1980’s. John Batis’ character was a sexist piece of shit (in fact, he was a “proud chauvinist”), so I couldn’t care for him. Neither Tomi Barrett nor Ann Wilkinson did much for me, and as the killer, I just couldn’t get into Gary Kent (of classics such as Satan’s Sadists and Sinthia: The Devil’s Doll).

Worth mentioning, though, are two okay songs that pop up, one titled ‘The Dark Side of the Forest,’ sung by David Somerville, and during the credits, we got ‘The Edge of Forever,’ by Carol Browning. If you’re one who has only a limited interest, give “The Dark Side of the Forest” a listen, as it’s probably one of the better things about the film.

Certainly the movie isn’t without value, but The Forest often felt way too tedious to really enjoy, and while I personally wouldn’t call it awful, I would call it quite subpar, even as a fan of 80’s slashers.

5.5/10

Directed by Robert Hughes [Other horror films: Hunter’s Blood (1986), Memorial Valley Massacre (1989)]

There aren’t many movies out there like Hunter’s Blood, which is a shame, because I’ve seen it twice now, and it’s a pretty damn fun movie.

Many compare it to Deliverance, which is likely a fair comparison. I’ve only seen Deliverance once (and I probably wasn’t older than 11), so I can’t say, but I can say it’s not too dissimilar from films like Whiskey Mountain or Rituals, the difference being Hunter’s Blood is a bit more action-packed as opposed to suspenseful. To be sure, there’s suspense here, but it’s not often the focus.

In the film, five city folk go hunting deep in the woods of Arkansas, and run into some poachers, who aren’t keen on outside folk poking around their business. There’s a bit of build-up before things really get going – before any violence rears it’s head, there’s some conflicts of culture (one of the city folk, a guy named Marty, has apparently never been to the south before, and can’t resist doing and saying stupid things), but once things blast off, they blast off hard.

This is a pretty violent film once the violence starts up. Among the most disturbing scenes is the body of a man who’s been half skinned, and people also stumble upon a decapitated head (not unlike the scene in Rituals). There’s a shotgun blast that blows someone’s head off – even I was surprised by how violent the aftermath of that was. Someone gets a knife right through the jaw, which was a fun scene. It’s an action-packed film, and has the violence to attest to that.

It’s also a beautiful setting. I’m not much of an outdoorsy type – I’ve never been fishing, let alone hunting, and I don’t believe I’ve ever been camping in my life. If I were to, though, I would hope it’s be as pleasant-looking as the location in the film. IMDb states, without detail, that the movie was filmed in California – whether that’s true or not, I don’t know, but wherever this was filmed, it really does look quite nice.

Sam Bottoms isn’t a name I really know, though he was also in Up from the Depths. He’s a great lead, and though I wasn’t fond of his wife, played by Kim Delaney (Project: Metalbeast), she did decent during the finale. Joey Travolta (brother of John Travolta) played such an annoying character, but he eventually grew on me. Mayf Nutter and Ken Swofford were both good, especially Swofford, but it’s really Clu Gulager (A Nightmare on Elm Street Part II: Freddy’s Revenge) who pulled everything together wonderfully, and though he’s incapacitated during the latter half of the movie, his character was one of my favorites.

Among the many antagonists, there’s plenty of good performances, but I think the leader, played by Lee de Broux, was easily the most threatening. He had a great aura about him, and he definitely seemed like a tough customer. Others that may be recognizable include Charles Cyphers (Halloween), Mickey Jones (Penny Dreadful), Bruce Glover (Night of the Scarecrow), and Billy Bob Thorton (in his first acting role).

Hunter’s Blood might not seem like a good movie, and it’s definitely atypical compared to other horror films from the 1980’s, but it’s a rewarding experience, and I’d recommend it to anyone who wants a nice slice of culture conflicts.

8/10

Directed by David A. Prior [Other horror films: Killer Workout (1987), Night Wars (1988), The Lost Platoon (1990), Night Trap (1993), Mutant Species (1995), Zombie Wars (2007), Night Claws (2012)]

I’m a simple man, and I didn’t have too many expectations going into Sledgehammer. I knew it’d be cheap – I’m no stranger to SOV horror – and as long as it had a guy killing people with a sledgehammer, I’d be happy.

