Category: 2000’s

Directed by Philip Gunn [Other horror films: N/A] & David Carlos Valdez [Other horror films: N/A]

When I first saw this comedy/horror film, I remember enjoying it. I don’t know if I was high or not, but while it can be an amusing movie, it doesn’t hold up at all seeing it again, and just feels far too goofy for me to really get into.

Of course, a comedy horror movie taking place at a clown camp is ripe for goofiness, so I don’t hold that against them, but it’s just not my thing. From having someone survive an injury that one couldn’t possibly survive to having a nerdy clown (complete with glasses and a high-pitched voice) to having a drill sergeant clown instructing on how to best throw a pie to a monkey that speaks Chinese and knows kung-fu, there’s just too much in here that I can’t deal with. Oh, and there’s also a clown who’s a Juggalo – he even raps for a bit.

I’ll give it that the kills are generally decent. There’s a violent scalping, complete with brain matter (which pops up throughout the film, such as a scene in which someone’s head gets stomped on), there’s a pie in the face, and more importantly, a knife shoved through the pie afterwards. We have a guy falling into a hay baler, along with someone eating a pie that had a bomb in it (reminding me a bit of a kill from Funny Man). Perhaps my favorite was seltzer that’s been replaced with acid, so when it was sprayed in someone’s face, they did not have a good time.

Also, the ending contains a somewhat ballsy twist. The execution could have used some work, but I think the idea isn’t too shabby. It’s not enough to make up for everything I didn’t care for beforehand, but at least it keeps things moderately interesting.

As far as the performances go, most of the central cast were fine for the characters they were playing. Isaac Kappy (who committed suicide in 2019) did decent, though his character was one of the more annoying ones. Ross Kelly (Army of the Dead) was a bit generic, but he had his moments. Kerri Daube was one of the more interesting characters, but I didn’t care for the route she took, and Chris Payne, while I liked his character the most, didn’t really add much. Oh, and Lloyd Kaufman popped up near the end, and he’s always a pleasure to see.

When it comes down to it, Klown Kamp Massacre is an okay movie for what it is (it was distributed by Troma, so that should give you an idea), but it’s way too silly for me, and though I was okay with it the first time I saw it, I really can’t say it’s my type of thing at all with this viewing.

5/10

Directed by Toby Wilkins [Other horror films: The Grudge 3 (2009)]

I don’t think Splinter’s necessarily a great movie, but I do think it’s tightly paced and possesses some solid special effects.

I love how simple the film keeps things – there’s four characters, very quickly brought down to three, stuck in a gas station with some spiky fungus making their lives unpleasant, and they have to find a way to survive. And that’s pretty much it. Sure, we get a little time to meet the characters, but once they get to that gas station shortly into the film, it’s that gas station which they’ll stay at. The use of a smaller setting never feels limited, though, and the story works great.

Personally, I love one of the characters, as I did the first time I saw this. Seth (Paulo Costanzo) doesn’t seem like much at the start of the film – he’s somewhat weak, and has a sort of geeky persona. He’s smart, though – he’s going for a PhD in biology, and it’s him who figures out what the mysterious organism is, and also a theoretical way to defeat it. It’s fun seeing him turning into a force to be reckoned with, and I quite like his character.

Of course, all three of the central performances were great. Paulo Costanzo was fun, but Shea Whigham had that attitude to him, and especially in the final thirty minutes, his character is fleshed out nicely. And as is commented a couple of times throughout the film, Jill Wagner was a firecracker, and despite their different personalities, she went well with Costanzo.

The creature here isn’t really seen too clearly too often, primarily because it’s an organism that uses living creatures as it’s host (be it a dog, person, what-have-you), and it has rather jerky movements. It definitely looks creepy, though, with splinterly spikes growing from it, and if it happens to jab you, even if you survive, woe betide you brahs.

One character found that out, to his displeasure. He got a small splinter in a finger, and four hours later, his arm had to be amputated with a boxcutter and a cinder block. Yes, that is as painful as it sounds (though amazingly, not that gory a sequence).

Splinter’s a simple movie of man vs. perceived monster (as the organism wasn’t malicious, and just trying to survive in it’s own, special way), and there’s not much past that. It’s a good way to spend your time, though; just be sure you don’t go in hoping to be blown away.

7.5/10

Directed by Dav Kaufman [Other horror films: N/A]

Though certainly a low budget film, and a bit derivative of other movies, I think that 13 Hours in a Warehouse is a pretty solid attempt. The story is decently tight, the mystery behind the ghostly figures is sort of fun, and the film is somewhat enjoyable.

