Directed by Shaun Robertson [Other horror films: N/A]
Some movies are almost beyond explanation, and Tempus Adolpa is one of those types of films.
The story is pretty simple – a gay couple is attacked by a gang of werewolves, and one of them survives to become a time-traveling werewolf out to avenge the death of his lover. Well, I don’t know how simple it is, but while it’s definitely a campy comedy/horror mix, it can be an enjoyable experience. The time-travel aspect does lead to some okay ideas also, though nothing that I think would surprise many.
I’ve got to talk about the presentation, though. Look, I’ve said before that I don’t know anything when it comes to behind-the-scenes editing, or anything about how people actually make movies. According to the video description on YouTube, this is “The last film to be filmed with a hi-8 camcorder!” I don’t know what a hi-8 camcorder is, or how hard it would be to make a movie on it, but what I can say is that it seems pretty much every scene was recorded in front of a green screen.
By that, I mean that all the actors have sort of a fuzzy, shimmering lines around them, and it’s obvious the background images are static, and not actual locations the scenes are being filmed at. It’s extraordinarily amataur, as you can imagine, and I’ve never seen anything like it, but I can’t deny there’s both charm and gall in making a movie like that.
There’s no way I can describe this movie and do it justice. As one of the characters uses a watch to go back in time, a black-and-white portal (that looks like it was found on Google Images) pops up, and he goes through it. Well, by ‘goes through it,’ I mean he walks toward it and disappears instantly, cause that’s how portals do.
You have to see this for yourself, because again, I don’t have the right vocabulary to describe this experience. I can say that the werewolf transformations are absolutely abysmal, and I loved them. I can also say that one of the scenes in the movie – a dream a character is having about a werewolf singing ‘Beauty School Dropout’ from Grease – is just beautiful. But talking about these scenes and seeing them are two different things.
The performances are all awful, but it’s a campy comedic movie about a gay, time-traveling werewolf that takes place in the United Kingdom, so I largely cut them a lot of slack. Jack Gardner did just fine as the main character, and his camp gay personality is amusing. Lee James Rosher actually has an emotional scene toward the end, so while he wasn’t in the movie much overall, he definitely stood out. Jasmine Atkins-Smart and Tom Cruz could have done with more personality, but at least Atkins-Smart was occasionally fun.
Some of the music here was decent. True, I could have done without that version of ‘Beauty School Dropout,’ but the song that starts during the finale and plays through the credits, ‘Just Go’ by Nick Celino, was actually quite nice. ‘No Regret’ by Tony Gardner was rough (reminding me of low-budget classic Linkin Park), but I actually thought it showed a lot of potential. You have a band called 3 Daze Lost who perform a song ‘Win Win Situation’ as a gang of werewolves are slaughtering people on the dance-floor, so that was fun also.
The special effects here are, well, not great. But like I said, what this movie lacks in budget, quality, and common courtesy, it makes up for in heart and gall. It’s a terrible movie, and I’ve suspected that ever since I first heard about this one, but it’s truly an experience that I won’t forget. And again, I really do find the ending rather sad.
Tempus Adolpha isn’t a movie that many people would care for. On IMDb, this has under 5 votes, and it’s been available on YouTube in full for years, so I have that idea on good authority. However, as atrocious as it can be, it’s a 63-minute movie that I did have fun watching, so I can dig it.
7/10
Jiggy's Horror Corner 