Well, I’m not sure if I am happy, but there certainly was a man killing people with a sledgehammer. It was often in excruciatingly slow motion, but so was a good third of the film, so maybe that’s not a problem. Okay, it is a problem – I’ve never seen this much slow motion in one movie, and I sort of wonder if they had used the technique more sparingly, whether the movie be more around the 50-minute range as opposed to 85 minutes.

Of course, Sledgehammer is a bit of a classic, at least as far as shot-on-video horror goes, as it’s among the first ones made. And you can tell it’s rough – one of the stars, Ted Prior, is the brother of director David A. Prior (responsible for later films such as The Lost Platoon, Killer Workout, and Night Trap), and if IMDb trivia is to be believed, most of this movie was filmed in his apartment. If you’re watching this film, you probably went in knowing a lot of this, so it shouldn’t come off as too much a shock.

As such, a lot of the movie is tedious in ways that some SOV films tend to be. Luckily it’s nowhere near as bad as Blood Cult or Heavy Metal Massacre, but boy, all of those slow-motion portions are painful, and there’s so damn many. The kills aren’t terrible – ironically, one of the best ones might be a knife going through someone’s throat – but save for the opening scene (which, if you missed, is played again later during a retelling of the horrors of the house), there’s not really any great sledgehammer action. There is a terribly unappealing food fight, though.

If you’re familiar with SOV horror, you’ll probably know that performances aren’t often the highlight, and that holds true for this movie also. If I had to give a shoutout, it’d be to John Eastman, who at least looked different (that mustache was the bomb). Ted Prior didn’t really seem to have that much character, and while I wanted to root for Linda McGill (who was also in a film called Shape-Up for Sensational Sex, which sounds classy), it wasn’t an easy task.

Most people who come into Sledgehammer know full well what the movie is. It’s sort of fun at times – I actually rather like the heavy synth score that permeates the film – and it has that 80’s SOV nostalgic value, but it’s not a film I could see myself watching again anytime soon, and I’d really only recommend it to the horror fans who have likely already seen it.

5/10

Directed by Joel Schumacher [Other horror films: Flatliners (1990), Town Creek (2009)]

I’ve seen The Lost Boys twice now, and while it’s a moderately entertaining film, it’s never felt special to me. So many in the horror community love it, but when it comes to 80’s vampires, Fright Night is always my go-to.

The Lost Boys is still decent, and I’d probably rate it around average, but it’s not anymore than that for me. There’s only a few characters I really cared for, and some of the comedy just wasn’t my type of thing. I did dig most of the finale, along with the twist they threw in, but other story elements didn’t interest me that much (I can’t tell you how much I didn’t care about Star and her claiming she ‘warned’ Michael before he drank the blood, which is bullshit, as you can’t say something so ludicrous and just expect them to take your word for it, and count that as a warning).

Related, toward the end of the film, Sam and the Frog Brothers ride out to where Sam’s mother works, and Sam attempts to warn his mother about the vampires. It amazes me that neither of the Frog Brothers, nor Sam himself, would realize that he would be utterly unable to make a convincing argument about that, and it’s scenes where people try to convince others of something without good evidence that just drive me crazy. Sam was a decently smart kid, but he thought that would work? Give me a fucking break.

I liked the scenery and locations, especially the boardwalk (actually, more specifically, the comic book store – most of what I saw there seemed to be DC Comics, but I did see an issue of ROM, so that’s promising). It looked way too crowded and busy for me to ever actually want to go to a place like that, but it was definitely classic California imagery.

Despite not caring for many of the characters, most of the performances were decent. Corey Haim (Silver Bullet) and Jason Patric were good as brothers, Dianne Wiest was good as a concerned mother, and Kiefer Sutherland was great as the vampire David. Barnard Hughes got a pretty funny line in at the end, Alex Winter (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure) was nice to see, and though I couldn’t stand her character whatsoever, Jami Gertz did fine.

Like I said, I do think the film’s decently entertaining, but with the two times I’ve seen it, I never thought The Lost Boys was great. I’d compare it to my views on The Shining, but I rather dislike The Shining, whereas I generally find this movie perfectly fine. It’s just one of my many quirks. The Lost Boys works for many people, but I think it’s just around average.

7/10