I’m guessing that Reservoir Dogs was a big influence on Dav Kaufman, the director. Most of the film takes place in a warehouse following a robbery. There’s some conversation about popular culture (this one robber is a large fan of Robin Williams, praising films such as Mrs. Doubtfire, One Hour Photo, and Good Morning, Vietnam) and betrayal. Admittedly, Reservoir Dogs didn’t have videotape ghosts trying to kill people, but the basics are there.

Actually, I’m a fan of the ghost designs. You remember the movie Thir13en Ghosts? It’s that film that had some cool looking ghosts, but never bothered to give origins for them or their appearances, because nothing’s better than out-of-context disfigured ghosts. Here, we see why the ghosts look the way they do, and more so, the wavering lines through the ghosts (as though they’re projections from a video camera) is a nice effect.

I thought all of the main performances were fine. I mean, none of the performances are great – I think that Chars Bonin came the closest, as he had a somewhat emotional scene in there – but all of them did competently, and during their Robin Williams conversation, it seemed pretty casual. Cody Lyman, Paul Cram (Dawning), Carson Lee, Chars Bonin, Daniel Jay Salmen, and Meisha Johnson were all solid.

None of the kills are really great. There was a guy who seemed to have his penis torn off, and then his neck snapped on a toilet seat, which wasn’t bad, and another was attacked with a saw blade, but most of the carnage is either off-screen or mere gunshot wounds. For the budget, it was probably fine, but it’s not a movie to go to if you want something gory.

When it comes to real problems I had, only two things really come to mind. One, I think the ending could have done with a bit more oompf. It wasn’t a bad ending, but I think a little more punch could have been thrown somewhere in there. Also, while the movie doesn’t really drag, I do think they could have trimmed a few scenes, especially in the final twenty minutes. The movie is around an hour and a half, and I think that the same story could have been told in ten less minutes. It’s not a long film by any means, but I do think portions could have been cut a little.

Filmed in Minneapolis, Minnesota, this may be a low budget movie, but I think 13 Hours in a Warehouse has a lot of promise. I dug the ghosts, their designs, and their repetition of the number 32362 (which ties into the mystery, of course), and much like the first time I saw this film some years back, it’s solid for a lower budget film.

7.5/10

Directed by Donn Kennedy [Other horror films: N/A]

In many ways, I think Backwoods Bloodbath is an impressive independent film. It’s not great, but it’s a very solid attempt, with some decent humor and a fine enough story.

Filmed entirely in Wisconsin, the film deals with a mysterious creature known as the hodag (which is indeed a real urban legend around the Wisconsin area) and a bunch of college kids having a reunion who run amok of it. It’s simple, but the story has a twist thrown in, so it’s not as straight-forward as it might sound.

What helps a lot is the good sense of humor the film has. There is some legit amusing dialogue in the film, from a guy playing football, telling his buddy “to take a cue from my dick and go long,” to one of the funniest, sports-obsessed guys I’ve seen, played amazingly by Travis Ruhland.

In fact, I think that Travis Ruhland should get a medal. He cracked me up so often in this movie (“WHERE’S MY BRATS?”): how he completely ignored his injured and scared friends to listen to a football game, or how he, naturally, became dejected (“I want to die”) after his team lost. It was good stuff, and I loved him here. Aside from Ruhland, I’d say Angela Lowe and Dwight McMillan were solid. Amy Quinn and Jesse L. Cyr both had their moments, but I didn’t love where Cyr’s story took him, and Quinn really just had one notable moment.

The special effects here weren’t amazing, nor were the kills, but for a lower budget movie, I thought they were perfectly serviceable. They mostly consisted of organs and the like falling out of bodies, but we do see someone’s leg get chopped off, which I thought was playful. I will add that the design for the hodag was solid – wearing a long, black trench coat and holding a hand-held scythe, I thought they did well with it.

I’ve seen Backwoods Bloodbath before, but I didn’t remember a whole lot about it, and aside from some of the funnier pieces of dialogue and scenes, I sense that this will again be the case in a couple of months. Even so, Backwoods Bloodbath did a decent amount right, and given it won an award (the best horror feature in the 2008 New York International Independent Film & Video Festival), I think others saw the potential also.

Look, I don’t think it’s a movie that would wow many people, but it was well done in plenty of aspects, gave some good laughs (while keeping silliness away), and isn’t a bad time, even though it’s not exactly good.

6.5/10

Directed by Jeff Roenning [Other horror films: N/A]

More than anything else, Mother’s Day Massacre is a mess. The story seems all over the place, and while the movie does have relatively strong, or at least palatable, portions, overall, it’s not what I’d call a fun time.

