Survival Island (2002)

Directed by David Hillenbrand [Other horror films: King Cobra (1999), Game Box 1.0 (2004), Transylmania (2009), Grave Secrets (2013)] & Scott Hillenbrand [Other horror films: King Cobra (1999), Game Box 1.0 (2004), Transylmania (2009)]

This movie and I have a history. Known better under the title Piñata: Survival Island (which is how it aired on television), I saw this movie when I was quite young. It’s been a while since I’ve last seen it (understatement of the year), and though it’s a poor movie in many aspects, I find it more tolerable than plenty of more modern terrible films, in no small part due to nostalgic value.

Here’s the thing: I can’t remember if I’ve seen this film once or multiple times. If it was only once, it must have been a remarkably vivid experience, because it’s been around 16 years since I’ve seen it. It’s late 2021 when I’m writing this review – if I saw this past 2006, I’d be deeply surprised. I don’t know if it aired on AMC or Sci-Fi (as it was known as back then), but I know for a fact I saw it back in the day, so revisiting it was just an amazing feel.

The movie sucks. I mean, let’s not lie, brahs. At the time of this writing (10/18/2021), it has a 2.4/10 on IMDb, with 4,222 votes, which should give an indication of how it was received. And it’s certainly easy, when watching the film, to see where such a strong negative reaction is derived from, as Piñata: Survival Island has a lot of problems.

For one, there’s a killer piñata. As soon as you figure that out, it’s hard to improve upon the situation. If you’re wondering why there’s a killer piñata, then I’ve got great news for you: not only does the movie start off with a seven-minute origin of the creature (narrator and all), the story is later told (mercifully edited) by a character later in the film. All that really matters is that the sins of a tribal people were placed into the piñata; what took ten words takes seven minutes, plus an additional three or so later on, to explain, but that’s just the fun of the film.

Believe it or not, the piñata looks terrible. The CGI is as awful as you can imagine. Luckily for us, the creature actually has some different forms. Unluckily for us, these other guises are just as awful as the original one. There’s a giant, clunky piñata – it generally kills people by clubbing them to death with a stick or a shovel. Then it can elongate it’s arms and legs, and look like some hideous creature that moves quicker. Also, for some reason, it can turn into a floating thing with a tail (think Slimer from Ghostbusters, or if you’re a Pokémon fan, think Haunter). It makes sense, because that’s a well-known attribute of piñatas.

Related, we often get a POV of the piñata. It’s generally a red-tinted, triangular vision, and it gets old pretty quick. Most of the time, POV shots are used to increase the tension – look how close the killer is to the next victim – but here, it just feels jarring rather than suspenseful, and it happens a lot. I mean, a lot. I mean, more than you’d ever want, so you better get used to it.

I don’t actually mind the main plot – a group of students are on an island to celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a traditional scavenger hunt. At first, we are given a bunch of characters that are hard to keep straight – we have Kyle, Tina, Doug, Monica, Jake, Julie, Larry, Connie, Doug, Carmen, Bob, and Lisa. Luckily, most of these individuals are handcuffed together early on (it’s a partner-based scavenger hunt, so it makes sense), and that allows an easier identification process, which was a great idea with so many characters.

Of the performances, well, most weren’t great. I appreciated some of them – Garrett Wang (Star Trek: Voyager), Tressa DiFiglia, Casey Fallo (also in a film by the same directors titled King Cobra), Eugene Byrd (Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid and 8 Mile), Jaime Pressly, and Nicholas Brendon (Psycho Beach Party) all did well. I don’t usually give worst performances a mention, but Lara Wickes certainly had her moments here that makes me rethink that.

Few of the kills are worth it – like I said, it’s not uncommon for the piñata to use a stick to beat someone to death, or perhaps strangle someone with vines. There was a rather amusing decapitation, someone got both their leg and arm broken (it wasn’t that violent, but it did look painful), and another got their head split open with a shovel (probably gave the most gore in the film), so it’s not as though we get nothing, but it’s probably not worth it.

If I had seen this for the first time, I can pretty much guarantee it’d get a lower rating, but seeing it again after as long as it’s been, I can’t pretend that it doesn’t impact how I view the film. There’s always been a charm to early 2000’s horror, at least to me – a lot of it might have to do with the fact that’s when I started watching the genre, and so terrible movies from the early 2000’s almost always feel better than terrible movies from anytime after 2005. Maybe that’s not fair, but that’s the Jiggy way.

It’s not true across the board – Killjoy and Seed of Chucky deserve the rating I gave them – but when it comes to movies you might have caught on Sci-Fi back in the early 2000’s (such as 2003’s Webs), it does play a part.

If you don’t have any type of nostalgic connection to Piñata: Survival Island, you probably won’t like the film. And I want to be clear – I don’t like the film. But I did find it a lot more tolerable than more modern-day horror that I hated, so that has to mean something.

5.5/10