Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove (2005)

Directed by Gary Jones [Other horror films: Mosquito (1994), Spiders (2000), Crocodile 2: Death Swamp (2002), Ghouls (2008), Boogeyman 3 (2008), Lightning Strikes (2009), Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan (2013)]

This film has always been a low-key guilty pleasure. I don’t think it’s a good movie, and it’s definitely not as fun rewatching as I’d hope it would be, but I’ve always had an okay time with it, and that has to count for something.

Many of the films I see coming from The Asylum are abysmal, but they sometimes get something close to right. The idea here – a pirate coming back from the dead to get revenge on the descendants of those who betrayed him – is at least worthwhile. It’s similar to The Fog, though with nowhere near the same level of class, charm, or atmosphere.

Actually, a better comparison might be Leprechaun, because like Leprechaun’s titular character, Jolly Roger is after not only revenge, and the heads of those who betrayed him, but the gold that was stolen from him. He also gets some one-liners every now and again, such as “Swab the decks in hell” and other pirate-themed humor like that.

Speaking of which, that joke that everyone knows about pirate-themed movies being rated arrgh – it’s in the opening scene of the movie, so check one for bad jokes brahs.

It’s not a terribly funny movie, though. There are some amusing sequences – such as Jolly Roger’s escapades in a strip joint (once informed they don’t have a license to sell liquor, he exclaims “I”ve never heard such an atrocity” and demanded to speak to the governor of the colony) and the mayor (played by Pamela Munro) attacking him – but overall, it can seem a bit dry, despite taking place in the coastal community of Cutter’s Cove.

I can’t say many of the performances were great. The two leads, Tom Nagel (The Beast of Bray Road, Hillside Cannibals, and The Butcher) and Kristina Korn, were okay, but neither one stellar. Thomas Downey (Frankenstein Reborn, Dracula’s Curse, Axe Giant: The Wrath of Paul Bunyan, and Sorority Party Massacre) was pretty generic, but Kim Little (Killers, Killers 2: The Beast, and Scarecrow Slayer) was decent. Jolly Roger was played by Rhett Giles (Way of the Vampire, Wraiths of Roanoke, The Fear Chamber, and Frankenstein Reborn), and he did pretty well. Also, while not a big role, I wanted to say I did like Megan Lee Ethridge (Alien Abduction) during the opening.

Most of the kills here are pretty terrible, as are the special effects, but at the very least, there was a guy who had his arm ripped off, and he was beaten to death with it, which has to count for something, I imagine. Overall, most of the kills are decapitations, one with a musket, and not many of them look that great.

Really, with a title like Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter’s Cove, the movie should have been a lot more fun. As it is, I’ve seen it a handful of times before, perhaps as many as three, and I’ve always enjoyed it for what it is. It’s not a movie I’d call good, but I do think, at least for me, it settles somewhere around average.

7/10