I think the first time I saw this, I was just confused. The story itself isn’t too hard to follow – a teen and his friends look for his mother in an abandoned town, get attacked by two mentally-challenged hillbilly folk, and the ones that make it out get attacked again once the mother of one of the teens, who is also the mother of the two hillbilly folk, strikes out against the teen’s father in revenge for leaving her.

You know how jarring it is to have a typical sequence of teens getting hunted down, losing friends to some crazed killers, fighting for their lives – and getting away? Not just getting away down the street before their car breaks down or something – I mean legit getting away; it went from “let’s get out of here,” to ‘One Week Later.’ That’s something that I’ve almost never seen, and it’s so damn jarring.

I do think it leads to one of the strongest portions of the film, though, when the survivors are trying to get back into the normal vibe of things after the deaths of their friends. It’s a quick sequence, but it’s a nice look at what might happen after such a tragedy. Not many slashers deal with the aftereffects, and I dug that.

Problematically, I didn’t care for anything else about the final twenty minutes. I hated so much about the ending that, thinking about it, I don’t think I can name a single thing I liked, which is pretty impressive. Some of the few decent characters were either killed or mentally incapacitated, and things just end in such a disengaging way. It was just pathetic.

Some of the performances were decent. Heidi Kristoffer was probably the strongest, Emily Grace had some solid scenes (though her character became rather unbearable the longer she lasted, and her last scene was quite awful), and Noah Fleiss could be amusing. Adam Scarimbolo made an okay lead, but I didn’t care much for his character, and playing his father was Greg Travis, who was a bit over-the-top (my favorite scene is when he urinates on his son, because that’s what fathers do, I guess). Worst of all was Mel Gorham – I get it, she was probably aiming to play her character to a goofy, over-emotional level, but I couldn’t stand her for a single second.

There’s a bunch of stuff in the film that just didn’t feel as though it really had a place, such as a couple of characters who rape and sexually assult women under a hypnotherapist’s care, and really a lot of the beginning segments, before the characters reach the abandoned town. Many things near the end were inadvisable too, and as I said, I don’t think any of it was great, and some of the plot choices they made just felt off.

Certainly Mother’s Day Massacre (which, FYI, has nothing to do with Mother’s Day, and aside from the finale, has little to do with mothers either) is unique, and there are a few amusing sequences, but I’ve seen it twice now, and as I said, it feels more a mess than anything else.

4.5/10

Directed by David Hillenbrand [Other horror films: King Cobra (1999), Game Box 1.0 (2004), Transylmania (2009), Grave Secrets (2013)] & Scott Hillenbrand [Other horror films: King Cobra (1999), Game Box 1.0 (2004), Transylmania (2009)]

This movie and I have a history. Known better under the title Piñata: Survival Island (which is how it aired on television), I saw this movie when I was quite young. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it (understatement of the year), and though it’s a poor movie in many aspects, I find it more tolerable than plenty of more modern terrible films, in no small part due to nostalgic value.

Here’s the thing: I can’t remember if I’ve seen this film once or multiple times. If it was only once, it must have been a remarkably vivid experience, because it’s been around 16 years since I’ve seen it. It’s late 2021 when I’m writing this review – if I saw this past 2006, I’d be deeply surprised. I don’t know if it aired on AMC or Sci-Fi (as it was known as back then), but I know for a fact I saw it back in the day, so revisiting it was just an amazing feel.

The movie sucks. I mean, let’s not lie, brahs. At the time of this writing (10/18/2021), it has a 2.4/10 on IMDb, with 4,222 votes, which should give an indication of how it was received. And it’s certainly easy, when watching the film, to see where such a strong negative reaction is derived from, as Piñata: Survival Island has a lot of problems.

For one, there’s a killer piñata. As soon as you figure that out, it’s hard to improve upon the situation. If you’re wondering why there’s a killer piñata, then I’ve got great news for you: not only does the movie start off with a seven-minute origin of the creature (narrator and all), the story is later told (mercifully edited) by a character later in the film. All that really matters is that the sins of a tribal people were placed into the piñata; what took ten words takes seven minutes, plus an additional three or so later on, to explain, but that’s just the fun of the film.

Believe it or not, the piñata looks terrible. The CGI is as awful as you can imagine. Luckily for us, the creature actually has some different forms. Unluckily for us, these other guises are just as awful as the original one. There’s a giant, clunky piñata – it generally kills people by clubbing them to death with a stick or a shovel. Then it can elongate it’s arms and legs, and look like some hideous creature that moves quicker. Also, for some reason, it can turn into a floating thing with a tail (think Slimer from Ghostbusters, or if you’re a Pokémon fan, think Haunter). It makes sense, because that’s a well-known attribute of piñatas.

Related, we often get a POV of the piñata. It’s generally a red-tinted, triangular vision, and it gets old pretty quick. Most of the time, POV shots are used to increase the tension – look how close the killer is to the next victim – but here, it just feels jarring rather than suspenseful, and it happens a lot. I mean, a lot. I mean, more than you’d ever want, so you better get used to it.

I don’t actually mind the main plot – a group of students are on an island to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a traditional scavenger hunt. At first, we are given a bunch of characters that are hard to keep straight – we have Kyle, Tina, Doug, Monica, Jake, Julie, Larry, Connie, Doug, Carmen, Bob, and Lisa. Luckily, most of these individuals are handcuffed together early on (it’s a partner-based scavenger hunt, so it makes sense), and that allows an easier identification process, which was a great idea with so many characters.

Of the performances, well, most weren’t great. I appreciated some of them – Garrett Wang (Star Trek: Voyager), Tressa DiFiglia, Casey Fallo (also in a film by the same directors titled King Cobra), Eugene Byrd (Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid and 8 Mile), Jaime Pressly, and Nicholas Brendon (Psycho Beach Party) all did well. I don’t usually give worst performances a mention, but Lara Wickes certainly had her moments here that makes me rethink that.

Few of the kills are worth it – like I said, it’s not uncommon for the piñata to use a stick to beat someone to death, or perhaps strangle someone with vines. There was a rather amusing decapitation, someone got both their leg and arm broken (it wasn’t that violent, but it did look painful), and another got their head split open with a shovel (probably gave the most gore in the film), so it’s not as though we get nothing, but it’s probably not worth it.

If I had seen this for the first time, I can pretty much guarantee it’d get a lower rating, but seeing it again after as long as it’s been, I can’t pretend that it doesn’t impact how I view the film. There’s always been a charm to early 2000’s horror, at least to me – a lot of it might have to do with the fact that’s when I started watching the genre, and so terrible movies from the early 2000’s almost always feel better than terrible movies from anytime after 2005. Maybe that’s not fair, but that’s the Jiggy way.

It’s not true across the board – Killjoy and Seed of Chucky deserve the rating I gave them – but when it comes to movies you might have caught on Sci-Fi back in the early 2000’s (such as 2003’s Webs), it does play a part.

If you don’t have any type of nostalgic connection to Piñata: Survival Island, you probably won’t like the film. And I want to be clear – I don’t like the film. But I did find it a lot more tolerable than more modern-day horror that I hated, so that has to mean something.

5.5/10

Directed by Alex Turner [Other horror films: Dead Birds (2004)]

It’s been a good eight years since I’ve seen Red Sands, and I have to say, I was quite looking forward to revisiting this one. I don’t remember it being all that good, but I always thought the plot had potential, and seeing it again, I can say that when it comes down to it, the movie’s at best okay.

Part of the issue, I think, is that there’s a bit of build-up before anything happens that’s all that exciting. In some ways, this may have been necessary, as we’re given seven characters who are all quite similar, so we need some time to learn a bit about them, but at the same time, it’s still a bit of a drag early on.

One thing I think this movie has going for it is that the plot is quite unique, dealing with soldiers over in Afghanistan who run amok of a Djinn in a remote, isolated farmhouse. The location is quite beautiful and sparse, and seeing soldiers deal with a situation like this isn’t overly common (I always thought military-themed horror was under-utilized, and, as a matter of fact, so are Djinn-themed films). It’s a fun idea, and they do get some things right, but the overall execution isn’t the best.

It did take a little while for any of the performances to stand out. After a bit, though, I was enjoying Callum Blue, Aldis Hodge, and Leonard Roberts. Shane West, despite being the focus, wasn’t really that fleshed out, and while Mercedes Mason (Quarantine 2: Terminal) was a nice change of pace, she also didn’t have that much going for her (which, to be fair, was sort of the point). Though he only gets a few scenes, we also get some J.K. Simmons, who gives a bit of funny dialogue at times.

Brendan Miller played a rather horrible character (he casually suggests gang-raping an Islamic woman seeking shelter from a sandstorm – you know, because she wouldn’t have anyone to tell, and that makes rape okay). Given that sexual abuse of prisoners of war isn’t at all unheard of by the US military (looking at pictures of the abuse and torture prisoners faced in Abu Ghraib prison should make everyone second guess supporting the troops), having a character with a similar mindset, while sickening, is at least accurate.

The special effects mostly show up toward the finale, and they’re not great. I think more than the effects or gore, the film relies on the growing tension around the isolated farmhouse, as some of the soldiers are more and more concerned their staff sergeant may not be in the best mindset. It’s okay as far as the tension goes, but we only know so much about these characters, and while some are decent, it’s hard to really care for any of them (especially given they’re invading another country to begin with).

Red Sands is a film I wish was a bit better. In truth, it’s not a terrible time – it’s below average, but not disastrously so. Even so, it’s a movie with only so much rewatchability, and I suspect many who spend a night with it won’t be going back to it any time soon afterwards, if they even happen to remember it.

6/10

Directed by Kevin Carraway [Other horror films: Se7en Below (2012), Way of the Wicked (2014)]

I don’t have too much to say about The Fear Chamber because I don’t really think there’s much that could be said. The movie is somewhat functional, but it feels pretty generic and aside from a decent performance or two, doesn’t strike me as memorable whatsoever.

I can say that with at least a little confidence because this is the second time I’ve seen the film, and I didn’t recall too much from my first time watching this. I can imagine it’s partially the plot – a detective searches for a serial killer, all while having visions about the victims. There’s not really much more to it than that, and that twist they throw in at the end was somewhat laughable (the twist itself wasn’t bad, it’s just that it involved a specific character, and as soon as that character was introduced an hour previously, I knew the exact twist they’d go for).

Nothing here really screams originality. The gore is more implied than anything. Only one scene really stands out, in which the killer is removing some teeth from a poor victim. It looked reasonably painful, but still wasn’t that bloody, and other than that, there’s not a lot for the film to offer.

Really, the only thing that I thought was actually good would be some of the performances. The lead Rhett Giles was okay, but of the central actors, I thought he was the weakest. I liked the killer, played by Richard Tyson – he had some strong moments, especially toward the finale. Both Steven Williams (X from The X-Files) and John Duerler were solid too, and it’s sort of odd seeing Williams in a movie with this kind of quality.

For what it’s worth, I don’t think The Fear Chamber is nearly as bad as others seem to. At the time of this writing (for posterity, that’d be October 16th, 2021), this film sports a 3.3/10 on IMDb, with 519 votes. I know that tastes differ, but I don’t think it was that bad whatsoever.

More than anything, it’s just overly generic, and doesn’t stand out well at all. It might be a reasonable way to spend an hour and a half if you’re in a pinch, but this is one of those films that I struggle to see making anyone’s “Underrated horror films” list.

5/10

Directed by Ellory Elkayem [Other horror films: They Nest (2000), Return of the Living Dead: Necropolis (2005), Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave (2005)]

While not necessarily an amazing movie, simply put, Eight Legged Freaks is a fun one. It’s a decent mixture of humor and suspense, and while there might be a couple of silly scenes, for the most part, they do a good job of trying to keep things even.

I think one reason this works would be the characters, many of which are quite good. Some movies give you protagonists that just don’t cut it, and may be difficult to connect with, but the characters here are mostly grounded enough, and some of them are more memorable, at least more memorable than what you might expect from a movie like this.

Kari Wuhrer (Hellraiser: Deader, Thinner, Final Examination) and David Arquette (Scream, Ravenous, Riding the Bullet) make good leads, Wuhrer’s character reminding me a bit of Elisabeth Shue from Piranha. Doug E. Doug’s character was a lot of fun, what with being a conspiracy theorist, and for a younger actor, I liked Scott Terra. Rick Overton had a bit of a rough start, being mainly comedic relief, but I grew to enjoy him, and of course, we have a younger Scarlett Johansson to keep things interesting.

Honestly, a lot of the CGI is quite iffy, but I don’t really think it takes much away from the film. Personally, I dug seeing the different types of spiders attack – who doesn’t like the trapdoor spiders taking out ostriches, or the hella cool motorbike chase with the jumping spiders? So if the effects have aged poorly at times, I don’t think that makes Eight Legged Freaks any less entertaining.

I also liked the background story about whether or not the townspeople should agree with selling their land, given the town’s desperate economic situation. It makes the final scene a bit more emotionally satisfying. The fact Leon Rippy’s character never got comeuppance (at least on screen – I like to think that he wasn’t re-elected as mayor) was sort of troublesome, but most of the finale was pretty solid and, again, fun.

And really, that’s what Eight Legged Freaks has to boast. It’s not a great movie, but if you’re looking for something that’s not too deep, it can be a pretty fun time. For a more comedic and less terrifying spider adventure than what you could get from Arachnophobia, this movie is worth it.

7.5/10